Changes
by cdixon
Summary: How I think season 4 should start, realistically.  A lot has changed over the summer: a new Captain, something's up with Castle. Beckett is back at work and re-considering their relationship, but Castle has other things on his mind...
1. SCARS

**SCARS**

"Stay with me, okay? Don't leave me" he said, hovering over Kate as she fought for consciousness. She could feel his hand behind her neck, supporting her head gently, tenderly, urgently. She focused on his eyes as intently as she possibly could, fighting to stay with him, staring into the blue depths and seeing fear and desperation. Tears slid down her cheeks, both from the burning, searing pain and the look in his eyes. "Kate" he breathed. "I love you. I love you, Kate."

She wanted to tell him she loved him too, that she had for a very long time, but the pain was too much. She couldn't find her voice, and her only answer was another tear streaming down her cheek as the world went black.

The alarm clock on Kate Beckett's bedside table chirped abnoxiously, making its way into the dream she'd had dozens of times in the last four months. She reached over and shut it off, taking a moment to inspect the scar on her chest before she got out of bed.

It was fading gradually, but was still obvious. It ran the entire length of her sternum, where the surgeons had opened her chest to repair the damage done by the bullet. Just to the left of the long, thin scar was another, a smaller, rounder scar. The one made by the bullet. Kate ran her hand along its length and repositioned the necklace holding her mother's ring to the center of her chest. She inspected the permanent dent in the band. She could have gotten it repaired, her dad had offered, but she needed to keep it just as it was. It was a reminder: that ring had saved her life. If she hadn't been wearing it, if that bullet hadn't hit it first, her heart would have been damaged beyond repair.

Glancing at the clock again, Kate dragged her body out of bed to shower and get ready for work. It was later than she normally would have gone in, but considering the scar on her chest she was grateful to be going in at all. They didn't have any open cases at the moment, anyway. It would be another day of paperwork unless a body dropped.

At the twelfth precinct, fists pounded furiously but expertly into the punching bag secured between the hands of Javier Esposito. "That's it, man, good." He encouraged, gazing at Richard Castle with mild concern as he spoke. "Couple more. Come on." The fists continued to pound into the bag ferociously, and Esposito squeezed tighter to keep the bag in position.

After a final, furious uppercut that nearly knocked the bag out of Esposito's hands, Castle stepped back. "Thanks, man" he said, somewhat breathless, as he wiped a tape-wrapped hand across his face. Castle didn't seem to notice the blood soaking the tape around his knuckles, but Esposito did. He glanced across the room at Kevin Ryan, who had just finished a set of pushups. The partners exchanged brief looks of confused concern before Ryan dropped down for another set and Esposito picked up a set of barbells. Castle noticed none of this, he was already engrossed in a set of pull ups.

When the three men finished another couple of sets, Ryan and Esposito picked up their towels. "Yo Castle" Esposito shouted, "we're hittin' the showers."

"Alright, guys. I'll see ya downstairs in a bit" Castle replied.

Ryan and Esposito had expected this reply. They had gotten used to it in the last few months, whether they were working out at the 12th, at Castle's gym, or running in the park. Castle always wanted to do a couple more sets, a couple more laps, a few more blocks, and would see them in a bit. "Don't forget the coffee" Ryan told him.

"Do I ever?" Castle shot back with a grin. Ryan and Esposito exited to the locker rooms as Castle hopped back up on the bars for another set of pull ups.

The changes in Castle were obvious to everyone. While still jovial, he was more serious, less ready with an outlandish theory or inappropriate remark. He seemed lost in thought more often, and never with the wistful look on his face he'd always had before on these occasions. The people who knew him well noticed these changes. The more obvious changes were physical. While he had never been overweight, Castle had lost quite a few pounds more than he had gained in the year previous. He had always worked out fairly regularly, but now it was an everyday occurrence, sometimes more than once a day, bordering on obsession.

But something other than the weight loss and increased exercise had given Castle a new hardness to his appearance. There was something in his eyes, which once twinkled mischievously, that was now more analytical, more anxious. He was less childlike somehow, and it had nothing to do with the new thinness of his cheeks.

While his friends and family were slightly concerned, in some ways they welcomed these changes. In the months between Raglan's death and Beckett's shooting, Castle had seemed listless, lost, almost depressed. He hadn't been sleeping, judging by the deep circles and bags beneath his eyes, and had been drinking more than he had before. He had poured himself into writing, or pretending to write, and had attempted to go about as if everything was fine when everyone knew that it wasn't. At least now he seemed to be moving about with a purpose, though no one really knew what that might be, and seemed healthier. He was certainly getting even more female attention than ever, though he didn't seem to pay as much attention to it as he once did.

As Castle finished yet another set of pull ups and moved to the weight bench, someone else entered from the locker rooms. Castle visibly stiffened, his jaw clenched. Normally, the approach of a beautiful woman wouldn't cause this sort of change in Castle's demeanor, but this was not the typical woman. She was of average height, about fifty years old, with short, professional-looking blonde hair and piercing gray eyes. There was nothing about this woman that seemed kind or approachable. Castle's jaw clenched even tighter at the thought that this woman was Captain Montgomery's "replacement." She would never replace Montgomery. While Montgomery was a true professional, great at his job, he at least had a heart. Montgomery was understanding and supportive of his team, and above all did what was best for them, had their back. His death had proved that. Captain Rachel Maddox was nothing like that. Roy Montgomery had been a friend. Maddox hated Castle, and therefore hated Beckett and the rest of the team by extension.

"Aren't you rich enough to afford a gym membership?" said Maddox in her clipped, harsh voice, training her eyes on Castle for an instant.

Castle forced a smile. "Good morning to you too, Captain."

"I agreed to let you continue invading the murder investigations, Castle" Maddox practically growled his name, "thanks to Beckett's little ultimatum, but that doesn't mean you're invited to use this precinct in any way you see fit."

"Yeah, well, Javier and Kevin _invited_ me to work out with them this morning" said Castle, picking up a heavier set of barbells. "They're my friends, and we like to do things together. I realize this concept might be foreign to you, but it is what it is."

Maddox's face flinched for a moment at his words, to which Castle merely gave her a false smile and started lifting. He loved getting under that bitch's skin. "I don't see your friends around now" said Maddox.

"They're showering, as a matter of fact. Not as much stamina as me, you know."

Maddox glared again. "Shouldn't you be in there with them? Since you like to do things together and all."

"Like imagining the three of us naked, do you Captain?" Castle quipped, finishing his last set, then standing. He picked up his towel and slung it over his shoulder as he walked toward the door, stopping briefly and looking down at Maddox, barely a foot between them. "Have a nice workout" he said harshly, then continued into the locker room.

Castle entered the bullpen of the twelfth an hour later, four coffees in hand. "Gentlemen, as promised" he said as he sat the coffees on Esposito's, then Ryan's desk. Kate watched him carefully as he made his way to her desk and sat her coffee down as well, with his customary "good morning, Beckett." Damn, he looked good, she thought. His jaw was squarer, his stomach flatter, and his muscles rippled under his shirt as he shrugged out of his coat. But she missed the twinkle in his eye, the carefree manner he once had.

"Hey Castle" she said. "You didn't have to come in today, you know. We don't even have a case."

He shrugged. "What else am I gonna do?"

"I don't know, write, maybe?" said Kate sarcastically. "Or do you have writer's block again?"

"No" said Castle, giving Kate a look of mock exasperation. "I'm procrastinating."

"Uh huh, that's what I thought."

"What? I just finished _Heat Rising_, I've earned a break." Castle insisted.

"So, on this break, you come here to watch me do paperwork?"

Kate had been hoping for a classic Castle comeback. She'd been hoping for him to lean over, raise an eyebrow with a twinkle in those incredible blue eyes and say something in that seductive voice of his. That's what she had been hoping for, but it wasn't what she got. Instead, Castle glanced around briefly and then looked back to her, no twinkle in his eyes at all, and said "you're right. I should go get some work done." He stood, slipping his broad shoulders back into his jacket. "Just call me when a body drops, if you want."

Confused, disappointed, and too concerned about her partner to worry about what anyone else thought, Kate stood and grabbed Castle by the arm, draggling him into one of the conference rooms and closing the door behind them. "Okay, what's going on?" she asked, oblivious to the whispers and stares on the other side of the door.

Castle smiled slightly, looking confused. "You tell me. You're the one who dragged me in here."

"You _never_ just leave when I ask you to. And I didn't even ask you to this time!" said Kate.

"I just thought-"

Kate cut him off. "And that 'call me when a body drops, if you want,' what the hell was that? _If I want_? I wanna know what's been going on with you."

"Nothing" Castle insisted, sounding defensive.

"Bullshit. I've been back on duty for over a month now, and you haven't come up with one ridiculous theory, haven't mentioned the CIA once, and not one stupid little innuendo has come out of your mouth. I'm starting to think you were taken by bodysnatchers while I was in the hospital and they replaced your brain or something."

Castle grinned genuinely this time. "That sounds like something I'd come up with."

"Exactly!" Kate almost shouted, frustrated. "I sound more like you than you do." Without thinking about it, Kate took a step forward and took Castle's hand. His eyes seemed to soften just slightly as he glanced down at their joined hands. "I'm worried about you, Rick. Please tell me what's going on."

Kate watched Castle carefully, her hazel eyes never leaving his blue ones, still holding his hand. He swallowed hard, and she could see an internal debate raging within him. It was almost as if there was something he wanted, desperately, to tell her, but couldn't. A moment later, however, the conflict was gone, and Castle pulled away and leaned against the table behind him, tearing his eyes away from hers momentarily. "I'll answer your question with a question" he said, his eyes meeting hers again. The hardness hadn't quite returned, there was no trace of happiness either.

"Okay"

"Why didn't you tell me you broke up with Josh?" he asked. He looked genuinely curious, and Kate knew that this wasn't an easy subject for him to broach, but she had a strange feeling that this wasn't the source of the trouble.

On the off chance that it was, however, she decided to answer. It was, after all, a legitimate question. "How long have you known?"

"Since I showed up at the hospital after…after you were shot" said Castle, crossing his arms. "I brought my mother, and Alexis, and your dad up. Josh was in the waiting room. I wanted to know what was going on with you, you know, what your condition was, but he had more questions than I did. Where were you when you got shot, who shot you, when Montgomery died, who was Hal Lockwood…questions I figured your _boyfriend_ would know the answer to. That's when he told me that you broke things off with him in early April." Castle chuckled humorlessly. "Here it was, almost two months later, and I didn't know a thing about it."

It was Kate's turn to swallow hard. She hadn't known, she still didn't know, how to tell Castle that she had broken up with Josh because she wasn't in love with him, she was in love with Castle. She had almost told him numerous times, even managing once to tell him that she was a "one writer girl," but she had been afraid of how he would react. She had been, and was still, scared of a relationship with Castle. "You never asked...it never came up."

Castle laughed humorlessly again, throwing his head back. "Okay" he said, his voice dripping with disdain. "You and I both know it did."

Kate knew what he was referring to: the night he had come to her apartment, just before Montgomery's death, that argument they had gotten into. The one where she had told said they were over, told him to get out, words she had regretted almost as soon as the door had closed behind him. He had brought up Josh's name, something he rarely did, and she had skirted the question. "The truth is, I just didn't know how to tell you." Kate said after a moment. "I wasn't ready to get into that conversation with you, Rick…I wasn't ready to give any explanations." Castle was silent for a few moments, studying her carefully, then he nodded. "Okay" he said finally, not wanting to push. "I still wish you would've told me."

"I should have" said Kate, honestly. But she still had the feeling that this wasn't what had caused Castle to change so much over the past few months. Something was eating at him, it had been since she had been shot. He had supported her for every step of her recovery but, in all honesty, had been around less than Kate had expected him to be. He had given her space, when she had expected him to hover. "There's something else going on, Castle. Please?" She sounded like she was begging, but she didn't care.

Castle opened his mouth for what Kate knew was going to be a denial, but the door opened and interrupted his response. "Why the hell are you two in here having a social hour when there's work to be done?" Maddox demanded, barging in.

"Sorry, Captain" said Kate "we just had some business we needed to discuss."

"Personal shit has no place in this office, Detective" Maddox spat. "Get back to work, or I may have to rethink this little arrangement."

Castle actually laughed. "Right" he said. "Kick me out if you want, Maddox, I'll be back by the end of the day.'' He pulled the phone out of his pocked and held it up. "One, maybe two phone calls and I'm back. Or did you forget that the mayor and the commissioner are poker buddies of mine? And trust me, they like me a hell of a lot more than they like you."

Kate stifled her own laugh. She had to say this for the new, hard-ass version of Castle, he was downright ballsy when it came to the new Captain. Not that she blamed him. And Kate had a few words for her boss as well. "And don't forget _our_ last conversation on the subject, Captain. Castle's my partner. He goes, I go, remember? And I know two other detectives who would be happy to come with me." Kate had told Maddox as much the week she returned from medical leave, when the Captain had tried to ban Castle from the precinct. Kate knew that she and the boys had the highest case clearance rate in the city, and Maddox wouldn't let them leave. Kate didn't know where she would go or what she would do if she left, but she was fully prepared to walk away and figure it out if the Captain tried to call her bluff.

"Just get back to work" Maddox snapped, stomping out.

Castle and Kate snickered, exchanging looks, before leaving the conference room and returning to Kate's desk. Castle plopped in his chair and shook his head. "She's not very smart, is she? Either that or she just doesn't know you at all."

''What do you mean?" asked Kate, perplexed.

"To fall for that bluff? You gotta be kidding me. You're not gonna give up your career."

Kate looked up from her paperwork and met Castle's eyes. "I wasn't bluffing" she told him. "You're my partner." She wanted to tell him that she couldn't stand the thought of coming to work everyday without him there, that he made it bearable, but she couldn't. She hoped he understood the meaning behind her words.

Castle gazed at her in surprise for a moment, before a small smile crept onto his face, his eyes twinkling. _Finally_, she thought. But something was definitely going on with him.

"Yo Beckett" Esposito called across the bullpen. "We caught a body, 68th and Broadway."


	2. GUILT

_A/N: Ok, so here's chapter 2. Let me know what you think!_

**GUILT**

The murder had taken place in a fairly nice apartment building near Central Park. It wasn't as swanky as Castle's SoHo loft, but it was certainly higher rent than Beckett's place. Medical Examiner Lanie Parrish was already kneeling over the body when Castle, Beckett, Ryan and Esposito entered the apartment.

"What've we got, Lanie?" Beckett asked, kneeling next to the body.

"Molly Dixon, twenty-six year old white female, single GSW to the left occipital region." Castle examined the woman, who was sprawled on the floor, face down in a pool of her own blood, with a bullet wound to the back of her head, her blonde hair matted. She was dressed in light blue hospital scrubs, wedding and engagement ring still on her thin finger as her hand reached out for her purse, which was just a foot away. "Husband called it in."

"Ryan, will you get his statement?" Kate asked. Ryan nodded and walked into the next room. "Time of death?" Kate asked Lanie.

"Preliminary TOD is between 8 and 10am this morning."

"I'll start knocking on doors, see if the neighbors heard anything" Esposito offered, exiting.

"It wasn't a robbery" said Castle, indicating the expensive-looking rings.

"Doesn't look that way" agreed Lanie. "I've got signs of struggle, bruising on her wrists, scratches on the back of her neck. And based on the angle of entry I'd say she was on the ground already when she was shot."

"Murder weapon?" asked Beckett.

"Fairly small caliber" Lanie provided "I'm guessing a 22 or a 9 millimeter. I'll be able to give you more once I get her back to the lab."

"I'm not seeing any shell casings, so either our killer used a revolver…" Kate began.

"Or he cleaned up after himself" Castle finished.

CSU was already scouring the scene, taking pictures and dusting for prints. Castle and Beckett looked around for a few minutes before Ryan returned from speaking to the husband. "Husband, Nathan Dixon" he began without preamble "said our vic worked the night shift at Mount Sinai last night, she's an ICU nurse. She usually gets home around eight so he called to check on her. Tried a few times with no answer, so he came home to check around 10. Said the door was open but nothing seems to be missing. And the only damage is in here, doesn't look like the rest of the place was touched."

"Thanks, Ryan."

Esposito approached. "Yo" came his customary greeting. "The only neighbor who's home was the little old lady down the hall. She didn't hear anything, but she's hard of hearing. I had to practically yell so she could hear me." Castle watched the beginnings of frustration creep up on Beckett's face. They didn't have much to go on at the moment.

"Ok" Kate said. "Ryan, Esposito, why don't you get back to the precinct, look into our vic: phones, financials, the works. Castle and I'll go to the hospital and talk to her co workers, see if anything's been off there."

Castle returned to the loft at seven that night to find Alexis and Martha sitting at the bar eating Chinese takeout. "Good evening, ladies" he chimed.

"Hey Dad" Alexis called over her shoulder as Martha waved. "How was work?"

Castle sighed, kissing them both on the cheek. The conversations with Molly Dixon's coworkers had been difficult. They were all shocked and clearly upset by their friend's passing. She had been a good friend, a compassionate nurse, and by all accounts a stand-up girl. Lanie hadn't finished the autopsy because of another murder uptown later in the day, and the phone and financial records hadn't turned up any unusual activity. "Frustrating" Castle said by way of answer, but didn't elaborate. "How was school?"

"Fine, nothing interesting really'' said Alexis. "We saved you some chow mien."

"Thanks, sweetie" Castle said, taking the box and some chopsticks. "Mother, you're awfully quiet" Castle remarked. She had been eyeing him carefully, particularly the fresh abrasions on his knuckles he had gotten in the gym that morning. In fact, she had been eyeing him carefully a lot lately, as had Beckett. Which was exactly what he _didn't_ want them to do. He had narrowly avoided a dangerous conversation with Kate that very morning. More to appease his mother than because he was hungry, Castle took a large bite of chow mien and smiled. "Everything okay?" he asked after he chewed.

"Oh, yes, everything's fine darling. I just have my mind on an audition later in the week" Martha lied. It was easy to tell when his mother lied, his daughter too, for that matter. This had never bothered Castle before, in fact he had appreciated it. But now he found himself hoping that he, unlike everyone else in the family, wasn't that easy to read.

Martha and Alexis excused themselves upstairs after thirty minutes or so of watching Castle brood. They had grown accustomed to it, but it still made them slightly uneasy. Castle cleaned up the kitchen before making his way into his study, peeling off his dress shirt and doing a hundred or so push ups before taking a shower. Once his tight muscles had relaxed at least somewhat, Castle plastered himself in his comfortable leather desk chair and stared at the cursor blinking on the blank screen of his laptop. His mind wasn't on writing, and to be honest he wasn't really trying.

"Night, Dad" said Alexis from his office doorway an hour later.

Castle closed his laptop quickly as she made her way behind his desk. "Night, pumpkin" he said, kissing her cheek, and gave her what he hoped was a contented smile.

Alexis, however, didn't let go of her father. Instead she hugged him tighter, longer than normal and said in a slightly shaky voice "I love you, Daddy."

Castle sighed deeply, closing his eyes and hugging his daughter tight. "I love you too, honey" he said, his voice laced with earnestness, sadness and guilt. Alexis finally released him, smiling weakly before she turned to go up to bed.

Castle leaned back in his chair and ran his hands over his face and through his hair. He hated this. He had never kept secrets from his family before, but now he had to. And he hated every minute of it. He knew his mother and daughter, and apparently Kate, were worried and he hated being the cause of that worry. This was especially true for Alexis, who worried enough about him as it was. But it was temporary, he reminded himself. The sooner he figured this out, got the evidence, the sooner he could breathe easy. The sooner he could take the weight off of their shoulders.

Castle sat up straight and, just as he had every night for the past four months, dug to the bottom of the top drawer of his desk and pulled out a thick yellow envelope. _Richard Castle, 327 W 39th St, #7, New York, NY 10020_ it read in a painfully familiar scrawl across the middle of the envelope. The sender had left no return address. Castle opened the envelope and pulled out its contents, spreading the folders out. Some were marked with sticky notes, indicating evidence Castle needed to examine further, evidence that would be key later on, or things that simply didn't add up. He picked up one of the folders he hadn't yet been through the second time and flipped it open, but another slip of paper caught his eye.

It was a single white sheet of printer paper, nothing at all special. Castle had read it dozens of times already, but he picked it up again and unfolded the single crease. He needed to remind himself why he was doing this. Why he had to keep this from his family, friends, and most importantly, Kate Beckett. The paper bore the unmistakable evidence of teardrops, just three, that smeared the ink over some of the words just slightly. Though Castle had wept after reading this letter, the tears weren't his. They were the tears of a fallen hero, a man who's one mistake he spent his life trying to repair until he finally gave up his life to try and fix it, to try and save Kate.

Castle read, though he knew the words by heart:

_Rick: By now you know what went down all those years ago. I may have even gotten the chance to explain some of it before they killed me. I hope I at least got the chance to tell you, and Kate, how very, truly sorry I am. I made a terrible mistake, and I spent my entire career trying to make up for it. Please believe me when I say that everything I did I did to try and protect Kate. I should have known it wouldn't work, but God help me I tried, Rick. She's like a daughter to me; the best detective I've ever seen and one of the best human beings I've ever met. It kills me that I failed her, but I hope that with my death she'll be safe and finally have some closure. Someday when all this is over, please tell Evelyn and my kids why I did what I did. _

_ This envelope has evidence that will lead you straight to the man behind all of this. The man who hired Dick Coonan to kill Johanna Beckett and the others, the one who hired Hal Lockwood. I've kept it all these years, hoping that some day I'd be able to bring this son of a bitch to justice. I never got that chance, so I'm passing it on to you. I know the look you have on your face right now, and I know you're asking yourself why I'm sending this to you and not to Beckett, or Ryan and Esposito, or any actual cop. You're the only one I can trust with this, Rick. You're a damn good investigator, and you can put the pieces together. There are dirty cops all over the payroll, and I can't take this through official channels just yet. Ryan and Esposito will go straight to Kate, and Kate will run straight at this guy and get herself killed. I know you, and you won't let that happen. I'm trusting you to protect her, to use your judgement on what to tell her when. She deserves justice, and so do the other families, but don't let her throw her life away over this thing. _

_ One last thing, Castle. I've watched the two of you over the last three years-I lost quite a bit of money on you, by the way-and I just want to tell you thank you. Before you came along Kate never smiled. She was 100% wrapped up in the job and never had any fun. I know she's hurt you, and you've hurt her. It hasn't been intentional, just bad timing. I know you love her, and you may not see it (and she won't admit it yet) but she loves you too. You're good for her, even though she'd never say it, and she's good for you too. Kate's a tough nut to crack, but don't give up on her and don't wait until it's too late. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! _

_ You're a good friend, Rick, and I've come to think of you as a son. Thank you for all your sacrifice, your dedication, your tireless humor, your generosity and your ability to always find the silver lining. I hope that someday you'll come to see me as more than this mistake. Please forgive me. -Roy Montgomery_

Castle sighed once again, re-folded the letter from the Captain, and dug into the file. He knew who was responsible, he had known for over a month. The problem was, he didn't have the evidence. Evidence was Beckett's area. His area was theories, ideas, stories, figuring out who did it. Beckett and the boys were the ones who always _proved_ things. But he couldn't talk to them about any of it, and that was the worst part. The worst part was knowing and not being able to tell them.

Martha and Alexis weren't so much of a problem. He didn't really discuss cases with them in great detail anyway. He was keeping this from them to keep them safe: if they didn't know anything, they wouldn't be a target. He wished he could talk to Ryan and Esposito, hell, even Lanie, to get their advice, to help him run down leads, so that they could tell him what the hell he was supposed to tell Kate. But Kate was the worst. This was her _mother_, her case. The case she had poured hours and years into before he had even met her, and had spent countless hours with the summer he had spent in the Hamptons with Gina. The case that had gotten her shot, that tortured her day and night because it was unsolved. The person responsible was still out there, and her life was still in danger. He hated seeing her in pain and he had the answer right there in his hands…and he couldn't tell her. And it was eating him alive.

But Montgomery had been right: if they told her, she would go straight after this guy and he wouldn't hesitate in killing her. Hell, he'd tried already. So Castle had to sneak. He had to lie. He had to spend hours every night putting the pieces together before he could go to her with what she needed to take the guy down. It was the only way. But that didn't mean it wasn't torture.

Kate tossed her keys on the kitchen counter and shrugged off her leather jacket. She had sent Castle home hours before when she went to pick up takeout for her and the boys to eat while they went over the husband's phone records. They weren't at all suspicious of Nathan Dixon, but at this point they didn't have any leads. Normally Castle would've insisted on staying, but this time he didn't. This was good, in a way, because Kate had been wanting to talk to the boys about him. But it still worried her that he was so willing to go.

It wasn't as if Castle had changed in any fundamental way. He was still quick witted, still kind and sweet and unbelievably thoughtful, still brought her coffee every morning, still helped with the investigations and cheered her up when she was down on herself, and was still fiercely protective of her. He still hung out with the boys and went out to dinner and drinks with them, though not nearly as often. He wasn't a different person, but something was clearly bothering him. And Kate thought she knew exactly what that something was: it was her.

She had told the boys as much that night, after having asked them if they knew what was wrong. They didn't, saying only that he had been much more "intense" since the funeral. They had thought at first it was because of Kate being shot, that he was worried about her, but it got worse as Kate improved, not better. "It's me, isn't it" Kate had said, it wasn't a question.

"What?" Esposito had asked, confused and concerned.

Kate had sighed deeply. "He hasn't said anything to you about me?"

Ryan and Esposito had both denied this, but Esposito had hesitated. "Don't get mad, ok?" he had said, and when Kate had nodded, he continued. "Lanie told me what he said to you when you got shot."

"Oh, when he told her he loves her" Ryan had said nonchalantly, as if this was old news.

"So the whole precinct knows?" said Kate in disbelief.

"Not the whole precinct" insisted Esposito. "Just us. But come on, Beckett, like it's not obvious to everybody that he loves you. He just finally admitted it. You think that's what's wrong with him?"

"I mean…" Kate had hesitated. This was exactly what she thought. "We haven't talked about it."

"Yeah, we figured" Ryan had said. Beckett must have looked confused, because Ryan chuckled and continued. "First of all, boss, it's not like you're a big sharer. You don't talk about anything that's not case related with anybody except him, and you don't talk about how you're feeling with anybody. And second, you're obviously not a couple yet, so…."

"I don't think that's the problem," Esposito had assured her. "He's still showing up every day, right? Plus, he knows how you are about this stuff and he probably didn't expect you to say anything about it." Esposito had taken Kate's hand and put one of his on her shoulder, like she imagined a brother would do. " We thought we were gonna lose you, Kate, and we almost did. He just had to tell you before it was too late."

Kate still wasn't convinced. He was clearly upset over something, and he didn't flirt with her as much as he used to, or even meet her eyes as often. Whenever he did, it was almost as though he was ashamed of something. He was obviously hurting, throwing himself into exercising like it was going out of style, and while it was doing amazing things for his physique it was doing nothing for his sleep schedule. Kate was seriously concerned, as were the boys, but they, unlike Kate, weren't responsible.

She wished for the thousandth time that she had told him about breaking things off with Josh long ago. Hell, she wished she had broken things off with him long before she did…it had been over with Josh since that "undercover" kiss with Rick during her mother's case back in January. Kate had never felt anything like that in her life, and she had compared every subsequent kiss with Josh to that one. But she hadn't broken things off because, as Rick had said-or more accurately, growled-during The Argument, she had been hiding in that relationship out of fear.

Kate sank down in her beautiful claw foot tub, neck deep in bubbles, and tried to relax. She picked up the book she had placed on the table next to her, pausing to run a finger over the picture on the back of the book jacket. It was one of Castle's, of course. Even in the picture his eyes sparkled mischievously, an expression she never would have thought she would miss…but she did. Between worrying about Castle and the case, she doubted she would get much sleep that night. Part of her, a big part in fact, wished that she could just drive over to Castle's loft, throw herself in his arms and tell him that she loved him too. But after all this time, would he even want to hear it?


	3. INTERROGATION

_A/N: Chapter 3! This one is a little lighter than the last one. Enjoy! Or not..._

**INTERROGATION**

Kate's phone buzzed on her desk at 9:00 the next morning. She was sitting at her desk staring at the murder board, waiting for the ID on a phone number that Nathan Dixon had called regularly. Castle still wasn't there, and he hadn't worked out with the boys that morning. She hoped he was at home getting some much needed rest.

_ Running late, decided to do an extra five miles. Be there with breakfast in 30. _

No such luck.

"Yo Beckett" Esposito called as he rounded the corner. "Got the ID on that number our vic's husband was calling."

Ryan stood and made his way over to the murder board to join the other two. "Anything good?"

"Don't know" Esposito continued. "It's the number for the main desk of an apartment complex on east 33rd street."

"He could be calling an employee there" Ryan offered, looking over the file Esposito was holding. "It's a pretty upscale building."

"Or a tenant" said Kate.

Esposito gave her a questioning look. "If he was calling a tenant, why wouldn't he just call their number directly?"

"Unless he didn't want any evidence of who he was calling…" said Beckett thoughtfully, her mind whirring. "Ok, you guys take a closer look at Nathan Dixon, I'll go see what the manager can tell me about these calls."

Kate texted the address to Castle with instructions for him to meet her there, grabbed her jacket, gun and badge, and headed for the elevator.

"What've we got?" asked Castle as Beckett approached the apartment complex on 33rd. He was leaning against a light pole and would've looked totally relaxed if not for his eyes, which kept darting about as if carefully assessing their position. He was holding out a cup of coffee and a brown paper bag-which Kate knew contained a blueberry muffin-in her direction. He didn't smile or offer any other greeting.

"No coffee for you this morning, Castle?" said Kate in a teasing tone.

Castle merely shrugged. "I've had three cups already."

Kate took a bite out of her muffin before she spoke. "Esposito ran down a number from the husband's phone records. He's made twenty calls to the main desk of this building in the last month."

"You thinking affair?"

"Or drugs?"

"I don't know, he doesn't seem the type. And he did seem pretty distraught over his wife's death."

Kate nodded in agreement. "And he has an alibi. But at this point we don't have anything else to go on." She took another bite of muffin, took the coffee cup from Castle, took a sip and handed it back to him.

"Is it possible that this _was_ a robbery gone wrong?" said Castle, in the tone that Beckett knew meant he was about to spin a theory. "What if Molly came home from work, surprised the killer. She tries to call the cops, things get violent and the guy snaps, kills her. He freaks, thinking someone must have heard the shot, and gets out of there while he can?"

"It's possible, I guess, but it seems like he at least would've taken her cash. And there wasn't evidence of a break-in, and no prints other than our vic and the husband. So unless the guy was wearing gloves and was very, very careful…"

"You're right."

"Just like that? I'm right?"

Castle almost smiled. "It wasn't one of my better theories."

Kate took the coffee out of his hands again, took a sip and then returned it. Withdrawn though Castle was these days, Kate still registered how easy and comfortable it was to be in his presence. He waited patiently for her, gladly serving as a cupholder without being asked to do so. It was always that way with him: he always knew exactly what she needed before she even asked, and sometimes before she even knew herself. If she needed a cup of coffee on a late night, it was there for her. If she needed words of encouragement, that's what he gave. If she needed to laugh, he could always make her. He was serious when she needed him to be, lighthearted the rest of the time…at least until recently. In fact, the only times when Kate _wasn't_ comfortable around Castle were those moments when he looked at her in that burning way, when their eyes would meet and it took every ounce of self-restraint she possessed not to close the distance between them and kiss him until they were both breathless. Even when he unabashedly stared at her she felt completely comfortable. It normally bothered her when guys checked her out but with Castle…she kind of enjoyed it.

"Are you imagining me naked again, Detective?" Castle asked, pulling her out of her reverie. Somehow he could _always_ tell when she was thinking about a case and when she, well, wasn't. Kate turned to look at him and saw the old Castle. His head was cocked slightly to the side, mouth curved in a half-smile, one eyebrow raised over a twinkling sea of blue. Kate rolled her eyes, like always, and started to stuff the rest of her muffin in his mouth. Castle apparently saw this coming. He surprised her by grabbing her wrist and taking a big bite out of the muffin before releasing her, eyes still smiling as he chewed. Kate couldn't help but grin back, taking a final bite herself before tossing the rest of her breakfast into the nearby garbage can. Castle wiped the smile off of his face and looked away casually, nonchalantly taking a large gulp of her coffee.

"Castle!" Kate scolded, pulling the drink from his hand. He leaned forward slightly and put a hand to his mouth to prevent getting coffee on himself, but he was smiling as he did so, his eyes crinkled at the corners in the way that Kate couldn't help but love. "You know better than to drink my coffee" she said as she took a sip of her own.

Castle smiled at Kate and Kate grinned back, her heart swelling at seeing "her" Castle back again. Then their eyes met in one of _those_ moments. Kate was lost momentarily in his incredible blue eyes as she fought that overwhelming desire to be wrapped in his strong arms, to run her hands over his chest and see just how much he had been working out. Then, abruptly, the twinkle disappeared again, Castle's eyes turning from warm and inviting to steely and guarded.

He swallowed hard and looked away, glancing at the doorway of the building. "You ready?" he asked.

Kate started to say yes, to let it go and ask him again later what the hell was going on. But the sudden change she had just witnessed had her so worried that she felt she couldn't wait, she had to ask. "No" she said sharply, and watched as his attention snapped back to her. "Castle, I'm gonna ask you a question and I need you to promise me that you'll tell me the truth." He hesitated, his face blank but the uncertainty obvious in his eyes. "Promise, Castle. Please." There it was again, the pleading note she hated, back in her voice without permission.

Castle nodded. "I promise."

"Have I done something wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"Have I done something to upset you, or piss you off, or…scare you?"

"Other than getting shot, which scared the hell out of me but wasn't your fault, no." He sounded perfectly sincere.

"Then _what's wrong_?" Kate said forcefully. "Why are you shutting down on me?"

"I…" Castle swallowed hard again, the prominent muscles of his neck working. "I didn't mean to do that."

"Is it about Josh? I know I should've told you-"

Castle shook his head. "No."

"Is it about what I said that night at my apartment? When I told you we were over?"

"No" he said, but not as firmly.

"Castle y-you know I didn't mean some of the things I said. If that's what's bothering you you can tell me."

"There are…elements of that conversation that I'd like to revisit, but not now."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just things we haven't talked about that I think we should, eventually, but trust me, it's not really bothering me."

"Rick" Kate ran a hand through her hair, her voice dropping to just above a whisper. "I know you well enough to know that you're hurting, and you used to be able to talk to me. Ever since I was shot you haven't been yourself, and I can't help feeling like I'm the reason for that somehow. I want to fix whatever I've done."

Kate saw a wave of sadness, regret, and something resembling guilt pass over Castle's face. He took a step toward her, taking her arms in his hands gently and lowering his head slightly so that he was looking directly into her eyes. "Kate" he said quietly, his thumbs rubbing gentle, soothing circles over her biceps. "You trust me, don't you?"

"Of course." She answered without hesitation.

"Please believe me when I tell you that you've done nothing wrong. _Nothing_." On the last word he gave her a very slight squeeze. "I'm sorry that I made you feel that way. I swear: it's not you." He smiled, quirking an eyebrow like he always did. "I'll try to come up with more CIA-related theories and make more inappropriate comments."

"You're not gonna tell me, are you?"

"I'm a man of mystery, Detective." Castle smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Can I ask you one more question?" Kate asked timidly, or as timidly as Kate Beckett can. It was another possibility that had been lurking at the back of her mind, one that she didn't want to consider, especially after what Castle had said to her after she was shot, but she felt was nonetheless a possible explanation for some of Castle's behavior.

"Shoot" he said before glancing at the gun on her hip and giving her an expression of mock fear. "Not literally" he said, the trademark twitch of a smile playing across his face while his eyes twinkled.

"Are you seeing someone?"

Kate knew the answer as soon as she asked the question. Castle raised his eyebrows and grinned as if to say, ''really?", before he chuckled and said "no."

Kate tried hard not to grin like an idiot. "Okay" was all she said.

"Don't you usually do your interrogations at the precinct?"

"I made an exception in this particular case. I tried at the precinct yesterday and didn't get much."

Castle's smile faded, and Kate could again see the sadness and stress Castle was trying to keep hidden for her sake. "Sorry" he said again.

Kate couldn't help herself. She wanted so desperately for him to feel better, not to mention how badly she wanted to touch him, that she took another step closer and kissed him on the corner of his mouth. She drew back quickly, biting her lower lip firmly to keep herself from kissing him again, and started up the stairs into the apartment building. Half way up the steps she turned to see Castle staring at her with a goofy expression of surprise and pleasure. "You coming?" she asked, and he snapped out of it, running the few steps to catch up. Just like Castle.

"Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD" Kate said, flashing her bag at the young blonde woman behind the desk. The woman's eyes widened slightly at the sight of Beckett's badge, but snapped quickly back to where they had been since Beckett and Castle entered: on Castle. "I need to speak with someone in charge, please" Beckett continued.

"Mr. Anderson is out of his office until noon" the woman said, still looking at Castle. Castle just smiled before looking around the room, hoping to divert her attention to the person who was actually talking to her. "You're Richard Castle, aren't you?" No such luck.

"That's right" he said, noticing the irritated intake of breath from Beckett.

"Oh wow" the woman gushed. "So are you Nikki Heat?"

"Kate. Beckett." Beckett enunciated. Castle fought a smile at her annoyance.

"Are you investigating a murder?" the woman asked, still gazing at Castle in rapt attention.

Castle glanced at Beckett, telling her silently _I got this_. She understood, taking a slight step back. "We are, as a matter of fact Ms…."

"Reeves. Allyson Reeves."

"Pleasure to meet you, Allyson" Castle shook her hand and smiled, leaning into the counter slightly. "Do you know a Molly or a Nathan Dixon?"

"No" she said dramatically. "I'm afraid I don't."

"Well Allyson" Castle said, keeping his eyes locked on hers. "Mr. Dixon made a series of calls to the main line here in the last few months. Do you know with whom he might of been speaking?"

"As a matter of fact" said Allyson, leaning forward conspiratorially. Castle leaned forward slightly as well, fighting another smile as Beckett huffed again. "A man has called numerous times to speak with Mr. Anderson's personal assistant, Stephanie Miller."

"When did the calls start?"

"A couple of months ago" Allyson said thoughtfully. "He never gave his name, but he called so many times that I started to recognize the voice."

"We'd like to speak with Ms. Miller'' said Beckett in her most professional tone.

"She's not here today, she's working on her master's in economics at NYU and she has class on Tuesday and Thursday mornings."

Castle took a step back to murmur to Beckett "Nathan Dixon is in economics, isn't he? Maybe that's how they know each other."

"If it's even him" Beckett pointed out. "Do you have an address or phone number for Ms Miller? We'd like to speak with her."

"Certainly" Allyson said, looking at Castle rather than Beckett. "Let me just get that for you."

Castle and Beckett exited a few minutes later with the addresses and phone numbers of Stephanie Miller and Allyson Reeves. Allyson had agreed-rather enthusiastically-to come by the precinct after work to listen to a sound lineup so that they could determine if Nathan Dixon was, in fact, the man who was calling for Stephanie Miller. Beckett was still in a huff.

"What's wrong?" Castle asked her, knowing full well what the problem was. He just wanted her to own up to it.

"Don't you ever get tired of it?"

"Of what?"

"Of fans like that"

"You mean, do I get tired of beautiful young women throwing themselves at me?" Castle asked with a smirk, watching Beckett carefully. "Not really."

''I figured as much."

Castle chuckled. "Why do you say that?"

"It sure seemed like you were enjoying it. You were certainly flirting with her enough."

"It worked, didn't it? I got the information we were looking for."

"Oh, you got it alright."

"Don't be jealous"

"I'm not _jealous_" Beckett insisted, giving Castle a sharp look. "It's just embarrassing."

"It is" Castle agreed. "But it would've been far more time consuming if I had stopped her from flirting, told her I wasn't interested, given her time to get over being _mortified_ at the situation, and then let you ask all the questions while she's sitting there thinking more about how embarrassed she is rather than about the answer to the question you just asked her. I was just playing off of her cues to get the information we needed." Castle stopped, turning to look at Beckett, who did the same. "It's an interrogation technique I've seen _you_ use, Detective." Beckett pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at Castle. She knew he was right but wasn't about to admit it. "Besides, I'm never gonna see the girl again anyway. You have no reason to feel threatened."

With that he turned and continued walking up the street, leaving Beckett standing behind him in with what he knew was an expression of irritation, amusement and pleasure.


	4. AFFAIRS

**AFFAIRS**

Stephanie Miller didn't answer her phone and she wasn't at her apartment. A neighbor told them that she didn't get home from class at NYU until mid-afternoon, so they made their way back to the 12th to run down other leads. Lanie hadn't found much useful evidence on the body, just that the victim was shot at close range with a 9mm and that she had put up a fight.

"Got her" said Beckett from her seat at the precinct. Castle rose from his chair and leaned on Beckett's desk, resting his palms on the faux wood surface and examining the image on the computer screen. He inhaled Beckett's familiar cherry scent and glanced down. His hand was not an inch from hers, their bodies so close that he was practically hovering over her. Castle forced himself to turn his attention to the matter at hand, the DMV photo of Stephanie Miller smiling at him from the screen. "Stephanie Miller, 24" Beckett continued, "arrested three years ago for public intoxication, otherwise no criminal record."

"Isn't this cozy" Ryan chirped as he approached with a folder in his hand.

Castle stood, surprised when Beckett merely rolled her eyes and asked "whatcha got for me?"

Ryan eyed them both suspiciously for a moment before flipping open the file and beginning. "Nathan Dixon's alibi checks out, several of his colleagues have him at work from 7:30 until just after 10 when he left to check on his wife. Haven't found much else that's useful, other than the fact that Dixon teaches a graduate seminar at NYU one night a week."

"That could be how he met our girl Stephanie" Castle suggested.

"Our vic also had a $500,000 life insurance policy," Ryan continued, "and the husband is the beneficiary."

"Let's bring him in" said Beckett.

"Ok, yes" Nathan Dixon finally admitted, after Castle and Beckett had questioned him for several minutes about Stephanie Miller. Allyson Reeves had positively identified his voice from the sound lineup not an hour before, so they knew that he had been calling Stephanie. A lot. "We were having an affair." Dixon seemed genuinely embarrassed by this fact. He closed his eyes for a few moments, trying to steady himself. When he spoke again his voice was shaky. "It was stupid, and I hate that it happened. But I called things off with Stephanie two weeks ago. I didn't kill Molly!"

"If it was over, why did you call Stephanie twice last week?" Castle asked him, leaning forward on the table. Kate was sitting next to him, arms crossed, waiting.

"Look" Dixon began, scooting his chair toward the table slightly so that he could rest his hands on its surface. "I met Steph and NYU, she was in my seminar class. She's gorgeous, she's smart, and she was coming on to me…Molly was at work all the time, and when she wasn't at work she was always busy planning her friend's wedding and applying to nurse anesthetist programs…Stephanie was just too tempting. I screwed up. But she wasn't the person I thought she was when I started seeing her."

"What do you mean?" asked Beckett, glancing at Castle before leaning forward herself.

"She was…demanding. Manipulative. She wanted me to leave Molly, then she started asking if I would be with her if Molly wasn't in the picture. It freaked me out, so I ended things. Then last week she started calling the apartment while Molly was there. I called and told her to knock it off. Then she showed up outside our building a couple of times so I called her again." Dixon seemed anxious. "I told her if she didn't leave us alone I was gonna get a restraining order. Molly and I were trying to work things out. I never heard from Stephanie again."

"Mr. Dixon, why didn't you tell us this before?" asked Beckett, her tone relatively gentle. "It could have significant bearing on our investigation."

"I was so ashamed" he said, tears streaming down his face "and I didn't want to believe she could do something like this. If she had…if she had, it would mean it's my fault Molly's dead."

"Beckett" Ryan called as soon as Castle and Beckett stepped out of Interrogation Room 1 minutes later. "Our girl Stephanie is the proud owner of a 9mm handgun. Bought it a year and a half ago."

"Why don't we go see where she was yesterday morning" said Beckett, grabbing her coat from the desk behind her chair.

"This might just be the easiest case we've ever had" Castle remarked as he, Beckett, Ryan and Esposito stepped onto the elevator. Ordinarily this fact would have supremely disappointed him, he liked the challenge of strange, complicated cases with various twists and turns. But now that he had the weight of his own case on his shoulders he found himself relieved by the idea of a "Jack shot Jill over Bill" murder, as Esposito called cases like these.

''Yeah, well, if Stephanie is our girl I say we celebrate at the Old Haunt later" said Esposito, bumping Castle with his elbow.

Castle grinned "If you guys get me out of here by five, dinner _and_ drinks are on me."

"Oh, how _generous_ of you, Castle" said Kate sarcastically as the doors closed, "offering to cover us at the bar you own…" She shook her head in mock awe.

Castle merely smirked at her. It was moments like this that he felt that everything was back to normal. The customary banter, the spark he always felt in her presence, made him forget momentarily that he had almost lost her, that it was his fault she'd been shot, and that he was hiding something from her so that it wouldn't happen again.

At 8:00 that evening, Kate was sitting in the usual booth in the Old Haunt with Richard Castle to her left, Esposito and Lanie across from them, and Ryan sitting on a barstool at the end of the table. She and Lanie were sipping on martinis while Ryan and Esposito were drinking the most expensive scotch Castle kept in stock-Castle was buying, after all-and Castle nursed a beer. It always surprised her when Castle chose a beer over some expensive, fancy liquor. He certainly had a taste for it, as evidenced by the $50,000 he had donated to get his hands on that bottle of St. Miriam last fall, but it seemed that sometimes he just wanted a beer like any other guy. Instead of feeding them "bar food" at the Old Haunt, Castle had treated everyone to Remi's before they came here. Kate was just relieved to see him eating.

Castle had shed his jacket again and rolled the sleeves of his dark blue shirt up to his elbows. One arm was currently draped across the back of the booth, and Kate fought the urge to lean a little closer to him. He was much quieter than usual, although that wasn't so strange these days. He seemed perfectly relaxed and content listening to Ryan and Esposito bicker over tux colors for Ryan's upcoming wedding, but he didn't contribute to the conversation or crack jokes as he normally would have. Kate was also mildly disturbed by how happy he had been to see the case come to a swift and uncomplicated close. The Rick Castle she knew should have been insisting that it was too easy or complaining that it was too boring.

Stephanie Miller had been carted off to the psych ward that afternoon. They had found her in her apartment, pictures of Nathan Dixon plastered all over her bedroom wall, the murder weapon in her underwear drawer. She had broken down and made a full, though creepy and clearly mentally unstable, confession not an hour later. They had wrapped up the paperwork and filled Captain Maddox in on the details, and she had nodded and shoved them out the door at 5:00 sharp without so much as a "good work, detectives." Bitch.

"What does your _fiance_ think about the tuxes?" Lanie asked Ryan, interrupting Kate's inner rant.

"I don't know" said Ryan, confused. "She hasn't said anything. I just assumed since I was the one wearing the tux, I'd be the one picking them out."

Kate and Lanie just gave him incredulous looks, Castle actually laughed. "Take it from me, buddy" he said, leaning toward Ryan and putting a hand on his arm. "As someone who's been married twice: don't make any decisions, and don't give an opinion unless she specifically asks you for one. It's _her _wedding. You're just the guy giving her the ring."

"I don't know, Castle" Kate said, turning toward him in the booth. He met her eyes and she paused half a second to remember what she had been about to say. His eyes were sparkling brilliantly in the dim light, his hair slightly messy, a faint stubble on his chin. He looked incredibly…distracting. "Jenny's not as much of a diva as your ex-wives. She might actually want Ryan's opinion. Not to mention the fact that he's got better taste than you do."

Lanie, Ryan and Esposito laughed, Castle just narrowed her eyes at her playfully. "I think maybe I should cut you off, Detective" he said, his eyes sparkling in that incredible mischievous way. "Your judgement's clearly impaired." Kate rolled her eyes as the others laughed again. Castle abruptly broke eye contact and turned to Ryan. "Although I _do_ agree that Jenny is more of a woman than both my exes put together."

"Cheers" said Esposito, holding up his nearly empty glass. Three glasses and a beer bottle chinked into his, and they lapsed into pleasant conversation again. Kate contributed occasionally, but her mind was on the man to her left far more than it focused on whatever debate Ryan, Esposito and Lanie were currently having.

His face had appeared again in her dreams last night. This time it wasn't when she had been shot, but when he had pulled her out of the hanger where Roy died. She had woken in a cold sweat, wishing he was laying next to her so that he could press his body to hers once again, run his hands through her hair and over her face and comfort her the way he had on that horrible night. It had taken her hours to go back to sleep. She kept going over in her mind all the little things he did for her: the countless times he'd saved her life, the coffee every morning, the way he made sure she took care of herself and went out of his way to help her whenever she needed it, even if she told him she didn't. And then when she'd been shot…

Kate let her mind drift back to the day she had woken up, scarcely noticing when Jimmy, the bartender, brought the table another round of drinks. She remembered well the searing, blinding, aching, burning pain that had made it so difficult for her to breathe. She remembered the nurse, Madeline, telling her to relax, that the doctor was coming, that she would give her some pain medication soon. Then she had looked up and seen Castle standing by the door. He had looked older than she had remembered, older than the man sitting next to her. His face had been oddly blank, his shoulders slumped, deep circles under his blue eyes. He looked both defeated and relieved, both exhausted and wide awake. She had called his name and he came to her, saying nothing, just holding her hand and rubbing gentle circles across her skin with his thumb as the doctor explained what had happened.

She had been unconscious for two days. A bullet had narrowly missed her heart; hitting her mother's necklace had deflected it just enough that the damage was reparable. Kate had listened, but she had been watching Rick carefully too: he had looked guiltier than she had ever seen him...as though he thought everything that had happened was his fault.

As a sudden realization hit Kate, she looked at the present-day Castle sitting next to her, beer number two almost finished. He seemed relaxed, as though he wished he could stay exactly where he was for the rest of his life and forget that there was anything outside of this booth. But occasionally his eyes would dart around the bar appraisingly, always paying careful but discreet attention whenever he heard the door to the bar open. He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes as it had before. Though he was thinner, better rested and looked younger than he had at the hospital, Kate still noticed a few new lines around his eyes. These weren't laugh lines like all the others. They were lines of worry. Kate knew what was bothering him.

Rick blamed himself for Kate getting shot.

Ryan glanced at his watch. "Time for me to head home, guys" he announced. "Thanks for the food and the booze, Castle."

"Well, I know you keep me around for something" said Castle with a grin, standing and shaking Ryan's hand.

"We're gonna go too" said Lanie, standing. She hugged Castle-they had grown much closer after Kate was shot-and Ryan, as Esposito said his goodbyes to everyone. "I'll see you tomorrow, girl" Lanie said to Kate.

"For sure" Kate replied. They all had the weekend off, for a change, and she and Lanie were going shopping for nothing in particular.

Castle, ever the gentleman, opened the door for Kate a few moments later and they made their way out into the warm September night. Castle had his coat draped over an arm and started walking Kate to her car, eyes still darting around cautiously.

"Castle" said Kate, stopping in the middle of the nearly empty sidewalk. He turned back toward her, a questioning look on his face. "Do you have a second?"

To Kate's surprise, Castle actually looked at his watch before saying "Sure. What's up?"

"I have another question for you, and I need another honest answer."

Castle raised an eyebrow, a smile playing across his lips. "That's about the fifth one today, Beckett. And just so you know, I'm usually a pretty honest guy."

"Rick" Kate pleaded.

He was serious now, slightly concerned. "Go ahead."

"Are you upset because you think my getting shot was your fault?"

He sighed. "It was." He said the words so matter-of-factly, with so much conviction, that Kate almost shuddered.

"No, Rick, it wasn't. It was the sniper's fault. It was the guy who hired him, who hired Lockwood and Coonan…"

"But mostly mine."

"No!" Kate was nearly in tears. She couldn't stand that he was beating himself up for this. For nearly taking the bullet for her. For helping her get back on her feet afterward. For always sticking with her on her mom's case, no matter how dark and dangerous things got. "Why would you even think that?"

Castle squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, taking a deep breath before he spoke. "First of all, I saw the scope. If I'd been just a little quicker-"

"So you're not faster than a bullet" Kate said forcefully, cutting him off. "You can't blame yourself for that. You were ten feet away, and you got to me before he had the chance to get another shot off. And the last thing I would want is for you to take a bullet for me, especially in front of you daughter and your mother."

"You took one in front of your dad. And my daughter and my mother, who think the world of you, by the way." Rick paused, his expression unreadable. Kate waited, unsure what to say. "Your dad came to see me, did you know that?"

"No. When?"

"During the case. Before I went to your apartment to talk to you. He asked me to look after you. He asked me not to let you throw your life away over this case. And I almost let you do exactly that."

"Castle you _tried_ to talk me down. You dragged me kicking and screaming out of that hanger when I know you didn't want to leave Roy any more than I did. I would've died that night, and you didn't let me. You didn't let my dad down." He said nothing. Kate could tell there was something else. "What is it?"

"Who reopened the case, Beckett?" Castle paused, smirking humorlessly, jerking a thumb at himself. "You asked me to leave it alone. You had put it behind you, but I had to dig it up. I poked my nose where it didn't belong, _again_, and it led us to Coonan. That got their attention, Raglan told us that. I set the wheels in motion, Kate, and look where it got us: you had to shoot Coonan, watch your mother's killer die and take the answers with him. Raglan was killed right in front of us. Ryan and Esposito were tortured, hell Lockwood almost killed _all three_ of you that night. Montgomery had to go on a suicide mission to keep Lockwood from killing you, and then you got shot anyway. You almost died in my arms. Because of _me_."

He turned, angrily, and started walking. Kate had to run to catch up, stopping in front of him and giving him a slight shove to make sure he stopped. He was even more solid that he looked, she realized, though this wasn't the time to think about how much she would love to touch his chest again. "Listen to me!" Kate practically yelled. "I was mad at first, Castle, you know that. I was furious that you reopened the case. Am I glad that all of these things happened? Hell no. I miss Roy like crazy, especially with that heinous bitch occupying his office. I hate that my dad had to watch me get shot. I hate that Roy's kids don't have a father. I know how close we came to losing Ryan and Esposito and it kills me. But I'm not sorry you reopened the case, Rick. I have more answers now than ever, and we're _close_. We're close to bringing this bastard down, and I wanna see it happen. The other families he's ruined deserve to see that. And at least I know why my mother died, at least I know she died fighting for justice. I wouldn't know that if it wasn't for you."

Castle said nothing. He just looked down at her, pain and guilt filling his eyes. Kate took another step closer, grabbing his upper arms since his hands were buried in his coat. _Damn, he's built_, she couldn't help but think as she grasped his rock-hard biceps. She looked directly into his eyes. "I owe you, Rick. You've saved my life more times than I can count, and I couldn't have gotten through any of this without you. Thank you."

Kate poured every ounce of sincerity she had into her voice and into her eyes, desperately needing him to see it, to believe it. Castle still hadn't said a word, but he looked less distraught. There was still guilt in his eyes, but now instead of sadness she saw something else, something she could only describe as desire. It was then that she realized how close their faces were. His presence was so intoxicating that she hesitated only a brief moment before she leaned in and kissed him. It was brief but passionate, and it made her feel warm and safe and beautiful.

Rick pulled back first, smiling. Kate couldn't help but smile back, letting go of his arms and taking a step backwards. They were very close to her car. "Night" she said softly, biting the end of her thumb as she made her way to the driver's side.

"Until tomorrow, Kate."

Kate was half way to her apartment when she turned around. She didn't know what she would do when she got there, but she knew she needed to see Castle. She was going to his apartment, even if all she did was drink a glass of wine and watch a movie with him and Alexis.

To Kate's surprise, Castle was standing outside his building when she pulled up. He didn't see her, he was eyeing a town car at the curb. Martha or Alexis, Kate assumed. She was just about to kill her engine and step into the night when the door of the town car opened and a redhead stepped out. Castle smiled, stepping toward the woman and kissing her briefly before speaking to the driver and closing the door. Castle and the woman turned and walked toward his building, his arm around her waist gently. If this woman had been Martha or Alexis, Kate wouldn't be feeling the way she was at that moment. As it was, she felt as though she had been shot through the chest again. Betrayed, hurt, embarrassed. Because the woman wasn't Alexis or Martha. It was the woman Rick had described as his "deep fried twinkle."

Meredith.

_A/N: This is how I would end the first episode if I owned Castle. Which I don't. We all know they're not gonna hook up in the first episode, no matter how much we want them to..._

_I can continue if anyone's interested, or I can just end it here. _


	5. NOT GUILTY

_So, based on the feedback I've been getting, the verdict is "continue." Fortunately I have several chapters complete already, so I shall do just that. But I'm not uploading them all at once...gotta keep you wanting...heehee. _

_Let's call this chapter what it is: lots of talking, little plot advancement, and an excusee for me to write Martha and Lanie whom I love. I hope it's entertaining anyway...please review and let me know!_

_I don't own Castle, just a laptop and...aw hell, I don't own anything. Just read the story._

**NOT GUILTY**

"Alexis!" Castle called when he and Meredith entered the loft. "Your mom's here!"

"Richard, this place looks exactly the same" Meredith remarked, her tone mildly condescending. "It's been three years since I've been here and you haven't changed a thing."

Castle sighed, plastering a smile on his face. He would've loved to have stayed and continued the….conversation…with Kate, but he had to be here listening to Meredith complain about a place she didn't even live in. "I don't see any reason to mess with a good thing.''

"Maybe if you spent more time writing and less time playing detective you'd have money enough to redecorate."

"Maybe if I didn't have to pay you alimony I'd have enough to buy a whole new apartment." Castle cocked his head and smirked as Meredith laughed dramatically. Thankfully, Alexis bounded down the stairs and saved him further defense of what he though was a perfectly nice, comfortable, functional home. His mother and Alexis had no complaints, and theirs were the only opinions he cared about anyway.

"Hey Mom" Alexis said animatedly. She hugged her mother briefly before Meredith pulled back. "How was your flight?"

"Oh, the usual, you know. Bad food, uncomfortable seats." Castle raised an eyebrow and shook his head. Only his ex would complain about first class. "Are you ready for London?" Meredith asked with her typical melodramatic display of excitement.

"Yeah, I was just upstairs packing" said Alexis, giving her father a look over her mother's shoulder that plainly said "can it."

"Wonderful, I'll come up and help you" said Meredith, tossing her purse onto the dining room table. "We can catch up."

Castle's daughter and ex-wife started toward the stairs as Martha emerged, clad in a black and white striped cardigan and painfully bright green dress. "Hello Meredith" she said stiffly.

"Martha" Meredith replied, echoing her tone. The two red-headed divas brushed cheeks without enthusiasm before passing each other on the landing. Martha rolled her eyes slightly and headed to the kitchen. Castle couldn't help but laugh softly. They were more alike than either of them cared to admit, hence the animosity.

Alexis was flying to London with her mother for a fashion show, even having consented to miss two days of school to do so. Castle had sent a car to the airport for her, then sent the same car to the hotel-which _he _was paying for, of course-with Meredith's copious luggage. She and Alexis would spend the night there and then head to the airport before dawn the next morning. Castle was going to miss his daughter in the four days she would be away, and he could only imagine how truly awful it would be when she headed off to Stanford in January. He was _so_ not ready for that.

"I can't believe you're letting her go" Martha said, bringing Castle out of his self-pitying inner monologue.

"She's her mother. I can't stop them from spending time together. I don't_ want _to stop them from spending time together."

"What I really can't believe is that Alexis agreed to go" said Martha, opening a bottle of wine and pouring herself a glass. "And miss school, no less."

"They'll have fun" Castle conceded. "Besides, it'll be good for Alexis to have something to do this weekend other than pine away for Ashley. Good for her and for my phone bill."

Martha nodded in reluctant agreement to the statement, taking a long sip of one of Castle's more expensive wines. He had long since given up trying to get her to save certain bottles for special occasions, and now just let her do her thing regardless of the dent it made in his checking account. Castle made his way to a stool by the kitchen counter and took a seat.

"Is Meredith staying with you tonight?" Martha asked after a moment's silence.

"With me?" Castle asked, giving his mother a questioning look.

"Richard, you know very well that you and Meredith have a history of…spending time together when neither of you is in a relationship."

"I got her a hotel, Mother."

"Really?" Martha nodded, giving her son a significant look.

"I'm done with that."

"Oh I'm starting to see that." Martha had finished her first glass of wine and poured herself another. "You haven't dated a model, actress, starlet or bimbo for over a year. The last woman you were with was Gina, and you and I both know the cause of this rather drastic change in your dating habits.''

"Enlighten me."

"Kate Beckett." she said simply. Castle didn't respond other than to become suddenly intrigued by the grout on the countertop, so Martha continued. "Your incredibly intimate and close relationship that you both refuse to admit is a relationship."

"Mother…"

"Were you or were you not with her earlier this evening?"

"Yeah I was. We went to dinner and drinks with Lanie and the boys. So?"

"_We_?"

"You know what I mean" Castle shot back. Leave it to his mother to overanalyze.

"Richard you are crazy about the woman. How many times do we have to have this conversation? You spent the evening together. So why are you here now and not over at her place finally doing something about it?"

"I'm saying goodbye to Alexis."

"Oh brother."

* * *

><p>It was nearly one in the morning by the time Castle settled behind his desk and pulled the file from his desk drawer once again. Tomorrow-later that day, technically-since none of the team would be at the precinct, he had several people to question. He wanted to go over the information one more time before he turned in, just to make sure he had all the details straight in his mind.<p>

After Alexis had left with Meredith, Castle had tried to settle in and do a bit of writing. His legs were sore from that morning's fifteen mile run, a distance he hadn't covered since college, but he still felt anxious, restless. So after twenty minutes of fidgeting and not writing he had gotten up and done forty-five minutes worth of pushups and abs before taking a quick shower. By that time his mother had retreated upstairs, so he knew he would have several uninterrupted hours to go over Montgomery's file.

Even then, Castle couldn't quite concentrate on the matter at hand. His mind kept drifting back to the Old Haunt. No matter what Beckett had said, Castle felt that the whole mess was at least partially his fault. He had gotten the ball rolling. He was relieved that _she_ didn't blame him, he didn't know what he would do if she cut him out of her life again, but that in no way lessened his sense of responsibility.

She had kissed him. He couldn't help the warm surge he felt at the memory. There had been no gunman that they were trying to distract this time, just the two of them. There was no Josh in the picture, so he didn't need to feel guilty about it…not that he had felt guilty before, particularly, but he knew he _should_ have.

Perhaps that was another reason he was feeling so restless that night. His mother's words flashed through his mind again: "_so why are you here now and not over at her place doing something about it?_" Castle sighed. He wanted to be. When Kate had kissed him, he had wanted more than anything to text Alexis and tell her that he wouldn't be home that night, that he would see her at the airport in the morning to say goodbye. He had wanted to go back to Kate's apartment, to tell her he loved her again, to know that she had heard him this time, and then to show her just how much he meant it.

He had wanted to believe that they could make it work, that it was time.

But he knew better. He knew that he had to put the pieces in front of him together, to bring this bastard down and to make sure that Kate was really safe. He knew that she would be furious with him for keeping it from her, and it would hardly help when he told her that he had done it to protect her. He had finally earned her trust and she would see this as the ultimate betrayal. And as painful as it was to love her and not be with her…he would just have to wait. The only problem was, it was getting harder to do so every day. Because he was starting to think that Kate might be ready to love him back.

* * *

><p>"Are you gonna tell me what the hell is wrong with you or do I have to beat it out of you?" Lanie asked over the rim of her coffee cup. She and Kate had stopped at a coffee shop on Broadway before heading to Sac's and whatever other stores Lanie decided were necessary.<p>

"Nothing's wrong, Lanie" said Kate firmly.

"What did he do this time?"

"Who?"

"Castle" Lanie said, giving Kate her famous ''you-know-exactly-who-I'm-talking-about" face. "He's the only one who can get you this upset and pissed off at the same time." Lanie took a sip of coffee, watching Kate carefully. It sometimes bothered Kate that Lanie could read her so well. In fact, the only person who could read her better was Castle himself. Between the two of them Kate sometimes felt like she had her thoughts written in red ink across her forehead. Lanie sat her cup down and spoke again. "Come on, girl, spill it. Things were looking pretty cozy between you two last night, what happened?"

"I kissed him."

Lanie's mouth hung open for a moment. "And this is upsetting why?"

"The kiss wasn't the problem."

"Maybe you should start at the beginning" said Lanie.

Kate sighed. Lanie was a good listener, and she gave good advice. _Why the hell not?_ she thought, before starting her tale. "I figured out what's been bothering him. He thinks it's his fault that I got shot, because he re-opened the case initially and because he didn't get to me fast enough at the funeral."

Lanie nodded. "I figured he would."

Kate told Lanie about their conversation, about the kiss. "It was better than before" she admitted, then froze. _Oops._

"What do you mean, _before_?" Lanie snapped. "You mean to tell me this wasn't the first time you and writer boy made out-"

"We didn't _make out_, Lanie-"

"-and you're just now telling me?" Lanie continued, ignoring Kate. She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. "Talk. When was the first time?"

"You remember when Lockwood took Ryan and Esposito?"

Lanie shuddered. "Girl, I'm not likely to forget that any time soon."

Kate nodded. "We were going in to get them, but there was a guard. Castle came up with this idiotic idea to act like we were drunk so the guard would get close enough for me to take him out. Only the guard wasn't buying it, so I went for my gun. Next thing I know, Castle's knocked my hand off of my holster and he's kissing me. So really it wasn't a kiss, it was just for a distraction…."

"What did you do?"

"I pulled back…and then I sort of...attacked him."

"Attacked his lips?" Lanie asked, giving Kate a knowing look.

"Yeah." Kate said. "But it worked, the guard turned around to go back to the door and I knocked him out."

"I don't get it, girl" said Lanie. "Why are you upset about any of this?"

"I wasn't. Until I went to his place last night."

Lanie gasped, a grin spreading from ear to ear. "Hell yeah."

"No'' Kate said, stopping her. "When I pulled up outside his building he was taking Meredith upstairs."

"Deep fried twinkie?"

"That's the one."

"Oh, _hell_ no."

"I should've known better, Lanie" Kate said, fighting the giant lump in her throat. "People don't change. He's the same playboy he's always been, and he always will be." Kate trailed off, the lump in her throat growing so large she could no longer talk around it. She had been stupid to think that she was different. Sure, he had said he loved her. She wasn't the first. Hadn't he been married twice? He'd said the same to them, no doubt, and it hadn't kept them together. She should have learned her lesson the summer before when he left on the arm of ex wife number two. First Gina, now Meredith…when would she learn?

"Maybe it's not what you think" said Lanie after considering for a few moments. "Meredith is Alexis's mother, right? Maybe she was here for Alexis?"

"Right" said Kate. "The last time she was 'here for Alexis' I got to hear all about Castle's morning sex-capades because, apparently, sex with crazy people is 'unbelievable.'"

Lanie sighed, examining Kate carefully. "I'm just saying, girl, maybe you shouldn't jump to conclusions. That man is head over heels in love with you, and I don't think he's as much of a playboy as he's made out to be."

Kate ticked the names off on her fingers. "Meredith, Bachelorette Number Three, Ellie Monroe, Gina, Meredith…"

"So he's not a priest!" Lanie said with a smile. "You've known the man for three years, and he's proved a few things. One, he is a single, heterosexual _male_." Kate couldn't help but smile. Lanie continued. "Two, he would lay down his life for you." Lanie paused for Kate to consider the truth in those words. Kate owed him her life, she had told him as much the previous night. "Three, he will be there for you no matter what." Also true. "Four, he is capable of commitment."

"Two failed marriages say otherwise, Lanie."

"Castle has baggage, so does Beckett" said Lanie. "I'm not thinking about the marriages, I'm thinking about Alexis. I'm thinking about the fact that he lets his mother live with him, and how good he is to her. I'm thinking about the three years he's spent following you around at all hours of the day and night, going into dangerous situations he had no business in, helping you through your mother's case, just being there for you however and whenever you needed him to be. Girl, if that's not commitment I don't know what is." Lanie nudged Kate's foot under the table. "You don't know what happened last night. It's innocent until proven guilty, baby. Think about it."

It would be hard not to.


	6. FACTS

_A/N: Since the last chapter wasn't as...meaty...as I would've liked it to be, I've decided it's a two for one kind of day. This chapter is meaty and Beckett's-mom's-case-related. Please know that very few questions will be answered here...but I have a plan and have every intention of getting there. Please stick with me and let me know what you think! _

_Again, I don't own Castle. If I did, a lot less people would watch._

**FACTS**

The door to the dingy cop bar clanged shut behind him as Castle stepped into the cool semi-darkness of the mostly empty room. Only two booths were occupied, somber-looking men were sitting in the dim light of the back corner so that they would be as invisible as possible. Castle wondered what their story was, what had them here in the middle of the day looking so grim. Writer that he was, his mind filled with possibilities. Perhaps they had been kicked off the force for being drunk on duty. Perhaps they had lost a partner or a colleague. Castle could relate to that. It hadn't been many months since Castle himself, along with Ryan, Esposito and Beckett, had spent quite a few daylight hours in the Old Haunt mourning the loss of a fallen comrade and friend.

An older man with close-cropped gray hair emerged from the back and took up residence behind the bar. The wall behind him was covered in pictures, Castle noticed, no doubt of cops he'd served with. The man didn't seem to notice Castle, just busied himself wiping glasses clean and methodically placing them on the shelf to his left.

Castle made his way over and took a seat at the bar. "Be with ya in a second, son" the man said with a mere glance in Castle's direction.

"Take your time, Mr. Yanavich" Castle said casually, not looking at the man but examining the wall of pictures with apparent interest.

Out of the corner of his eye, Castle saw Yanavich stop his work and turn to face him slowly. Yanavich examined Castle carefully, trying to determine if he knew the well-dressed man sitting at his bar and calling him by name. "Do I know you?" he asked, taking a step closer and lowering his voice.

"No" said Castle, turning on his stool and finally looking the man in the eye. "I'm a friend of a friend. Actually, I know several friends of yours."

"All my friends are cops" said Yanavich, the mistrust evident in his beady brown eyes. "You sure as hell ain't a cop. So who are you?"

"I'm not a cop" Castle answered "but I know a lot of cops. Like Gary McAllister, for instance. I knew him. And I knew John Raglan. And Roy Montgomery, I knew him too."

Yanavich's eyes widened in fear. "Look" he said, glancing nervously around the bar. "I kept my mouth shut. I don't know what he's thinking, sending you in here to threaten me, but you tell him I didn't talk. I gave those cops the name, that's it, and Montgomery's dead now. They got nothing."

"Which cops?"

"I don't remember their damn names, okay?" Yanavich insisted. "Detectives. Mexican guy, maybe ex-military, had a scrawny-looking Irish kid with him. They were asking about Raglan and McAllister, so I gave them Montgomery. That's it. He won't have any trouble from those two."

Castle wanted nothing more than to put this greedy rat bastard through the bar. He wanted nothing more than to knock out every one of his teeth and then go to work straightening his crooked nose. But his face betrayed no emotion. He leveled a cold, steely gaze on Yanavich, the corner of his mouth turning up slightly before he turned and glanced around the bar. "You know, this is a pretty nice place" he said casually. "Good location. It can't have been cheap."

Yanavich looked confused and fearful. "No" he said. "It wasn't."

"How much did he pay you?" Castle asked. His tone was perfectly casual.

"For what?"

"For altering the files" said Castle calmly. Yanavich hesitated, his eyes wide. "I'm just curious" Castle smiled but his eyes were still cold, he knew. "You had to make quite a few changes. What was that worth to him?"

"Two hundred grand" said Yanavich. "Showed up in my checking account like it was nothing."

Castle whistled, but otherwise said nothing.

"Why did he send you?"

"Hmm?"

"If he wants to warn me to keep my mouth shut, you can tell him I got the message. First Raglan, then McAllister and Montgomery and that kid from the prison…I don't need to be told twice, okay? I'm not gonna go to the cops, or blackmail him, or whatever it is that he's afraid of. It's not worth it."

"You're a loose end, though, Yanavich. You can ID him." Castle paused, watching Yanavich carefully. His eyes were wide with fear again, alternately watching Castle and darting around the room in paranoia. "You really think you're safe? You really think _anybody's _safe while he's out there?"

Yanavich's eyes stopped moving abruptly, brown fixing in blue. Castle didn't move as Yanavich appraised him once again. "Who the hell are you?" he asked finally, his voice just barely above a whisper.

Castle shrugged. "Friend of a friend." He slid off of his stool, never taking his eyes from Yanavich's. "It's probably best not to mention this to anybody. Just some friendly advice." Castle smiled and walked away, never looking back as the door closed behind him.

It was hot for late September, the sun beat down heavily on the streets of New York as Castle made his way to Cole's bar to see his ''mob guy." This was his last stop, and he was running out of options. He had reached the end of where he, as a civilian, could take this investigation, but there was more to do. He needed facts, he needed courtroom-admissible evidence…unless of course he just wanted to have his mob guy hire somebody to take this bastard out. Tempting, but not the way this should play out.

So he needed help. It was time to call in for backup, someone who did have a badge. Kate would always be his first choice, but it was still too soon to involve her. There really was only one other option.

Still maneuvering through the crowded streets, taking subtle glances around as he went, Castle pulled out his phone. Esposito answered on the first ring.

"Yo, Castle! What's up, bro?"

"Hey, man, what're you up to?"

"Just kicking Ryan's ass at XBox, as usual." Castle could hear Ryan's protests in the background, and would've smiled on any other occasion. "You wanna join? Lanie's out shopping with Beckett."

"Are they gonna be out for a while?"

"Hey, man, with Lanie you never know how long it could be" Esposito said fondly. "But Beckett usually gets bored and reins her in after a few hours."

"Can you and Ryan meet me somewhere later?"

Esposito was silent for a moment, and when he spoke again his voice was much more serious. "What's going on, bro?"

"Can't talk about it right now" said Castle, his tone as light as he could manage. "I'm running late for a meeting. Can you be at The Dead Poet in two hours?"

"We'll be there."

"Great. Go easy on Ryan, alright? He's getting married soon."

"Yeah, right." said Esposito, still sounding somewhat uneasy. "See ya soon, bro."

* * *

><p>Castle was seated at a secluded booth near the back of The Dead Poet bar and grill. The dim lighting, music and murmur of conversation made the bar an ideal location for a quiet chat. The Old Haunt had the same attractive characteristics, but it was considerably less crowded and Castle didn't know who might be keeping an eye on their regular hang-outs. So Castle specifically requested the booth in the back corner.<p>

To anyone who didn't know Richard Castle, he looked entirely relaxed. His long legs were extended beneath the table and crossed at the ankles, head leaning back against the seat, one hand resting on the table next to the tall glass of beer he would occasionally sip. To the waitress and any patrons who were paying attention he was just a wealthy man waiting for his companions to arrive, relaxing in the booth of a restaurant that, judging by his thousand-dollar shoes, he could easily purchase.

Esposito and Ryan were seated just minutes after he arrived. They alone didn't buy the casual vibe he was putting off. The sharpness of his gaze, the cold, analytical sweep his eyes were making across the restaurant giving him away to those who knew him well. The detectives looked solemn, but their training kept them from showing any suspicion or anxiety.

"Thanks for coming" Castle said, sitting up straight as they slid into the booth. Esposito sat directly across from him, and Ryan took the seat next to his partner. It felt to Castle a bit like being on the wrong side of the interrogation table.

"What's this about?" asked Ryan.

Castle didn't answer right away. Apprehensive, Esposito opened his mouth with a question of his own, but Castle silenced him with an impossibly slight shake of the head as the waitress approached. She took Ryan and Esposito's drink orders and left the table with a smile which was mirrored rather stiffly by the three men at the table.

"Before I explain" Castle began softly, taking a final glance around the establishment. "I need you both to swear that what I'm about to say doesn't go past the three of us. You don't tell anybody at work, you don't tell Jenny or Lanie or Beckett or your pet goldfish." Ryan and Esposito both nodded, leaning forward in their seats with apprehension. "I mean it, not a word to Kate. Not yet."

"Okay" said Ryan, and Esposito agreed with a nod.

"The Captain mailed me something the day he died" Castle told them. "He sent me a stack of files with evidence on the guy who had Beckett's mom killed. He had made copies of files before they'd been altered, he sent service records for himself, McAllister, Raglan and others, records of mob guys, a ledger with pays and owes, the whole deal."

"Why the hell didn't you tell us?" Esposito asked, his voice slightly harsh with anger and pain.

"Montgomery said I couldn't start a witch hunt. I needed leads before I could come to you, so that we'd know where to look. He said that there are dirty cops everywhere, and the more I looked into this thing the worse it got. I couldn't risk you going to Kate until we had enough to nail this bastard." Castle paused, running his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. Believe me I wanted nothing more than to tell you guys, but when I tell you the whole story you'll understand why I couldn't until now."

"You know who it is, don't you?" Ryan asked, gazing at Castle intently.

Castle nodded. "I have for almost two months. And now I have leads, leads I can't run down on my own. This has to be rock-solid, guys. We can't let him weasel out of this. So I'm asking for your help."

Esposito and Ryan exchanged looks briefly, each nodding almost imperceptibly, before Esposito spoke. "Okay bro. What've you got?"

* * *

><p>Nearly two hours later, Castle, Ryan and Esposito were seated in the mayor's office. Castle had gone in first, the secretary not so much as batting an eye at his appearing without an appointment. This was not at all unusual for the mayor's buddy, so she had merely greeted him with a wide smile and told the mayor brightly that "Rick Castle's here". She didn't think twice moments later either, when the mayor asked her to go and make an extra hundred copies of some inter-office memo. She just left the office humming a little tune and headed down the hall to the copy room. That's when Ryan and Esposito had entered, shaking the mayor's hand and taking the vacant seats to Castle's left.<p>

"What's this about, Ricky?" the mayor asked.

Instead of answering, Castle nodded to Ryan. Ryan took a deep breath and began in his most official tone. "Sir, we need your permission to start an investigation. We're coming to you because we need this to be discreet but, obviously, authorized. We'll need a number of warrants, and we can't go through the traditional channels without tipping our hand. If anyone finds out what we're doing…more people are going to end up dead, sir."

The mayor looked at Castle, then glanced at the other two in surprise and suspicion. ''An investigation against whom?" he asked.

It was Esposito who spoke. "The man who's responsible for the deaths of at least eight people, including Roy Montgomery and Johanna Beckett." Esposito paused, looking at his hands before he continued. "He's also responsible for the attempted murder of our partner, Detective Kate Beckett."

The mayor's eyes darkened. Roy had been a friend, Castle knew, and he was very fond of Beckett also. "We're talking about the guy who hired Dick Coonan to kill Johanna Beckett and three people who worked for her." Castle told his friend. "The same man hired Hal Lockwood to kill John Raglan, Gary McAllister, and Roy Montgomery, to kidnap and torture these two gentlemen" Castle nodded toward Ryan and Esposito "and who hired someone to shoot Kate Beckett at Roy's funeral. This is big, Bob. You know I wouldn't ask this of you unless I had no other choice."

The mayor's eyes were wide. "I appreciate that, Ricky, and I want to help you. But you have to understand that I can't authorize a witch hunt. I need more. I need solid facts."

Castle shook his head. "It's not a witch hunt, Bob. It's a _very_ specific investigation. And I have facts, just not enough that are admissible in court." Castle gazed at his friend across the desk for a moment, then pulled a folded slip of paper from the inside pocket of his sport coat. This was the lone piece of evidence he had brought from the massive file in the drawer at his loft. He unfolded it, sat it on the desk and tapped his finger twice next to a highlighted portion before sliding the sheet toward the mayor's hands.

Bob leaned forward, his eyes progressively narrowing in anger as he read and re-read the information before him. When he finally looked up his eyes were blazing. He folded the paper and handed it back to Castle, their eyes locked in silent communication. "This investigation does not extend beyond the people in this room." He looked from Esposito to Ryan and then back to Castle before answering their silent question. "The exception being Detective Beckett when you decide to include her." The mayor closed his eyes, fists and jaw clenched, and took a deep breath. When he spoke again his voice was laced with more bitterness and anger than Castle had thought possible from the affable politician. "You'll get whatever you need. Just nail this mother fucker."


	7. CASKETTFLAVORED

_Wow! Considering this is my first story, I'm pretty overwhelmed with the response. Please continue reviewing, even if it's constructive criticism. I appreciate the feedback!_

_The next couple of chapters are a little more lighthearted, I'm giving our boy Castle ANOTHER case to think about on top of Beckett's. Poor guy. The murder in this chapter is a little graphic. I don't know if anyone will be offended by it, I don't think it's that bad but then again I'm a medical student. After spending 100+ hours in the cadaver lab last fall, there's not a whole lot that can gross me out. I also tend to cuss like a sailor, and some of that tendency shows up in the next chapters. If anyone thinks I should up the rating to M, let me know. I'm not quite sure where to draw the line._

_I don't own the characters, but the case was my original idea...which is why it's not as good as the ones on the show are._

* * *

><p><strong>CASKETT-FLAVORED<strong>

Kate almost didn't call him. It was Monday morning, and she was still angry and embarrassed. He hadn't called or texted at all during the weekend, not even to ask if she wanted to go for drinks or come to dinner at the loft as he had so many times before. To Kate, this was a sure sign that he had had company over the weekend in the form of Meredith, and that hurt her more than she cared to admit. She didn't know if she could stand the thought of him showing up all smiley, of hearing his "I just got laid" voice. But she thought of what Lanie had said and decided to call. If she avoided him there would be no way to determine if her theory was correct, right? So she called. That didn't mean she had to be nice to him.

Castle arrived at the scene just seconds after Beckett, climbing out of his cab and jogging over to her. "Good morning, Detective" he said. _Oh yeah. He's in a good mood. Too good of a mood_.

Kate didn't look at him, just made her way toward the yellow tape. He chattered on "I didn't have time to stop for coffee, but I'll get you a cup later I promise." Kate didn't answer. "Hello?" he said, stepping in front of her. Kate rammed into him-_damn, he's like a brick wall_-and then tried to swerve around. He grabbed her upper arms. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing"

"Kate, what?"

"We're at a crime scene, Castle, not everyone is as happy as you are that someone's been murdered" Kate spat, pushing past him and striding purposefully toward Esposito, who was waiting for them. She didn't manage to escape without glimpsing the twinge of bewilderment and hurt pass over Castle's face, though, and she almost felt guilty about it. Almost. "Morning Esposito" she greeted the detective brusquely as Castle caught up.

"Morning" he said as he looked up from his notepad. The yellow tape he was standing next to was stretched between two buildings. CSU was already milling about in the alleyway, snapping photos, setting out cones, dusting for prints.

"What've we got?" Beckett asked, unable to see the body from her vantage point.

Esposito grinned widely. "Is it good?" Castle asked from just behind Kate, the proximity of his voice making her jump very slightly.

Esposito nodded. "Oh yeah" he said, practically giddy with excitement. "Definitely Caskett-flavored."

"_Caskett_-flavored?" Beckett asked, her irritation growing by the minute.

"Yeah, you know" said Esposito, still smiling "Castle plus Beckett, Caskett. It's what everybody calls you."

"Like Esplanie" Castle offered, and Esposito nodded. "Or Rysposito."

Esposito's smile fell. "Dude."

"Excuse me!'' Beckett snapped. "Is there any chance we can focus on the dead body in the alleyway?"

Esposito looked at her in shock for a brief moment before he squared his shoulders, all business, and ducked under the tape. Castle and Beckett followed. "John Doe" Esposito said as they walked. "Lanie says twenty-five to thirty, estimating time of death between nine last night and four this morning. Waste management found the body, Ryan's taking statements."

"Do we have cause of…." Beckett trailed off, gazing transfixed at the scene before her.

The body was laying in the middle of the alley, or at least the trunk was. The legs, arms and head were detached, all placed several feet away from the trunk in the five points of a star. The face was distorted beyond recognition, it looked to have been removed with a large caliber bullet. There was blood everywhere, but the alley was otherwise completely clean. Not a single scrap of food, one plastic bag, or a solitary discarded pizza box was anywhere to be found. In fact, the only thing in the alley besides the body was the empty dumpster.

Behind her, Kate heard Castle chuckle softly in amazement. "Oh, yeah" he said in awe. "Definitely Caskett-flavored."

* * *

><p>"Will you please tell me what you're pissed about?" Castle asked for the fiftieth time as he followed Beckett down the hall to morgue.<p>

"Who says I'm pissed?" Kate shot back.

"Um, everybody" said Castle. "Ryan, Esposito and about eight uniforms have all asked me what I did, and I can't honestly answer that question. I didn't even seen you this weekend, and I can't imagine doing something to piss you off without even seeing you. I know I'm really good at it, but I doubt even I could manage that much."

Kate ignored him, pushing through the swinging door at the morgue and then swatting it closed hard behind her. She felt a small glint of satisfaction at the soft "ouch" she heard from the other side of the door before Castle followed her in, rubbing his nose and looking confused and irritated.

"Hey Lanie" Kate greeted her friend.

"Hey" Lanie replied, making her way to the autopsy table that held John Doe. "Castle" she said tersely. Castle merely waved, looking baffled.

Lanie flipped back the sheet to begin her report, and Kate suppressed a smile as Castle winced at the sight. "The amputations were performed post-mortem" Lanie informed them "your cause of death is a single GSW to the face from a forty-five. Whoever did the operating wore gloves, I've got traces of latex, and used some kind of power saw. I've narrowed time of death to sometime between one and three a.m."

"So are we looking at a serial killer?" asked Castle. "This seems like a lot of effort: the staging, the…surgery."

"I looked into it, and there haven't been any reports of murders like this" said Lanie. "If it's a serial this is his first kill with this M.O. Could just be some psycho."

"Or someone who wants us to think it's just some psycho." Beckett made a few notes.

"The guy shot him in the face, then stuck around to cut off his head and limbs" said Castle. "I'd say 'psycho' is pretty much a given."

Kate ignored him. "Anything else?"

"Just an ID" said Lanie with a proud smirk. "Your boy's in the system, got quite the rap sheet. Johnny Todd, twenty-eight, multiple arrests for breaking and entering and fencing stolen property, single conviction."

"Thanks Lanie" said Beckett, and turned to exit.

"This guy made quite a bit of noise in that alley" Castle remarked as they headed back upstairs and to the car. "Between the .45 and the chainsaw it's hard to believe nobody heard anything."

Kate had to agree, the same thought had crossed her mind. "It does explain why they got rid of the garbage, though. It had to have made quite a mess, and they were probably afraid they left evidence behind."

"Yeah, but it doesn't explain _how_ they got rid of it, or where they took it" said Castle, climbing in the passenger seat. "So where to?" he asked "Todd's apartment?"

Beckett didn't answer, just started the engine and pulled into traffic, staring out the windshield purposefully.

"Seriously, Beckett" Castle said, in a tone Kate had heard him use on Alexis. "If you don't tell me what you're pissed about I can't fix it."

"Who says its something you can fix?"

"Ponies fix a lot of things, Detective. If all else fails, I'll buy you one of those."

Kate saw his hopeful puppy look from the corner of her eye and had to suppress a smile. After a moment's silence Castle sighed and settled back in his seat. They rode the rest of the way to Johnny Todd's apartment in silence, neither of them speaking again until Beckett had to ask the building super to let them in.

It was a cheap-by Manhattan standards-one bedroom apartment, the kitchen scarcely large enough for one person to traverse comfortably. What the apartment did have, however, was the largest collection of expensive electronics Beckett had ever seen, and that included Castle's impressive display.

"Something tells me Johnny didn't buy any of this equipment" Castle remarked, examining the large flat-screen TV and top-of-the-line BlueRay.

"Probably didn't buy these either" Beckett said, as she opened a drawer full of jewelry. Diamond-encrusted necklaces, earrings with rubies the size of a baby's fist, and emerald rings that must have been worth more than Kate's yearly salary were scattered haphazardly in the drawer. Castle whistled. "I guess he hadn't found a fence for this stuff yet?" Beckett guessed.

"You know, I bet if we look into it we'll find that's the stuff from that jewelry store in Brooklyn that was robbed three weeks ago" said Castle. He motioned to the other side of the room. "Check this out" he opened a cabinet filled with tools of the trade for a professional thief. "Bump-keys, drills, the works" Castle continued as Beckett sifted through the contents of the cabinet. "And look" he pulled out a set of blueprints. "For Eastside Bank and Trust."

"All of this and only a single conviction? Guy must be good." Beckett couldn't help the slight hint of admiration that had seeped into her voice.

"And judging by the way we found his body, I'm gonna guess he made a few enemies" said Castle, with his trademark raised eyebrow. Kate almost smiled. Almost.

* * *

><p>Back at the 12th, Ryan and Esposito emerged from the conference room with a deeply distraught blonde woman of about thirty. She dabbed away her tears as she made her way to the elevator, and Ryan and Esposito converged at Beckett's desk. Beckett turned from the timeline she had just begun constructing for the report. "Girlfriend?" she asked the two detectives.<p>

"Toni DiNozzo" Ryan provided, sitting on the edge of Beckett's desk next to a silent, brooding Castle. "They were supposed to have dinner tonight."

Kate thought she saw a silent exchange pass between Castle and Esposito as Ryan spoke, as if Castle had asked a question and Esposito had answered with the negative. Castle's mood certainly seemed to darken further. Whatever it was made Kate's hair bristle slightly but she decided to dismiss it. "Did Toni know about her boyfriend's…profession?" asked Beckett.

Esposito spoke up. "She claims he was just a fence, swears she didn't know anything about the equipment you found in his apartment or about the B and E charge. But she's lying." Ryan nodded in agreement.

Beckett made a noise of understanding. "Alibi?"

"Said she was with friends at O'Lanahan's until around 2:30, then took a cab to her place" said Esposito.

"Ok" said Beckett "run that down for me, will you? Did you get anything on canvass?"

"Whole lot of nothing" Ryan replied. "The bottom floor of the apartment building next to our crime scene is used for storage, and the second floor tenants were all out. Guy on the third floor was having a pretty loud party till about three thirty, so everybody was up there or just got the heck out of dodge. The other building is a warehouse, so nobody was there last night."

"Great" said Beckett sarcastically. ''So basically we've got nothing."

"There's one thing from the girlfriend that was fairly interesting" said Ryan, rising and rounding the desk to Beckett's computer. He made a few strokes of the keyboard before continuing. "Toni said that Johnny's only real enemy was a thief named Lauren Harrow. Got her" the rest of the team looked over Ryan's shoulder at the image he had pulled up on the screen. "Twenty-four, lives in the Bowery. Multiple arrests, no convictions. Anyway, according to Toni, Miss Harrow here worked with our boy Johnny a couple of years ago, but they had a falling out over something. She didn't know what. Then last week Toni and Johnny were at a bar when Harrow and our vic got into an altercation. A physical altercation."

Beckett examined the photo on the screen. She had never seen someone look so happy in a mug shot before. Most criminals were either frightened or angry, wide-eyed and trembling or doing their very best to look as intimidating as possible. Harrow, on the other hand, was perfectly relaxed, smiling at the camera as though she was having her picture taken with friends. She appeared to be genuinely enjoying the situation.

"Ok Ryan, Esposito, see what you can find out from the bar manager about the incident, and run the girlfriend's alibi. We'll track down Harrow."

The boys dispersed, and Beckett reclaimed her seat. Castle was just taking his own when his phone rang. He grinned widely as he sat and pulled the device to his ear. "Hey sweetie!" he said happily. "How's everything going?" It had to be Alexis, she was the only person who made Castle's face light up like that. Kate felt a warm tug in spite of herself at seeing, once again, the evidence of how devoted Castle was to his daughter. They chatted happily for a few moments, then Castle said goodbye and hung up.

Kate's face must have betrayed her confusion, because Castle answered her unasked question. "Alexis is with her mother in London" he explained, eyes sparkling fondly as he spoke of his daughter. "Meredith wanted her to go to some fashion show, so they left at o'dark thirty Saturday morning and they're coming back tomorrow night. Of course since their flight was leaving so early Meredith made me spring for a hotel for the two of them Friday night, separate rooms, of course..." he rolled his eyes.

Kate felt like an idiot. "Oh. You didn't just let her stay at your place?" she asked, feeling more sheepish by the minute.

Castle scoffed. "Please" he said, "she was there for an hour Friday night and if she hadn't been taking my daughter with her when she left I'd have kicked her out before then. The woman doesn't know when to shut up."

"Like someone else I know" said Kate, unable to resist the barb and relying on wit to cover her shame and embarrassment. Why had she jumped to conclusions? Didn't she know him better than that?

Castle gave her an affronted look, but continued, eyes twinkling. "Meredith has the IQ of a tomato, and all she talks about is shopping and fashion."

"Like someone else I know."

"_I _always talk about shopping?"

"I was referring more to the IQ part" Kate said, looking at him thoughtfully. "But you_ are_ kind of metrosexual."

"Maybe you're right" said Castle absently. He examined the abrasions on his knuckles and ran his other hand over the slight scruff on on his chin in a deliberate sort of way. "I think I'm gonna go make myself a non-fat no sugar iced chocolate frapucchino with whipped cream, would you care for one?" he mocked, standing, one eyebrow raised.

"Just an espresso, thanks" said Kate, grinning. She now felt very guilty for how she had treated Castle all day and would have to think of a way to make it up to…him… Beckett's thoughts faded as her eyes somehow found their way to Castle's very firm-looking ass as he walked toward the break room, and she couldn't seem to tear them away. He'd always had a nice ass, but the extra running hadn't hurt things a bit. When he disappeared around the corner, Beckett finally turned her attention back to the case. _Yes. Dead body. Murder. Focus on murder. _


	8. THE THIEF

_Ok, here's the deal. I invented a new character, and I really, really like her. So there's a lot of her in this chapter. Maybe too much, but I find her entertaining and she does contribute some insight into the Castle-Beckett relationship and to the case. I think she's relevant, but I welcome your feedback. _

_Also, I like to write in "dialect," so I did so for Lauren Harrow. If you have trouble understanding what I've written, I'll edit, but I think the dialect adds character. Again, I'm interested in what you think. _

_If you pick up on the movie reference in the chapter, you get a...well, you get nothing. I don't know you people. But I'll say congrats. _

_The only thing that's mine is Lauren Harrow. _

* * *

><p><strong>THE THIEF<strong>

Kate Beckett was a very impressive woman in many ways. Her impressive looks went without saying, anyone could see that. She was an impressive investigator, a fact Castle had been aware of for a long time. He was also very aware of how impressive she was in the interrogation room. She had impressed him yet again about forty-five minutes ago with her ability to take down a suspect. But as Castle studied the woman across the interrogation table from them, Castle thought that Kate Beckett might just have met her match.

Lauren Harrow sat in the chair opposite Castle and Beckett, studying a small chip in her dark purple nail polish. Was it purple or black? It was hard to tell. But there she sat, as calm as could be, studying her nails for a moment before going back to looking at the interrogation room with some interest. Castle made note of the details, knowing that she would appear in a book at some point in the very near future. Harrow was a beautiful woman, he couldn't help noticing. She was slightly shorter than Beckett, with curly dark brown hair that fell loosely around her shoulders, dark bangs swept across her forehead. She had perhaps the most intelligent eyes he had ever seen, sky blue in a halo of navy. She was fit, muscular in a feminine way, and wearing dark jeans, an emerald-green shirt and a black leather jacket. She was fascinating.

Beckett seemed less impressed. Castle had to admit that Harrow hadn't made the best first impression. They had arrived at her apartment to find the door slightly ajar. No one had been in the apartment, but nothing had appeared out of place. It was neat, tastefully decorated, and nicely furnished for a woman who had no apparent source of income. Harrow had appeared in the doorway, caught sight of Castle and Beckett, and pulled a .45 from…_somewhere_….before Beckett could even identify herself. Beckett had her gun out mere seconds later, and as soon as the requisit "NYPD" had left her mouth Harrow had taken off down the hall, Beckett and Castle in pursuit. Then came Beckett's impressive takedown. But even as they had hauled her in for questioning in handcuffs, Harrow hadn't flinched or seemed the slightest bit concerned. She hadn't said a word, hadn't asked a single question, merely inspected the precinct with mild interest.

Suffice it to say, Kate's mood was crap for the second time in the last twelve hours. She had been absolutely furious with Castle for reasons still unknown until sometime around two when her anger had suddenly vanished, also for reasons unknown. Things had gone swimmingly for about an hour, during which Kate was much nicer to Castle than usual. _She_ had brought _him_ coffee. That never happened. Now she was royally pissed again. At least this time it wasn't directed at him…he didn't think.

Beckett placed Harrow's gun, which was now in an evidence bag, on the table. "Care to explain?" she asked calmly.

"Not to worry, I've a permit. Sorry 'bout pullin' me gun on ya, love. Instinct" said Harrow. She was British, her accent a brisk Cockney. _Fascinating_. "I've known quite a few coppers in my day, never two that looked like the pair o' you. An' when I see folks I don' know in me flat, I get a mite defensive"

"Your door was open" Castle pointed out.

"Yeah, it didn' latch. Does that sometimes" said Harrow with a look of mild annoyance. "I was just cross the hall feeding me neighbor's cat. I'd on'y been gone five minutes."

"So why'd you run?" asked Beckett.

Harrow grinned, revealing a set of straight white teeth and a fairly dazzling smile. "I pulled a gun on a pair o' coppers. Seemed like the thing to do at the time." Harrow turned her full attention to Castle for the first time. "You look somewhat familiar, 'ave I threatened you before? Or 'ave you arrested me?"

"Mr. Castle isn't a cop" Beckett informed her, and Castle flashed a smile.

A look of recognition crossed Harrow's face, and she grinned again, sitting up straighter. "_Richard _Castle" she stated with a snap of her long fingers. Castle nodded. "Bloody 'ell, man, it's a pleasure. I gotta tell ye, I'm a fan. Tha' Bentley Silver? Great bloody character, 'e was. Ye know, ye ought to 'ave Nikki 'Eat go up against someone like tha'."

Castle leaned forward. "I've been sitting here thinking that very thing" he said.

Beckett cleared her throat and Castle leaned back. To his surprise, it was Harrow who spoke first. "But I'm not 'ere to admire the work of a gifted author. You wanna talk to me 'bout Johnny Todd."

"What makes you say that?" asked Beckett.

"Well, this is 'omicide" Harrow said with a gesture toward the bullpen beyond the door. "An' Johnny Todd's the on'y person I know's been murdered. At least in the last couple o' days." Harrow was leaning back in her chair again, utterly relaxed. _Fascinating._

"How did you know Mr. Todd?" Beckett still seemed less than impressed, obviously trying to take back control of the interview.

"Former business associate of mine."

"Hmm" said Beckett. "I haven't been able to find any record of an employer for you, Miss Harrow. What is it that you do?"

"I'm self employed, as it were. In the security business."

"You have a pretty lengthy arrest record. Quite a few B and E's."

Harrow merely smiled and shrugged slightly, maintaining perfect eye contact. "I've never been convicted of anythin'."

"You must have a good lawyer" Castle offered.

"Never needed a lawyer, dahling." Harrow met Castle's eyes again, then looked back to Beckett. "But B an' E's ain't why I'm 'ere. You wanna know if I killed Johnny Todd. An' the answer's no."

"You were involved in a physical altercation with Mr. Todd on the night of September 18th. Care to tell us about that?"

"It'd be a pleasure, love" said Harrow. Castle was beginning to understand why she had never needed a lawyer. She was good. Very, very good. But not a killer…at least he didn't think so. "I was down a' the pub, 'aving a quiet drink with a friend o' mine, when in walks Johnny Todd an' 'is girl Toni. Pretty little thing, brains of a tree stump, but Johnny ain't the brightest either. Johnny comes over to me table, bloody sloshed an' it not even midnight. 'As a job 'e wants me 'elp on. I told 'im to piss off."

"Why?" Castle interrupted.

"As I said, Johnny ain't the brightest-my apologies, _wasn't _the brightest, may 'e rest in peace. We had a deal once, an' 'e thought 'e could try and cut me out, didn' 'old up his end of the bargain. So I terminated our association. Can't do business with people I don' trust. On'y Johnny knew I'm the best in the business, an' 'e needed me for this new deal. Wanted to bring me on. So I told 'im what I just told you: don't do business with them I don't trust. Well ol' Johnny didn' like this too much, started gettin' a mite worked up. Called me a whore. I 'it 'im. Then I left. I don' take kindly to that kind of talk. Not very gentlemanly."

"So what happened last night?" Beckett asked. "Did you decide that wasn't enough? You needed payback? For calling you a whore, cutting you out of the deal?"

"I 'ad no need for payback, love. When I left the pub, Johnny was on the floor wiping blood off 'is pretty face." Harrow paused for a moment, then leaned forward and put her elbows on the table, her eyes never leaving Beckett's. "Johnny Todd was a nasty little rat bastard. But I didn' kill 'im. Not my style."

"So where were you last night from one to three a.m.?"

"Went to a midnight showing of the new Ryan Reynolds film with a pair of friends, then 'ome to sleep." Beckett gave her an incredulous look. "What? I'm a criminal, I can't enjoy the cinema?" Castle chucked, but at Beckett's look quickly changed it to a cough.

"The thing is" Beckett continued, indicating the gun on the table. "Your pal Johnny, the _rat bastard_, as you called him, was killed with a .45. Which is what this is."

Harrow sucked in a breath. "Forty-five makes a nice sized hole in a person" she said. She considered for a moment. "I'm 'aving a thought, 'ere. Ye know who else 'as a .45? Will Manning."

"Who's Will Manning?" Castle asked.

"Just the guy Toni DiNozzo's been screwing on the side. You know, the distraught half-wit girlfriend who told ye I'm the on'y person who hates Johnny?" Castle was impressed, even Beckett's eyes widened just slightly. Harrow continued. "Well she's 'ad a thing going with Will the past couple o' months."

"How do you know that?" asked Castle.

"Ours is a tight-knit community" Harrow said with a wave of her hand. "Will's a big ol' boy, from Texas or somewhere, drives a big truck. In the construction business, so 'e claims. Anyway, take me gun, run ballistics, check me alibi. I'll stay in town, unless ye want me down in the 'olding cell."

* * *

><p>"Wow" Castle said when they exited the interrogation room. "She's <em>amazing<em>."

"She's a professional thief, a professional liar, and probably a murderer" Beckett snapped.

''Come on, Beckett, you don't really think she killed Todd?"

"She fed us a bunch of lines to try and throw us off her trail. That doesn't really sound like innocence to me."

"What was her motive?" Castle asked as he took his seat next to Beckett's desk. Beckett plopped into her own chair with a huff. "Sure she hated the guy" Castle continued "but she doesn't strike me as the type to kill a someone over a two-year-old spat I have the feeling she ended up on the winning side of." Beckett said nothing. "_You_ just don't like the fact that she _owned _that interrogation room."

"That is my interrogation room, Castle. Nobody _owns_ that room but me."

"Just admit it, Beckett, you finally found a criminal who's as smart as you are." Beckett glared at him, so he cleared his throat and got back to business. "So are you gonna look into Will Manning at all?"

"After we run down her alibi and check with ballistics."

"Are you gonna release her?"

"After she's cleared and the paperwork's done…" said Beckett vaguely. Glancing at Castle and seeing his look of disbelief she continued. "So I'm gonna hold her for a while out of spite. Just…play with your phone or something."

* * *

><p>Unfortunately for Beckett, Castle was right, a fact which he didn't hesitate to remind her of several times before she finally told him to shut the hell up. Lauren Harrow's alibi did check out and her pistol was not the same one that killed Johnny Todd. Her information about Will Manning, however, did pan out. Toni DiNozzo admitted to sleeping with him, and that Manning wanted to take Todd for all he was worth so that the two of them could run off together. She knew that Johnny had a big score coming up, but he never told her the details "for her protection." Will had gotten wind of this fact and, last she heard, had planned to beat him to the score. But Manning was in the wind. They had nothing on file, his apartment was empty, his identity falsified, and Toni DiNozzo was done talking. She had been booked for obstruction of justice and had lawyered up.<p>

So here Beckett sat. She was at her desk with Castle perched on the edge and Castle's new hero occupying his chair while they waited for the sketch artist. Harrow had readily agreed to give them a description, saying "anything at all I can do to 'elp, love."

Kate hated the fact that she was more than a little jealous of Harrow at the moment. Though she would never, under any circumstances, admit it, Lauren Harrow was brilliant. She was cool, calm, collected, and perfectly comfortable sitting in a room full of people who were waiting for her to make a wrong move so that they could throw her in jail where she belonged. Yet she wasn't smug or cocky, she just watched the goings on with cool interest through painfully intelligent eyes. She was also very beautiful, and Kate new that Castle had noticed. He couldn't keep his eyes off the woman, and that was usually _her_ area. Though Kate often complained that it was "creepy" the way Castle watched her, now that his eyes were glued to another woman she found herself slightly tempted to pop a few more buttons open on her blouse to get his interest back.

"Coffee Lauren? Beckett?" Castle asked, rising from the corner of her desk. It was taking the sketch artist entirely too long to get there.

_Lauren?_ "Sure" said Beckett stiffly, not looking up from her paperwork. _Lauren?_

"Yeah, that'd be great, dahling" said Harrow with an annoyingly pretty smile. "Black is perfect."

Castle smiled his most charming crooked smile at Harrow before he turned and made his way to the break room, and Kate's stomach gave an angry lurch. Castle wasn't brooding this afternoon, which was good, but between being melancholy and flirting with a pretty thief Kate thought she'd rather have the former.

Harrow watched him carefully until he was out of sight, then she leaned closer to Beckett. "Can I ask you a question, Detective?" she inquired in a lowered voice. Kate nodded, expecting the question to be something along the lines of "is he single." She was surprised. "How come you're not sleepin' with 'im?"

Kate's mouth gaped open. "I'm sorry?" was all she could think to say.

Harrow's expression was thoughtful. "'E loves you, as anyone 'ere can see. An' it's not the way your fellow detectives over there love you" she jerked her head toward Ryan and Esposito, who were sitting at their desks doing paperwork. "With them, it's more like brothers. They're protective, they care about ye, but they'd sooner sleep with their grandmothers. An' you feel the same way 'bout them." Kate racked her brain, trying to remember what interaction she'd had with Ryan and Esposito that Harrow had witnessed to give her this profound-and correct- impression of the relationship.

"Rick" Harrow continued, pointing in his direction, "looks at you like you're the on'y woman in the world 'e ever wants to be with. E's protective too, but like 'e'd gladly throw 'is life away to keep ye safe. 'E's probably even told ye 'e loves ye. An' you obviously love 'im too, but you 'aven't told 'im. You're afraid to. I'm bettin' 'e has a history, maybe broke your heart once and didn' even know it, an' tha's got ye scared. But 'e's proved 'imself a thousand times over and ye know it, but you're still afraid to be with 'im.

"So my question, love, is this: what's the 'old up? Why can ye trust 'im with you're life but not with your heart?" Harrow finished, inspecting Kate's face carefully. Kate felt incredibly exposed, but somehow not threatened, by the woman who had just effortlessly summarized the relationship Kate had so often described as "complicated.'' Kate was at a loss, but Harrow seemed to have even more insight. "Unless…" she said thoughtfully "you've lost people in the past. People you loved 'ave left ye. So now you're afraid to let 'im in completely 'cause ye don' wan' to get 'urt again."

"How the hell…?"

Harrow smiled "In my line o' work, it pays to pay close attention to detail, love. An' I almost got a degree in psychology from Columbia." She said casually. Kate just stared, completely stunned and more than a little fascinated. Castle was on his way back, but Velazquez had delayed him and Harrow took the opportunity for a final thought. "The thing is, love, that man already knows ye better than anyone in this world, an' would sooner jump in front of a movin' subway than hurt ye deliberate. Ye may think you're damaged, but 'e loves ye anyway an' I don't see that changin' any time soon. So why not just take away the misery you're puttin' the both of you through an' give in?" Castle was just feet away. "Plus, I've a feelin' the sex'd be bloody fantastic. Thanks, love." The last was to Castle, who handed Harrow her coffee while passing a questioning look between Kate and Harrow.

"Why do I have the feeling you've been talking about me?" Castle asked, looking at Beckett, who was too stunned to come up with a clever retort.

Harrow saved her. "Sorry dahling" she said "Detective Beckett an' I were just discussing tha' very attractive 'ispanic fellow behind me, but she tells me he's taken." Harrow shook her head, casting a slightly mournful look in Esposito's direction, then turned her attention to Castle. "Bloody 'ell, I've 'eard rumors 'bout you'rego but it's worse than I imagined." She shook her head, then asked Kate "Is 'e always like this?"

"Or worse" she said, recovering and grinning at Castle.

The sketch artist finally arrived, and while Harrow and Castle were occupied with discussing the proportions of Will Manning's face, Kate let her mind wander. Once she got past how incredibly spooky it was that Harrow could read so much about her in such a short while, she had to admit that the woman had a point. Kate had heard similar advice from Lanie more than once, as well as from Royce, Jordan Shaw, Natalie Rhodes and even Josh. And she was ready to listen. But, as the thief had pointed out, she still hadn't done anything about it and she was making the both of them miserable.

Maybe it was time to put a stop to this pattern they were in. Maybe she would finally listen, finally let Castle in completely. After all, Lauren Harrow was pretty damn brilliant…for a thief.


	9. CONFERENCES

_I know I just updated last night. But I had more chapters written, and y'all are being so nice with the reviews that I decided to give you more. I'm going out of town, escaping to a tiny cottage with no internet connection so I can study more effectively, so I won't update for a week-ish after this. Please continue to review! _

_Congratulations to__** Living and Thriving** for catching the Pirates of the Caribbean reference in the last chapter. You and **Championship Vinyl** both caught the NCIS reference, so another congrats. And **gilmoreadict**, YES! That was a very intentional Remington Steele homage, and I honestly didn't think anyone would catch it. So double congrats to you!_

_Several people have commented on the new brooding/intense Castle, so a word on that. I'm glad you like him! It just seemed that after everything that has happened and is happening, he wouldn't be quite as happy-go-lucky as he was in the past. He's not as much fun, but I think it's a realistic character development. And the old Castle will be back. Just wait. _

_I like to think of it as "Richard Castle channels Malcolm Reynolds." I got the idea while watching the finale (for the third time), seeing Castle so angry and intense I saw flashes of Mal. If you don't know who I'm talking about, where the hell have you been? Go watch Firefly. NOW!_

_The only character I own is Rachel Maddox, aka Raging Bitch, and I'm gonna knock her down a few pegs in this chapter and the next. I just love beating up my characters._

* * *

><p><strong>CONFERENCES<strong>

"So" Castle said as he and Beckett stepped out into the cool night air around eight that evening. "Are you gonna tell me, or do I just have to figure this one out on my own?"

Beckett was missing something. Her mind was still on the case, making lists of things to do in the morning. She hated leaving a case unsolved at the end of the day, but in this case she had to. They had APBs out on Will Manning, who was rapidly becoming their prime suspect, but until they found him there was little else they could do. East Side Bank and Trust had reported an attempted break-in the night of Todd's murder, and the security guard on duty at time reported that two men matching Manning's and Todd's descriptions were the culprits. But they couldn't prove it. CSU had come up empty at Todd's apartment and at Toni DiNozzo's, and they couldn't very well get a warrant to search Manning's place on the word of a professional thief. Esposito and Ryan had managed to confirm that the jewelry in Todd's apartment was from the jewelry store robbery as Castle had suspected, and the drill they had found was the same kind that was used in the heist. So they had solved the theft, but not the murder of the thief.

"Beckett!" Castle shouted, breaking into Kate's thoughts.

"Huh?"

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, sorry" she said, giving her head a little shake. "I was just thinking about the case. What did you ask me? Something about figuring it out on your own?"

"I still don't know why you were mad at me earlier. Or what I apparently did to make you not mad anymore."

"Oh" said Beckett. _Damn, he couldn't just let it go_? She had been hoping..."It was stupid, Castle, you didn't do anything."

"The nose you bruised with the door this morning thinks differently" he said, pinching the bridge of his nose tenderly.

"What did you do this weekend?" Kate asked, as casually as possible.

"Are you changing the subject?"

"Not exactly."

Castle suddenly looked spooked. The happy twinkle that had been in his eyes since meeting Lauren Harrow had disappeared, and was now replaced with a haunted, guilty look. "Nothing terribly interesting" he said coolly, his voice betraying none of the emotion she saw in his eyes. "Did a little research, worked out, had a drink with Javi and Kevin." He shrugged. "It was quiet, you know? With Alexis gone, and mother had a date Saturday night she didn't get back from until sometime Sunday afternoon." Castle smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Oh." Kate decided to try to infuse a little humor into the conversation. "I wasn't invited to hang out with you and the boys?"

"You were out with Lanie. I wasn't invited to that." Castle cocked an eyebrow playfully. "Did you miss me?" Beckett rolled her eyes and started walking toward her car again, only to have Castle nudge her with his elbow. "You still didn't answer my question."

"It was my own fault, Castle, really. I made an impulsive decision that didn't turn out the way I wanted it to and then I jumped to the wrong conclusion. I'm sorry I took it out on you."

Castle stopped in his tracks, confusion all over his face. "Sorry, I'm trying to translate, here, but you've lost me." Comprehension suddenly gleamed in his eyes. "Does this have something to do with Meredith? The fact that she was in town on Friday?"

Kate didn't answer. She was suddenly terribly nervous, unable to meet Rick's eyes. She turned and headed toward her car at a rapid pace. Castle, however, wasn't letting go, and all the exercise he had been doing made catching up to her easy. It was only seconds before he stepped in front of her, taking her gently by the shoulders and forcing her to look in his eyes.

"Kate" he said soflty. "Were you at the loft Friday night?" Kate didn't answer, but she didn't have to. The whole silent communication thing at least did her a favor in this instance. Her tongue wasn't working well enough for her to formulate an audible answer. Castle sighed. "I'm sorry, Kate. I should have told you she was in town, especially when I rushed off like that after…" He swallowed. "I've just been preoccupied lately.

"So I noticed."

Castle sighed, suddenly looking exhausted. "I'm sorry."

"Like I said, it was my fault. I should've called, or at least given you the benefit of the doubt before I treated you like crap this morning."

"Well, I'm glad I understand" he said, then grinned like a five-year-old who had been given a bag full of candy. "At least I didn't do anything wrong this time. That's new."

Kate rolled her eyes out of habit. "Goodnight, Castle."

"Night" he said, but he didn't move for his own car until Kate had started her engine. He just stood there, gazing around with the same analytical, strategic look she had seen in his eyes so much lately, until it seemed he decided she was safe. Suddenly Kate had the sneaking suspicion that there was _still_ something Rick wasn't telling her.

* * *

><p>Once Beckett had turned the corner on the way to her apartment, Castle made his way back up the stairs and into the 12th Precinct. "I forgot my keys" he told the desk officer with a smile, shaking his head as he pressed the "up" button for the elevator. Officer Charles grinned at him and went back to reading the magazine. When the elevator doors opened, however, Castle saw that it was not unoccupied. "Captain" he said stiffly.<p>

"What the hell are you still doing here, Castle?" Maddox snapped, stepping out of the elevator and blocking his path.

"I forgot my keys" he told her with a forced smile, attempting to step past her. "Kinda hard to get into my car without them."

"I see you and the wonder children still haven't solved the Todd case" she snapped, refusing to let him by.

Castle made a noise of disbelief. "It's been a _day_" he said, smiling in bewilderment. "The guy was chopped up in six pieces and left in an alley. You, what, thought we'd close the case by lunchtime?"

"I was led to believe that Detective Beckett's team was invincible" she said coolly.

"Ninety-six percent solve rate is a pretty convincing indication that that might be true."

"Your team's not as perfect as you all seem to think you are"

"What's your solve rate, again?"

"You know, I've had just about enough of your attitude" Maddox snapped, taking a step closer to him. ''I may not be your buddy like Montgomery was, but I'm still in charge, here, and I expect to be treated with the respect I deserve as Captain. Montgomery isn't here anymore-"

"I'm pretty clear on that."

"-and you and your _team_ just need to get over it and learn who's calling the shots these days. Me. Not some washed up old softie who lets anything you do slide just because you play cards together."

Enraged, Castle took a step toward Maddox. Though she didn't back away, he saw a flash of fear in her cold gray eyes as he stood looking down on her just inches from her face. "Let me tell you something about Roy Montgomery" he said, his voice soft and full of venom. "Roy Montgomery was a hero. He was tough as hell, but he was fair. He was respected because he stood behind every last person in this precinct whether it was their first day on the beat or they played poker with him every Tuesday. He was twice the leader you'll ever think about being, and you know why? Because he was _human_. Because he had a soul and he didn't think he was superior to everyone else here just because he had the word 'captain' in front of his name. You want respect, _Captain_ Maddox? You earn it."

Castle took a step back. "Have a nice evening" he said coldly as he strode around a speechless Maddox into the elevator. Over her head, Officer Charles winked, and Castle gave him a nod of acknowledgement as the elevator doors slid shut.

* * *

><p>"Hey bro, what took you so long?" Esposito asked as Castle entered <em>Observation Room 2<em> moments later.

"Had a little heart-to-heart with Maddox" said Castle. "She may not be in the best mood tomorrow."

"I doubt we'll even notice the difference" said Ryan as the three men took a seat at the small table.

"True" said Castle. "Maybe she'll be pissed enough to stay holed up in her office all day?" he suggested hopefully. The other men laughed. "So what did you find out?"

"The mayor got in touch with the FBI and pushed to get us a federal warrant" said Esposito. "We got it, plus we've got feds doing our legwork for us. We're still running point on this thing but they'll run all the checks since they're more equipped to make it invisible" he smiled hopefully. "The guy I talked to said he'd been told all we have to do is ask and it's done."

"How tight-lipped are they gonna be about this?" Castle asked, still concerned.

"Only the FBI director knows the whole story, and he's limiting the investigation to one crew that specializes in this sort of thing" Esposito assured him. "We're talking ten people, tops, and even they don't know everything." Esposito paused, pulling some papers out of a file. "So what we know is that the two hundred grand Yanavich received came from this account" he pointed at the highlighted number on the top page. "It doesn't link to our guy directly, it belonged to a guy named Jack Starling."

"That's one of the guys in the file" said Castle.

Ryan nodded. "He was a mobster. Anthony Abramov's right hand man until eight years ago."

"Dead?" Esposito asked.

"Yeah" said Ryan. "Some fishermen found him in the Hudson with three holes in his chest."

"So we can't actually tie him to the payment" said Castle. Esposito shook his head. "But we know Yanavich spoke to our guy directly, right? So the payment has to link to him somehow."

"What are you thinking?" asked Esposito.

"I'm wondering if there's a way to look at Abramov's and Starling's accounts, see if there were any two hundred grand deposits around that time." Castle looked at Ryan and Esposito, who still seemed slightly lost, so he backtracked. "We know Abramov isn't _really_ the top of the food chain for the Russian Mafia like everyone thinks he is. My mob connection confirmed that he's the face, but somebody else-and we know who-is calling the shots. Which means Abramov's being paid, right? I'm betting that if we look into it, we'll find that Abramov put the money in Starling's account, and our guy put the money in Abramov's. It might not even be a single deposit, it could be several smaller amounts, but adding up to that two hundred grand."

"Unless he paid Abramov in cash" Ryan pointed out.

Castle shook his head. "I know this guy, remember? Not his style. It's more likely we'll be looking at an offshore account under a false identity." Ryan and Esposito both nodded, looking somber. "Which wouldn't be great news," Castle agreed, "but it's a place to start."

"You think you scared Yanavich enough for him to testify?" Ryan asked.

Castle shrugged. "He was pretty freaked, but I don't think he'll give up that easy. Maybe if we can offer some kind of deal."

Esposito nodded. "The FBI guys are still looking into the rest of the list, nothing's popped yet."

"It's a start" Castle said with a sigh. "Thanks guys."

Ryan checked the hallway, motioning that it was clear before they exited. As they clambered out of the elevator on the first floor, Charles called out "hey Castle! You find your keys, bro?"

Castle pulled them out of his pocket, where they had been all along. "Sure did. I was trying to get out of here, but these guys held me up" he said with a smile and a jerk of the head toward Ryan and Esposito.

"Yeah they do tend to do that" Charles said, smiling. "Night fellas."

"See you tomorrow" Castle said over his shoulder. Once the three men were outside, he spoke again. "By the way, Beckett asked what I did this weekend and I told her we had drinks. In case Lanie asks."

Esposito nodded. "When are you planning on telling her?"

"When it's solid" said Castle. "When we're getting close to making the arrest." Ryan and Esposito gave him almost identical looks of uncertaintly. "Believe me, I would love to tell her. I hate keeping this from her. But you know Beckett, you know how she gets about this case. She'll go straight after him, and…" Castle sighed. "I watched her almost die, guys. I had to sit there and hold her and watch the lights go out, and if I have to do that again it'll kill me. You know as well as I do how close we came to losing her, and next time she might not be so lucky. I couldn't handle that."

"She'll probably hate you for this, bro" said Esposito.

"I know. And I'll be able to live with it as long as she's alive."


	10. CASTLE 20

_Time to wrap up the Todd case, with a little humor and some surprises from our boy Castle. And beating up Maddox a little more...for now. Alternate title for this chapter is "Castle Channels Mal." I wish they would put something like this in the show, I do love watching Nathan kick ass. He's so good at it! :)_

_Bonus points if you catch the Firefly reference._

_Castle's not mine. Unfortunately._

_I like reviews. Just sayin'._

* * *

><p><strong>CASTLE 2.0<strong>

By 10:30 the next morning, Will Manning was seated in interrogation. Lauren Harrow had called before eight that morning, saying that an old friend of hers had put Manning up for the night and she knew where he'd be. "I'd love to see that arrogant cod rot in jail" Harrow had said. "One o' me closest friends made the mistake o' goin' out with 'im once, an' 'e slapped 'er when she wouldn't screw 'is ugly ass. You don' fuck with my people." Beckett sincerely believed it. She hated to admit it, but Harrow might be a half decent person in spite of being, you know, a criminal.

Manning was huge. There was no other word for it. Beckett stood in observation with Ryan, Esposito and Castle just staring at him. He was every bit of 6'8'' and probably weighed over three hundred pounds. His shirt strained around his muscles, and there was a vein in his forehead that pulsated menacingly. It took quite a bit to intimidate Kate Beckett, but this guy was doing a pretty damn good job.

"So" said Castle, breaking a silence that had stretched for nearly three minutes-a record when Richard Castle was in the room. Still, no one's eyes left Will Manning. "What brand of steroids do you think he's using?"

"Why, Castle?" asked Esposito. "You gonna get some for yourself?

"Yeah" Ryan chimed in, "you have been getting pretty buff lately."

"Thanks for noticing" said Castle with a playful lift of his eyebrows.

Esposito spoke again. "You know steroids shrink your-"

"_Okay_" Beckett interrupted, not particularly wanting to hear the rest of that statement. "If you girls are, through…" She turned and started toward the door, and Castle followed. "Are you sure you wanna come, Castle? He's pretty scary" Beckett mocked.

Castle made a face. "I'm good, thanks."

Truth be told, Kate was glad she wasn't going in by herself. From what Harrow had said, he liked to hit women. She was well trained in combat, but against this guy? He could squish her like a bug. Not that Castle would be much help. She had seen him jump out of his chair in fright in the face of a man about this size.

It wasn't a high stress interrogation. With or without a confession, Beckett was sure they had enough for the D.A. Manning was unaware that Jersey State Troopers had found his truck where he had abandoned it off of a highway in New Jersey. It was certainly large enough to have hauled off the garbage from the alley, and CSU had found a small chainsaw in the back which was positive for blood and tissue. They didn't have the DNA results back, but it was a safe bet that it would match Johnny Todd. That, along with the .45 Manning had been carrying at the time of arrest which ballistics had just matched to the weapon that killed Todd, meant that this was almost certainly their guy.

"Mr Manning, I'm Detective Kate Beckett, this is Richard Castle."

"Uh huh"

"Do you know Johnny Todd, Mr. Manning?"

"He's dead, I hear."

"So you did know him."

"So?"

''What was the nature of your relationship?"

"He was a friend, I guess. We worked together every once in a while."

"Really?" Castle chimed in. "We heard you were sleeping with his girlfriend."

Manning stood suddenly, his chair falling over behind him. "Toni is mine, dammit."

"Mr. Manning, sit down." said Beckett calmly. Manning did so, but Castle stood and went to the corner of the room, leaning against the wall and watching Manning carefully. "Did you attempt a break in of East Side Bank and Trust two nights ago?" Manning didn't answer. "Mr. Manning, you're facing a murder charge, I suggest you cooperate."

"Yes."

"Why didn't you make it into the building?"

"Because that prick Todd showed up."

"Is that why you killed him?"

"I didn't kill him."

"The perhaps you can explain the fact that the gun you were carrying when we arrested you matches the one that was used to shoot Johnny Todd in the face."

What happened next was so fast that Beckett, though she was highly trained to handle these situations, was still catching up when it was over. Manning went ballistic. He exploded out of his chair and came after Kate, throwing the table out of his way so that it slammed into the wall where Castle was standing. Or where he had been standing; by the time the table reached the wall Castle wasn't there anymore. Manning came at Beckett swinging, and she automatically planted her feet and prepared to defend herself, but the punch never came. Castle caught him by the arm, kicked his feet out from under him, and slammed him to the ground with his arm twisted behind his back. Castle held it there, putting a knee firmly between Manning's shoulder blades as he wrenched the other arm around to join the first.

Ryan and Esposito burst through the door, guns drawn, looking every bit as shocked as Beckett felt. At some point she had drawn her own weapon, she didn't quite remember when.

Manning was still struggling slightly, but Castle merely dug his knee more firmly into his back. After a moment, Castle looked up at the others, grinning. "Can I cuff him?"

* * *

><p>"You've closed the case?" Maddox said when the team entered her office. She didn't look up from her paperwork.<p>

"Yes ma'am." said Beckett. It was still difficult for Kate to be in the office without Roy being there. For as long as she could remember it had belonged to him, and now that he was gone it just felt wrong. Although the fact that Satan's Mistress was using it at the moment didn't help matters.

"You got a confession?"

"No m'am. Mr. Manning is a bit…unstable." Behind her, Ryan and Esposito snickered, and she saw the corner of Castle's mouth twitch. Kate continued. "But the evidence speaks. It seems that disassembling the body was an attempt to avoid suspicion, but it backfired. We have-"

"Let the DA deal with it, Detective, I have other things to do" Maddox interrupted. She still hadn't even looked at them. "Finish the paperwork and go home."

Kate raised her eyebrows and turned to go, biting her tongue to prevent herself from giving Maddox a piece of her mind. Castle had no such filter. "Thank you again for your extraordinary care and attention, _Captain_" he said, his voice dripping with hatred and sarcasm. Maddox's eyes shot up, locking on Castle and burning with rage. "I can only imagine how Captain Montgomery would feel to know that _his _people have been left in such fabulously incompetent hands."

"How_ dare _you-" Maddox began, rising from her seat.

Castle cut her off. "Captain, when you start doing your damn job, I'll keep my mouth shut." Though he had been leaning against the wall, Castle stood to his full height and straightened his jacket. "Why don't we let you get back to those 'other things' you have to do." And with that, he turned and walked out.

They made it to the break room before they burst out laughing. "Did you see her face?" Kate asked.

Esposito clapped a hand on Castle's shoulder. "Where have you been all my life?" he asked, laughing.

"Seriously, man" said Ryan "first you take out that psycho gorilla, then you call Maddox and incompetent bitch to her face?"

"I don't think I used the word 'bitch,'" said Castle, pretending to consider, "but sincerely I hope the sentiment was implied."

"I'm starting to like bad-ass Castle" said Kate, only half kidding. She had known for a while that the man was tough. Head butting Dick Coonan, shooting the gun out of Scott Dunn's hand, and beating Hal Lockwood's face in had been fairly good clues to that fact. She would've been lying if she said she hadn't found it incredibly attractive when he showed that side of himself. And he'd shown it twice that day.

"I'm gonna call you Castle 2.0'' said Ryan, chuckling.

"It's more like 4.0, right Rick?" said Kate, not wanting to inflate Castle's ego too much. "You're well into that fourth decade aren't you?"

"_Well_ into? You wound me, Detective" said Castle, but his eyes were twinkling.

''Rick" said Esposito thoughtfully. "Interesting."

"Something you need to tell us, Beckett?" Ryan asked. Castle raised a playful eyebrow at Beckett, waiting for her answer.

"That is his name, boys" said Kate.

"Uh huh" said Esposito, turning and heading back to the bullpen.

"Riiiiiight" said Ryan, following his partner.

"I have to admit" Kate said when they were gone, "I am pretty impressed."

"You've always known about my rapier wit."

"Yeah, but not about your ninja qualifications."

"You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle" said Castle.

"I guess not" said Kate, smiling. A moment of comfortable silence passed between them, and they watched through the window as six uniforms escorted Will Manning from the holding cell. "On a related note, and just out of curiosity, is there any particular reason you've been training like an Olympic athlete lately?" Kate asked, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"Well there's this girl I'm trying to impress" Castle replied casually. Kate nearly spilled coffee on herself, she turned to look at him so fast. Castle's mouth twitched. "She seems to like these really fit, pretty types, so…"

"Is that right?"

"Mmmhmm" Castle said. "The last four guys she dated-an FBI agent, an NYPD detective, a fireman, and a doctor- all looked like they'd been caved out of marble. I kid you not." He shrugged. "A guy's gotta keep up."

Kate nodded, playing along. She knew this wasn't the real answer to the question, but she also knew that there might be some truth to the statement. And she couldn't resist messing with him a bit more. "Well if looks are all she's interested in, maybe she's not worth it."

"Ya think?"

"I do. See, to me, if I'm gonna be serious about somebody it's more important that he can make me laugh. That he's interesting." She took a sip of her coffee, not meeting Castle's eyes. She could feel her face growing hot. "Not that a great body hurts."

"So you don't think I should necessarily give up working out."

Kate pretended to think about it. "I wouldn't." She smiled then got serious, meeting Castle's eyes again. "As long as you're overdoing it. You don't want to get injured."

"Are you suggesting that the joints on Castle, 2.4.0 might not be as sturdy as they once were?"

"I didn't mean it like that, I just-"

"I know" said Castle, smiling. "I appreciate your concern, Detective."

Castle's eyes grew cold again, and he was lost in thought for a moment. Kate sighed. "Why do I feel like there's always something you're not saying these days?"

He turned rapidly and looked at her, something very much resembling panic crossing his face before he rapidly wiped it away. "What do you mean?"

"We've covered Josh, you've sworn that nothing I've done is bothering you, we've established that you think that the shooting was your fault, and we've straightened out the Meredith misunderstanding. But I still feel like there's something you're not telling me. Like every answer I get from you is half true."

"I thought you trusted me, Kate" Castle said quietly.

"I want to" Kate said tersely. The worry she had felt for so long was rapidly being replaced with frustration. "I really do. But for the first time in…two years I feel like you're hiding something from me. And honestly, Rick, I-I thought we were past that. I thought you said you lo…" Kate trailed off, knowing that this really wasn't the time or place to have this conversation.

"I do" said Rick, his eyes full of nothing but honesty and devotion. Neither spoke for a moment, just looked at each other. But Castle eventually broke eye contact, looking at his feet as if he was ashamed. "I don't have an answer for you right now, Kate."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Everything I've told you has been true" he said, and Kate believed him. She also knew that he wasn't telling her everything. "But if I tell you…" Castle trailed off, swallowing hard and looking away for a moment before he spoke again. "I'm just asking you to trust me, and to trust that you'll understand all of this…soon."

There was pain in Rick's eyes Kate hadn't seen since she had been shot. Whatever this was, it was killing him, and she wished she could take it away. But instead of answers, all she had was more questions and the knowledge that she wasn't going to get any answers any time soon. She did know for sure that, as Lauren Harrow had said, Castle would never deliberately hurt her. She had to trust him.

Castle glanced through the window at the bullpen, taking a step closer to Kate as he did so. He leaned toward her and tenderly kissed her on the forehead. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him, to pull him close, but they were in the precinct so she refrained for the time being. "I'm gonna go" he whispered when he pulled back. "I have to pick up Alexis. Call me when we get a new case, or if you need anything."

"Okay" said Kate. When she met Rick's eyes she could've sworn there were tears threatening to fall, but with a second glance there was no trace of them. "I'm sorry, Rick.''

He shook his head. "You have nothing at all to be sorry about." He smiled, but it came nowhere near his eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow."

As he turned to go, Kate couldn't help thinking that bad ass-ness and physical enhancements aside, she much preferred the old, happy Castle to Castle 2.0.


	11. IT'S THREE AM

_I'm SO very sorry that it has taken me so long to update. My computer, a mac I bought less than a year ago, decided to stop working on me. Like, wouldn't turn on. Fortunately the tech people at my school fixed it (sorta) and I didn't lose the 2 1/2 chapters I had written beyond what I had published. I hope I didn't lose y'all. _

_Also, WOW. Y'all are bein so nice with the reviews! Glad to know you're enjoying it. _

_This chapter is longer, and fluffy by my standards. But I needed a few good Caskett moments before what's coming next chapter. Wink wink, nudge nudge._

_I don't own anything, but my season 3 dvds should be here in less than 3 months! Wooohoooo!_

* * *

><p><strong>IT'S THREE A.M.<strong>

_"Kate!" Castle cried, crashing into her from the side as the shot rang out, shattering the serenity of the cemetery where Roy was being laid to rest. Kate felt a sharp pain and opened her eyes to see Rick hovering over her. Blood coated her gloves, her uniform, and she gasped for breath. But the pain subsided. _

_ "Kate…" Castle said, his face tight and drawn in pain, and then he collapsed to his side on the sickeningly green grass next to her. Blood poured out of his wound and soaked the ground as he gasped for breath. The hole in his chest was impossibly large, blood gushing from the wound at an alarming rate. She had to stop the bleeding. He was dying right in front of her, and she couldn't save him. Where was everyone? Everyone who had been at the funeral was gone. Were they dead? Had the shooter gotten them too? The cemetery was deserted, there was no one to help her. It was just Kate and Castle, who was bleeding to death under her hands._

_ "Dammit, Rick!" she shouted. "Stay with me!"_

_ "Kate" he said softly. He coughed once and blood bubbled through his lips. "I love you. I love you, Kate." _

_ He grew still, his clear blue eyes clouding over and turning an opaque gray._

Kate wrenched awake in her empty bed, heart racing and tears streaming down her face. Her hands were shaking violently, and every few moments her body would tremble from head to toe.

Kate had had nightmares for many years, ever since her mother's murder. They were always vivid, always disturbing. After a few months of therapy, or maybe it had just been the time, things had improved. The nightmares had come less often and in less detail, and she had learned how to calm herself afterward. Then came the shooting, and the nightmares returned with a vengeance. Still, she knew how to work through them. It helped that they were always the same dreams: the hangar, the funeral, her mother's case, sometimes Royce or Roy or even Dick Coonan or Hal Lockwood. This was different.

She had dreamed about Castle being shot before, so that was nothing new. But this was the first time he had been died. This was the first time it had been a bullet meant for her that had pierced his flesh. This was the first time she had seen his vacant, lifeless blue eyes, the laughter extinguished from them forever. And this was by far the most vivid nightmare she had ever had.

Kate almost hit the floor when she climbed out of bed, her knees were shaking with such force. When she finally steeled herself and made it to the kitchen, where she had left her phone, she wasn't shaking quite as badly. She would just call Castle. Hearing his voice would make it better, would let her know it was a dream. But she looked at the clock: 2:30 a.m. There was no way she could call him at 2:30 in the morning. But there was also no way she could go back to sleep.

After wondering around her apartment for several minutes-or possibly hours-and finding absolutely nothing to distract her, Kate took at deep breath. _I'll go for a run_ she thought. _ It'll clear my mind. It was just a dream. Castle is fine. He's fine. _

* * *

><p>Castle glanced at the clock on his desk. <em>Jesus.<em> Three a.m. No wonder he was so tired. He had been going over the files along with the newest information they had gotten from the FBI, for the past two and a half hours, and he had gotten nowhere. He was missing something.

It had been a month since his first meeting with Ryan and Esposito, and so far all they had were dead ends. He had been right about the payments to Starling's and Abramov's accounts, there had been several payments from an offshore account totaling two hundred thousand dollars in the week before Yanavich was paid off. But the account was under a false identity. Untraceable. They had tried other angles and had come up with a few more bits and pieces, a few more key players, but overall…they had nothing.

It had been a few days since Castle had spent any time with his file. He, Beckett and the boys had just wrapped up a particularly difficult case, a thirty-five-year-old mother of three murdered by her best friend, and they had been working long hours. Castle had figured that this was probably for the best, that it would help to take a step back, get some space and look at Roy's files with fresh eyes once the case was closed. Nearly three hours after those fresh eyes had started looking at the files, he still hadn't come up with anything.

Running a hand over his face, Castle finally surrendered for the night and packaged the files up neatly for the hundredth time, securing them in the desk drawer. He had a meeting the next day with Agent Wood from the FBI, and he would just have to hope that the feds had come up with something substantial. He rose from his chair and drained the last drops of scotch from the tumbler before stumbling into the kitchen. He wasn't drunk, far from it, just exhausted and too distracted to really think about what he was doing. He paused momentarily, thinking he heard a light tapping at his door, but dismissed it.

Moving on autopilot, Castle rinsed his tumbler and put it in the dishwasher. He was just about to grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator when he heard it again: a faint tapping at the door. Closing the refrigerator, he padded almost silently to the door and looked cautiously through the peephole.

Castle stared through it for a moment, trying to determine if he was actually seeing Kate Beckett standing outside his door at 3:05 in the morning. He certainly didn't feel like he was dreaming, so he wrenched open the door and took in her appearance more carefully. Though it was barely fifty degrees outside, Kate was wearing only running shoes, shorts and a t-shirt. She was covered in a light sheen of sweat. These things Castle took note of, but he was paying more attention to her facial expression. She looked tired, which was perfectly understandable given the hour, but she also looked emotionally drained and like she might have been crying. She stared at Castle in silence for a moment before something that almost resembled relief washed over her face.

"Kate" Castle finally said. "Are you okay?"

Kate looked at his attire, confused. "I was gonna apologize for waking you, but it doesn't look like you've been to sleep yet."

"Yeah. I was up…um, working. I was gonna stay up a little later since, you know, we wrapped up the case and everything but I guess I just lost track of time." Kate nodded, and Castle stepped aside to let her enter the apartment. "Please tell me you didn't run here" he said sternly. It certainly looked like she had, but Castle hoped that Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD was smart enough not to run several miles in New York City alone at such a late hour.

"Yeah" said Beckett simply. "I didn't really mean to show up on your door, I just went out running to clear my mind and kind of ended up here."

"Beckett, it's three a.m." said Castle firmly. She nodded. "Are you crazy? A beautiful woman out running in the middle of the night _alone_? In New York? Kate…"

Instead of responding verbally, Kate pulled up the leg of her shorts to reveal her service pistol strapped to her thigh. Castle chuckled. "Point taken" he said, then grew serious again. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what's wrong?"

Kate was silent for a moment, as if contemplating giving him some sort of explanation. She shook her head slightly, running a hand over her hair, which was pulled back in a ponytail. "I'm sorry" she said. "I should go."

Castle caught her by the arm. "Not a chance" he said sternly. "If you don't wanna talk, I get it. I can respect that. But I'm not letting you run back home to an empty apartment after you've shown up at my door in the middle of the night looking like you've seen a ghost."

"Castle…I need a shower and I need to get some sleep. I'm sorry I-"

"It just so happens that I have both a shower and an extra bed. I'll even let you borrow a clean shirt." Kate hesitated but didn't protest, and Castle took that as a "yes." He could tell that she didn't want to be alone even though she'd never admit that fact out loud. And he wouldn't have let her be anyway. He motioned toward his room. "Since Mother and Alexis are asleep, use my shower."

Castle grabbed Kate by the wrist firmly and led her through his bedroom and into the bathroom, retrieving a clean t-shirt from his dresser as they went. He was surprised that she went along so willingly, and that fact alone let him know that something must be terribly wrong. He wouldn't push, as he had promised, but he was going to make damn sure that he was there for her.

Castle turned to leave. "Castle?" said Kate quietly. He faced her again. "Thank you."

"Always" Castle answered with a slight smile, and then closed the bathroom door behind him.

* * *

><p>Kate had been truthful when she told Castle she hadn't intended to come to his loft. She had just been running at a brisk, steady rhythm. She hadn't realized where her feet were taking her until she looked up and saw his building towering over her, a light on in the room she knew to be his office. It seemed her subconscious knew what she needed even though she wouldn't let herself realize it. She had known he probably wasn't awake, he had most likely forgotten to turn the lamp off or fallen asleep on the couch watching TV or in a chair with his laptop sliding off of his legs. But she had desperately needed to see him. She knew she needed to erase the thoughts of the nightmare and she also knew that seeing his face would do just that.<p>

As soon as he had answered the door, Kate had felt a tidal wave of relief wash over her. Once the feeling had passed she took in his appearance. Though he was very much alive, It concerned her that he had so obviously not been to sleep yet. His hair was rumpled and his shirt slightly wrinkled, but it was clear from his exhausted eyes that he hadn't so much as napped that evening. Kate knew that by being there she was prolonging further what had obviously been a long night for him, but she didn't want to leave. She didn't want to go back to her empty apartment, and she figured he probably wouldn't let her anyway.

She hadn't been disappointed. At that moment, standing in his shower surrounded by his scent and with the knowledge that he was just outside the door, Kate finally felt herself relax completely. Rick's bathroom was at least the size of Kate's bedroom, and the water pouring from the expensive shower head felt like it was massaging the tension from her tight muscles. Now that the fear was gone, Kate found herself feeling entirely aroused at being in his shower, and slipping on his shirt when she stepped out didn't help matters at all.

Castle was sitting on the couch when she emerged from his luxurious but masculine bedroom. That didn't help matters either, considering the fact that he had changed from his standard button-down into a dark gray t-shirt that accentuated his chest and revealed his strong, toned arms. He had been typing on his laptop, but quickly closed it and set it aside when he saw her. Pulling her eyes from his chest, Kate sat on the couch next to Castle and accepted the glass of scotch he handed her with a nod of thanks.

"Feeling better?" he asked softly, his voice slightly rough from fatigue.

"Yeah" said Kate with a smile, sipping the expensive liquor gratefully. "I feel like I owe you an explanation."

Rick shook his head. "You don't owe me anything. If you wanna talk about it, I'm happy to listen but if not…" he shrugged. "Well then I'm glad you came to me instead of sitting in your apartment alone."

Somehow the fact that he wasn't pushing made Kate even more willing to tell him about it. "I had a nightmare" she said, speaking just above a whisper. "I have them ever since…Mom, but this one was just... I couldn't shake it."

"I'm sorry" Castle whispered. Kate met his eyes for the first time in several minutes, and the look of genuine concern she found there was almost too much to handle. She had been afraid that Castle would feel sorry for her, but what she saw in his strikingly blue gaze wasn't pity but sadness laced with adoration.

Looking into his eyes made her mind jump involuntarily back to her dream. She remembered how his eyes had stopped moving and turned from brilliant, inviting blue to cold, cloudy gray. Kate shuddered at the recollection, tears threatening to fall from her eyes for the second time in as many hours. Rick saw this, of course, and gently took the glass from her hand before pulling her into his embrace. Kate nestled her head into the crook between his shoulder and neck, gripping the collar of his shirt with the hand that wasn't pressed between them. Rick bent forward slightly and pulled her legs across his lap and then just held her, saying nothing as he rested his slightly scruffy cheek against her hair.

Kate wasn't sure how long they remained like that, she just relished the feeling of his strong arms around her, the sound of his breathing and the beating of his heart against her ear. He was a surprisingly good pillow, considering how incredibly firm his body was, and Kate gradually felt her body relax and her breathing become slow and even.

"You should get some sleep" Castle said softly, his deep voice rumbling in his chest.

With the sound, Kate's thoughts from earlier in the evening returned with a vengeance and only intensified when she lifted her head and looked into his eyes. "Yeah, I probably should" she whispered, not moving or taking her eyes from his. Castle swallowed, his eyes flickering down to her lips, just inches from his own.

Kate didn't know who initiated the kiss, only that their lips crashed together with more passion than she had ever experienced. Yet somehow he was gentle, loving. His arms pulled her closer still as his lips and tongue teased her mouth in harmony with the actions of her own. Kate shifted, pulling one of her legs around until she was straddling his waist, her hands running over his solid chest and arms. His hands were at her hips, gently squeezing and running subtly up and down her sides. The burning in her abdomen was growing to an almost unbearable magnitude, and as she slid her hips closer to his she could tell that he was similarly affected by their current predicament. Kate began tugging at his shirt, and Castle suddenly stilled.

He pulled back very slightly, his hands moving to cover hers and eyes snapped shut. She could see the conflict raging behind his closed lids, and he swallowed hard. "We can't do this now" he breathed.

Kate froze, horrified and disappointed. Castle's eyes popped open and sought hers, but she couldn't meet his gaze. The man had been making jokes about getting her into bed for years now, and when he finally had the chance…

"Kate" said Castle, putting a finger under her chin and gently turning so that she faced him. "Don't think for a second that I'm not interested. _Believe_ me" he said with a very slight smile, glancing at his lap, "I am. But it's late, you're exhausted, you're upset…I don't want to do anything you'll regret."

"I'm not" Kate insisted.

Rick laughed, his tired eyes twinkling. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that. You're really not making this easy on me, Beckett." His eyes darkened and he grew serious again. "I don't want you to hate me later."

"Why would I?" asked Kate. It suddenly seemed that there was more to this.

Rick smiled slightly, shrugging. "I don't know" he kissed her briefly. "I'm not saying no, you know. Just…not now."

"Will you-" Kate began, but hesitated, changing her choice of words. "Can I stay?"

"I already told you I wasn't gonna let you leave tonight" said Castle with a smile.

They stood, and Castle took her hand as he lead her to his bedroom. She really was exhausted. It felt like she was walking through a fog, or was knee deep in mud. Castle pulled down the dark covers of his bed and drew her in next to him. She slid in close to his side, resting her head on his chest once again, her feet tangled with his. He kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her. It wasn't long before his slow, even breathing lulled her to sleep.

* * *

><p>Kate woke alone in Rick's massive bed the next morning, surrounded by his sinfully soft sheets. Judging by the quality of the light filtering through the window, it was much later than Kate normally got up. She was vaguely disappointed that Rick wasn't there with her. Though Kate wouldn't admit it out loud, she had quite liked the idea of waking up in his arms. Her embarrassment from the night before had faded, and she knew that Rick had been right to insist that they not jump into anything, but now she found herself wondering if he regretted having her there at all. Why wasn't he with her?<p>

As sleep faded from her brain, Kate noticed the sound of the shower running in the adjacent bathroom. She rolled over and looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table. _Ten thirty?_ Kate couldn't remember the last time she had slept that late, probably a few months back when she and Lanie had gone out dancing and had a few too many tequila shots. It was a good thing she didn't have a case, just paperwork, or Maddox would surely be having kittens right about now.

Rick's bed was so incredibly comfortable that Kate's eyes began drifting closed once again. She vaguely registered the sound of the shower shutting off, but she didn't open her eyes until she heard the light squeak of the bathroom door and the smell of Rick's body wash wafted over her. When she looked in his direction, all Kate could think was '_gooooood morning_.'

He was in his boxers, the silky-looking blue fabric sitting low on his hips. His dark hair was still damp and was sticking out adorably at odd angles. Though perhaps ''adorable'' was the wrong adjective. He looked incredibly sexy. Tiny drops of water still adorned his broad, defined shoulders and the smooth, equally muscular expanse of his chest. Though he didn't have six-pack abs, his stomach was flat and there was certainly definition there. Rick didn't seem to have noticed that Kate was awake, he headed to his dresser and gave Kate a fantastic posterior view before he pulled on the black t-shirt he had extricated from his drawer.

"Enjoying the view, Detective?" said Rick as he turned, a mischievous smirk playing across his face. He hadn't shaved this morning, and Kate found that she didn't mind in the slightest.

"Would you think less of me if I said yes?" Kate asked sheepishly.

"Nope" said Rick, just before flopping gracelessly onto the bed next to her. "Sleep well?"

"I did, actually" Kate told him honestly, leaving out the small detail that she didn't think she had slept that well in…ever. "I'm surprised you're up already. Aren't famous people supposed to sleep till noon so they can stay out all night?"

"You must be a bad influence on me" said Rick with a wink. "I wanted to go for a run this morning, then I have a meeting at one. I thought I'd let you sleep."

"Thanks for that."

"You're welcome. Can I fix you breakfast?"

Kate considered for a moment, then sighed. "I should probably take a rain check. Maddox is gonna throw a fit as it is, and I have to go home and change." She hesitated briefly before asking "are you coming in today?"

The happy twinkle that had been in Rick's eyes disappeared. "Not today, unless you need me to." Something flashed across his face, but it was gone so quickly that Kate thought she must have imagined it. Instead, Rick just smiled brightly. "You'll probably get more work done without me there bothering you anyway. You know, no creepy staring."

Kate shook her head in mock wonder. "What am I gonna do with myself?"

Instead of answering, Rick raised himself on one elbow, put the other arm across her chest and kissed her firmly. Kate answered enthusiastically, slightly alarmed at the way her heart rate increased so dramatically at this simple action. She didn't think that kissing Rick Castle would ever get old.

Rick pulled back, his eyes inexplicably sad for a fraction of a second. "Coffee?" he asked, recovering, his eyebrows raised playfully. Kate nodded, and he all but bounced off the bed and out of the room. Kate watched him go, thinking that she might just be able to get used to this.


	12. THE AWFUL TRUTH

_Since I made you guys wait so long last time, here's another chapter...the big one. Hope it lives up to your expectations. Please let me know what you think! Be honest...I can take it._

_I don't own these characters...duh._

* * *

><p><strong>THE AWFUL TRUTH<strong>

Agent Jeremy Wood was waiting for Castle in the corner booth of a small cafe on East 33rd. As he entered and caught sight of the man, Castle thought that "FBI Agent" was about the furthest guess he would've made as to Wood's profession. He was certainly nothing like Will Sorenson, Kate's ex, Mr. FBI Tall Brooding and Judgmental, though Castle suspected this disparity had something to do with Wood's spending more time in front of a computer than chasing kidnappers. Wood was just over five and a half feet tall, his pale skin offset oddly by messy black hair and very dark eyes. He seemed on edge, and from the looks of things he hadn't gotten much sleep in the past few weeks. Castle could certainly relate to that.

"Mr. Castle" Wood said, standing and shaking Castle's hand. "Thanks for coming.''

"Of course." Castle said as the two men took their seats. "Have you got something?"

"We've been monitoring our guy's communications, as you know, and last week we picked up on something." Wood was speaking in hushed tones, barely audible over the din of the crowded cafe. He pulled out a file and slid it across the table to Castle. "He's been in touch with Anthony Abramov, on the burner cell, three times in the last two weeks. We suspect it was about drug shipments that our teams seized coming into the city a week and a half ago. He was also making a number of calls to an unidentified pre-paid. Took a bit of creativity on my part, but I think we've found your missing link. Second page" said Wood, indicating the file.

Castle flipped the page, careful to keep the contents of the folder out of sight. When he saw the image on the page he inhaled sharply. After reading he flipped the folder closed and handed it to Wood. "I guess now I know why Roy didn't want this handled by the police."

"He may not have known" said Wood. "There certainly wasn't anything about this in the file. He probably knew that there were dirty cops, he just didn't know who they were. I seriously doubt that he was aware of _this _little detail."

Castle nodded, seeing the logic there. As thorough as Roy's information was, there were missing pieces. Pieces that had just fallen into place. "So what now?"

"We technically have enough to make some arrests" said Wood. "We'd like to handle it by having several teams in place and making simultaneous raids. We of course want you and Detectives Ryan and Esposito involved…"

"What do you mean, 'technically'?"

"There are a few ends we'd like to tie up evidence-wise, just to make sure we have a solid case. As you know, we're not after the little guys, here, and these boys can afford some nasty ass lawyers." Wood smiled. "But we're looking at a week, tops. That'll give us a few more days to tidy things up, come up with a plan, get out ducks in a row, so to speak."

A week. Castle sighed deeply. It was almost over, or so it seemed. But he had one final task to complete before this all went down, and he knew that it just might break him.

* * *

><p>Castle stood outside of Detective Kate Beckett's apartment, unable to make himself knock on the door. It was just after seven, and he knew he had waited more than long enough. He had already filled Ryan and Esposito in on the information Wood had presented him with. As difficult as it was for them to process, he knew that for Kate it would be a thousand times worse.<p>

She trusted him. After more than three years, she finally trusted him completely, and he was about to ruin that. And after last night…Not sleeping with her had been one of the hardest things Castle had ever had to do. Perhaps the only thing more difficult had been keeping the information on her mother's case from her. But as betrayed as Castle knew Kate was about to feel, he knew it would've been worse if they had crossed the line. Still, he was about to shatter something that was irreplaceable and he didn't know if he would ever win that trust back. Yet she had to know.

He had known all along that this was coming. He had known that morning when he kissed her that it might be the last time. But somehow knowing didn't make this easier. Castle took a deep breath and steeled himself. He had to do this.

He knocked.

The bright smile Kate greeted him with nearly brought tears to Castle's eyes. "Hey Castle" she said, her hazel eyes sparkling. She seemed to take in his expression and demeanor, and her smile fell. "What's wrong?"

"Are you busy?"

"No, come on in." Kate ushered Castle through the door with a look of concern. "Can I get you some coffee? Something stronger? You look like you might need it." Kate smiled again, obviously trying to cheer him up.

"No thanks" Castle said, then sighed deeply. "Sit down."

Kate's expression hardened. "The last time you said that to me you had been looking into my mom's case behind my back." Castle had no answer for that. It was true, and he had been doing it again. He was now questioning, for the hundredth time, his decision keep her in the dark. "Rick…" Kate's knees seemed to crumble as she collapsed onto the sofa. The look of pain on her face was one that Castle had seen only a few times before and hoped never to see again.

Castle sat on the opposite end of the couch, folding his hands in his lap. "I'm gonna tell you a story, Kate, and I need you to promise me that you'll let me tell you the _whole_ story. That you'll let me finish."

Kate nodded wordlessly, her hands clenched into fists. She wouldn't meet his eyes.

"About twenty years ago" Castle began, "there was a lawyer who got into bed with the Russian Mafia. He was a mid-level guy, not in charge of anything but definitely working his way up in the ranks. He had an informant on the police force, a greedy rookie cop who fed him inside information, helped the mob guys get away with things.

"About that time, three cops started kidnapping mobsters for ransom. The mob boss put the lawyer in charge of finding out who was responsible and taking them out. And he did find them. His cop informant told him that three NYPD officers were behind the kidnappings, and that they had recently killed an undercover FBI agent and pinned the death on a mobster named Joe Pulgatti. But instead of taking the kidnappers out like the boss had asked him to, the lawyer told the informant to keep quiet, he would make it worth his while. The lawyer went to the three kidnappers and demanded that they give him the ransom money, well over ten million dollars. If they gave up the money, no one would ever know what happened. So they did."

Castle's voice was steady, a fact which surprised him. It was the same tone and cadence he adopted when he was reading one of his works at a book signing or spinning an elaborate theory in front of the murder board at the twelfth. He was grateful for the ability to keep his emotions in check, to reveal the narrative with a strength and confidence he didn't feel. Castle continued.

"The lawyer was rich now, and he didn't want to answer to the old boss anymore. So he led a small group of friends in a hostile takeover. But the lawyer was a pretty high-profile figure at the time, a well-known defense attorney, and he couldn't very well be the face of the Russian Mafia. So he had his friend Anthony Abramov pose as his frontman. As far as the world and most of the mob guys knew, Abramov was in charge. It worked. The lawyer got richer and richer, gained more and more power, protected Abramov and himself.

"But a few years later, a civil rights attorney named Johanna Beckett started looking into the murder that started it all. Joe Pulgatti was still professing his innocence, and Johanna was trying to help him. She and her team got in too deep. They were on the verge of uncovering what had really happened and of exposing the lawyer for what he really was. So the lawyer hired a hit man named Dick Coonan to take them all out. Then the lawyer and two of the kidnappers set out to bury the cases, attributing them to random gang violence. The lawyer paid off the MEs, making sure that no one knew that there was a connection between the four cases. He paid an officer named Yanavich, who worked in the records room, to alter files. And for ten years, no one could touch him."

Castle paused, examining Kate's face carefully. She looked like she was about to be sick. Her hands were clenched into fists so tight that Castle was afraid they would start bleeding from the nails digging into her palms. Her jaw was tight, her eyes full of anger and pain. He hated it, he wanted to take her pain away, but he had to continue.

"The lawyer grew even richer and more powerful over time. He became a judge, and he helped his cop informant rise in the ranks of the NYPD. Eventually, the informant became the Chief of Police." Kate's eyes, wide with shock and disbelief, shot to Castle for the first time at this statement. He nodded once, then continued. "The informant became the Chief of Police, and the judge figured that they were untouchable. Then a dumb-ass novelist who was working with the NYPD decided to re-open the Johanna Beckett case. Her daughter had become a homicide detective, the best in the city, and the novelist was crazy about her. He knew how much she was hurting over her mother's unsolved case, and he wanted to help. Eventually the novelist and the detective found Dick Coonan, but the detective had to kill him. The judge noticed. They were getting closer, but with Dick Coonan dead the detective had very few leads. Still, he decided to keep a much closer eye on them. So when one of the kidnappers decided to go to the detective with information on her mother's murder, the judge was ready. He had Hal Lockwood kill the kidnapper.

"The judge wanted to kill the detective and the novelist, they were getting too close. But he was friends with the novelist, and the guy was high-profile; if he was killed people would notice. The detective was another matter. But one of the kidnappers, Captain Roy Montgomery, was her supervisor. He loved the detective like a daughter and begged the judge not to take her out. He promised to keep her away from the case, and the judge promised that if he did so, she would live.

"But the detective was very stubborn. She didn't stay away from the case, and the judge came up with a plan. Lockwood was in jail, as was the third kidnapper. He paid off some more people, had Lockwood kill the third kidnapper and escape from prison. He put Lockwood on the detective's trail, instructing him to kill her and anyone else who got in his way. But Roy Montgomery intervened again. He lured Lockwood and the other hit men to a hangar in New Jersey and killed them. Only Roy died as well.

"Even though it seemed that all the loose ends were tied up and the judge would never be found out, he knew he couldn't let the detective live. He knew she wouldn't give up until the man behind her mother's, and now Roy's, murders was behind bars or dead. So he hired a sniper to take her out. And it almost worked. She was shot in the chest and came very close to dying. The judge must have figured that he had scared her enough that she would leave the case alone, so he let her be. All her leads were now dead, and she couldn't touch him.

"What the judge didn't know was the Roy Montgomery had done something to make sure that the detective was safe. Before he was killed, he had sent a package to the novelist. The package contained evidence he had held onto for years, evidence that would expose the judge for what he really was and ensure that he couldn't harm anyone else. The novelist got the package, and for months he didn't tell a soul. He was afraid for his mother, his daughter, and his friends at the NYPD. But mostly he was afraid for the detective. He knew that if he shared the information with her she would go after the judge immediately, and he wouldn't hesitate to kill her. The novelist loved her-" Castle's voice broke at this, and he had to clear his throat before he was able to continue. "He loved her, and he couldn't stand the thought of losing her. He had come so close already, and he knew if she died he would never recover. So he didn't tell anyone. He just spent hours and hours in his office every night, combing through the files until he found the truth. Only then did he go to two of his friends at the NYPD, detectives he trusted with his life. He begged them not to tell the detective, and together the three men went to the mayor and then to the FBI.

"The FBI started a very quiet investigation using the information the novelist had put together from Roy's file. It took some time, and they hit a number of dead ends, but finally they accumulated enough evidence to make some arrests.'' Kate had buried her head in her hands, but her head snapped up at Castle's last words. "We're about a week away from arresting Anthony Abramov, Police Chief Rodger Johnson, and" Castle swallowed. The words were still hard for him to say, because it was still hard for him to believe. "And Judge Harold Markaway."

Kate's eyes widened in shock. Castle knew what she was feeling. She had played poker with the man. She had sat in Castle's loft, right across the table from him, not to mention the countless times she had been to him for warrants. Castle could relate. He had thought the man was a friend. All the time he had spent with Markaway, and he had had no idea who he really was. Had no idea that he was a greedy, ruthless, cold blooded killer.

"I know you probably hate me right now" said Castle quietly, looking at his hands. "I know you don't want to hear that Montgomery and I were trying to protect you, but we were. I wanted to tell you, but I knew you'd just go straight after him, Kate, and I couldn't stand the thought of this world without you in it." Kate still said nothing. "I don't expect you to forgive me, but don't be angry with Javi and Kevin. They only did what I asked them to."

Tears were falling unhindered from Kate's eyes now. Still she said nothing, and Castle knew she was furious and hurt. He knew she didn't want him there anymore, but there was not a chance in hell he was leaving until she asked him to. He was going to be there for her.

"We have a meeting with the FBI tomorrow night at their headquarters" said Castle. "Eight o'clock. I figured you'd want to be there."

"Get the hell out" said Kate, her voice so full of hatred that Castle almost winced. "Now. Just…just get the hell out."

As much as her words hurt, as much as Castle knew that Kate shouldn't be alone, he stood and started toward the door. "Lock up behind me" he said when he was in the doorway. "Watch your back, Kate. And please don't do anything reckless. Not when we're so close."

As soon as the door closed behind him, Castle slid to the floor, his back against the dingy off-white wall of the hallway. Though he had known Kate would be angry, on some level he had hoped that she would understand. And he had grossly underestimated how much it would hurt seeing her in that much pain knowing that he had, in part, caused it, and not being able to do anything to comfort her. After a few moments, Castle heard Kate moving toward the door. For a fleeting instant he hoped she was coming after him, but he should have known better. The deadbolt clicked. Castle rested his head on his knees, a single tear sliding down his cheek.

* * *

><p>On the other side of the door, Kate Beckett mirrored Castle's position, tears flowing freely down her face. Any time new information surfaced regarding her mother's killer, Kate always felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. But this was the hardest sucker punch she had ever received. What made matters worse was that the person she always went to at times like these was Castle. She had always gone to him, he had always understood her need to find the truth. Castle had always stood by her no matter what. It had been his support that had stopped her from going over the edge countless times, and now he was the one who had put her there.<p>

As much effort as Kate had put into this case, as many hours and years as she had poured into it, she had always thought that knowing the truth would bring her some form of solace. But now that she knew she just felt empty. Judge Markaway? He had sat across the table, across the courtroom from her countless times. He had looked her in the eye knowing that he had destroyed her life. How could anyone be so heartless? He was responsible for the deaths of at least eight people and wouldn't hesitate to kill again. He was responsible for the murder of Kate's_ mother_.

She had seen Markaway since her shooting. He had signed a warrant for her last week, had smiled and chatted pleasantly with her. A cold blooded killer, who was undoubtedly thinking about slitting her throat throughout the entire conversation. She shook his _hand_. The thought made her shudder.

And Castle had known. He had known for months and had kept it from her. He _had_ the answers, he_ knew_ how much finding her mother's killer meant to her, and yet he had kept it from her. He had lied repeatedly, he had snuck around behind her back. Kate hadn't thought Castle was capable of betraying her like this, but when she was wrong, boy, was she fucking wrong. And she would never forgive him for this.

Kate sat huddled on the floor of her apartment feeling utterly defeated. In that moment she couldn't help but wonder if being in the dark was better than knowing the awful truth.


	13. SETUP

_Please continue to review! I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy... :)_

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><p><strong>SETUP<strong>

"Captain Maddox? Can I have a word with you?" Kate asked from the doorway of Maddox's office the next morning.

Maddox glanced away from her computer screen only briefly. "Make it quick, Detective."

Kate sighed and stepped into the office. "I know this is last minute, Captain, but since I don't have any open cases at the moment I'd like to take some of the vacation I've accumulated. Maybe a week."

Maddox finally turned her attention to Kate and gave her an odd look. If Kate didn't know the Captain better, she would've said it was concern. "Is there something going on I need to know about, Detective Beckett?"

Kate deflected. ''Why do you ask?"

Maddox leaned back in her chair and studied Kate carefully. "Mr. Castle is M.I.A. today, and Detectives Ryan and Esposito have also requested several days leave. Now you come in looking like you're on the verge of a breakdown and request time off, which you never do. I practically have to beg you to leave this precinct. I _was_ a detective for many years." Maddox paused, gazing at Kate with interest and, yep, concern. "What's going on, Beckett?"

Kate wasn't sure what to say. She wasn't sure she could trust Maddox, and she certainly didn't want to get into any of the gory details. She decided to be vague. "I'm dealing with some personal issues at the moment, Ryan and Esposito are helping me out."

"Is it to do with your mother's case?" Kate was stunned, and it must have shown on her face. "I did read your file, Detective. I make an effort to know about my people, at least as far as it's relevant to the job. Besides, that case is part of the reason I have this position. Montgomery died trying to protect you from men who were involved in the cover-up, right? So here I am."

"I'd rather not go into details, Captain, I'm sorry."

Maddox shrugged. "I wasn't going to ask you to." Maddox looked at Kate thoughtfully, then spoke in a tone Kate hadn't heard from her before. It was a gentle, almost friendly tone Kate hadn't though Maddox capable of. "I know you don't trust me, Beckett. You're not the type to trust anyone easily, and you resented me from the start because I'm Montgomery's replacement. I have another strike against me since I don't like having writers take up residence in my precinct, and Castle's your partner." Kate flinched at hearing his name, at the matter-of-fact way Maddox declared him her partner. But if Maddox noticed, she didn't let on. "I get it" the Captain continued. "But for better or worse, I'm your Captain, and I have your back. You can take all the time that you need."

Kate was shocked. It seemed that Satan's Mistress might have a soul after all. "Thank you, Captain."

Maddox's demeanor shifted entirely. She turned her attention back to her computer, all business once again. "If that's all, Detective, I have work to do." Kate nodded, smiling slightly at Maddox's abrupt change in tone. She turned to exit, but Maddox spoke up again. "And Beckett" Kate turned and met the Captain's cold gray eyes. "Don't even think about coming back into this precinct until you're ready to focus one hundred percent on your job. I don't want personal crap interfering with our work."

"I understand" said Kate, and then walked out of the office.

Kate knew that the chances of this case not affecting her work were next to none, it had affected her work ever since her first day on the beat. But there was nothing she could do about that. And as far as trusting Captain Maddox, how could she? Was there anyone in her life she could trust? Montgomery hadn't been who she thought he was. The Chief of Police was dirty. One of the most prominent judges in New York City was a mobster and a murderer. The man she had trusted with her life, her story, her secrets and her heart had kept vital information from her for months, had lied to her about one of the most important aspects of her life. Who else was there?

Kate was on her way to the elevator when she heard Ryan's voice calling from behind her. She turned to see both Ryan and Esposito jogging toward her, and was half tempted to just keep walking. Ignoring the impulse, she stayed put.

"Hey Beckett, you got a second?" Esposito asked.

Kate merely sighed. "Please" said Ryan. "Hear us out?"

Kate nodded and followed the two detectives into a nearby conference room. Esposito closed the door behind them and joined his partner in leaning against the table. Kate stood her ground, arms crossed, and waited.

"Castle told us he talked to you" said Ryan. Kate nodded once. "We're sorry, Beckett. We wanted to tell you, but…"

"Castle made us promise to keep it to ourselves until we had a solid case" Esposito finished for him.

"He told me" said Beckett. She was angry at the two men, but she knew that they would have told her if Castle hadn't asked them to do otherwise. It was Castle who deserved the brunt of the blame, not Ryan and Esposito. She _did_ still trust her two off-kilter partners if only because they were the only ones she had left.

"Look," Esposito continued, "I know you're pissed. You have every right to be. If I was in your place, I'd be pissed too. We wanted to tell you, and if it was up to us we probably would have. But Beckett, I can't say that I think Castle was wrong." Kate glared at him, but Esposito didn't flinch.

"Montgomery sent the file to him for a reason" said Ryan. "He knew as well as we do that you don't always think clearly where your mother's case is concerned, and he wanted to keep you safe. Hell he _died _trying to keep you safe. And he knew that Castle would do the same." Kate raised her eyebrows at the statement, and Ryan scoffed. "Beckett, Castle_ would_ die to protect you if it came down to it, and you know that."

"It was hell for us keeping this from you, and we only had to for a month" said Esposito. "Castle had to do it for more than five. And he knew how mad you were gonna be. You know what he told us?"

Kate shrugged, not caring to know. She frankly didn't want to see this from Castle's perspective. It was far easier to just be angry with him.

It was Ryan who answered. "He said that was fine." Ryan laughed humorlessly. "He said he'd be okay with you hating him as long as you were alive, 'cause he didn't think he could survive you getting killed."

"We're not asking you to be okay with this" said Esposito. "We don't expect you to just forgive us or Castle. But put yourself in our shoes and think what you would've done. And more importantly, think about why we did what we did. This case is not worth your life, Beckett."

"The FBI requested our help on the takedown" said Ryan. "We want you there, we know you need to be. And we're gonna be there watching your back just like we always are." Ryan paused, looking at his partner. When Esposito nodded, Ryan continued. "If after this goes down you're done with us as partners, fine. If you want us to transfer to another precinct, we'll do it. But we're gonna see this one through to the end no matter what."

Ryan and Esposito watched Kate for a moment. She could feel the tears threatening to fall from her eyes yet again, and she fought to control them. As juvenile as they sometimes were, she knew that Ryan and Esposito were very much like her big brothers. They were fiercely protective, almost to a fault, and she couldn't blame them for doing what Castle asked them to, and what they thought was necessary to keep her from doing something stupid. Big brothers, after all, weren't perfect.

Esposito and Ryan were just about to exit the conference room when Kate finally spoke. "I'm taking at least a week off. I figure I'll probably need to spend a few days drinking scotch and sleeping after this is over. I expect you two to have everything under control here when I get back. Don't let Maddox run us into the ground, okay?" Kate almost smiled.

"You got it, boss" said Esposito, and Ryan nodded in assent. ''See you tonight?"

"Yeah" said Beckett. "See you then."

All was not forgiven. All three detectives knew that. It would take some time for Kate to get back the level of trust and affection she had developed for the two men over the years, but she was willing to take that time. For better or worse, she wanted them in her life, so that was exactly where they were going to be.

* * *

><p>Agent Wood wasn't at all what Kate had pictured. Though she knew otherwise, she somehow expected all FBI agents to look like Will Sorenson. Though he was short and scrawny-looking, Wood somehow instilled in Kate a level of confidence. From the first handshake she could see that he was incredibly intelligent and capable.<p>

Kate sat across from Wood in the small, brightly lit conference room on a mostly empty floor at the New York office of the FBI. Esposito sat to her left, Ryan on his other side. There were a handful of other Agents in the room as well, but none of them spoke. It was clear that Wood and the three NYPD detectives were in charge.

"Let's do it tonight" said Kate.

Ryan and Esposito shot her looks of concern, but Wood shook his head and spoke. "I understand your eagerness to get underway, Detective, but I don't think it's wise to move too quickly. The earliest I would be willing to move in is tomorrow night."

"So we'll do it then" Kate snapped. She knew she shouldn't be so hateful toward the agent, but she didn't much care what anyone thought of her. If they wanted to wait, she'd take the bastard down herself. She had waited thirteen years for this, and she wasn't about to hold back any longer.

Wood nodded, obviously taken aback by her tone but playing it cool. "Fine. Abramov and Johnson shouldn't be much trouble. The evidence against them is solid so all we need is to move in and arrest them. We'll send teams to both locations simultaneously so that neither has the chance to warn the other what's happening. We're also going to pick up Mr. Yanavich and hold him on charges of obstruction of justice. Hopefully he'll testify in exchange for a plea deal. Markaway may be more of an issue."

"The evidence against him is mostly circumstantial, especially if Yanavich refuses to talk" said Esposito. "We need a confession."

"He's not gonna break" said Ryan. "The guy's a judge. Not only does he know the law, but he's cold blooded enough that he won't spill no matter what tricks we might try on him."

"You're right" said Wood. "We won't be able to break him in the interrogation room. We'll need to somehow get a recording device in there, see what we can make him spill."

"I'll go in" said Kate firmly. "This is my case, or at least it should have been. I'll make him talk."

"Absolutely not" said Esposito.

"No way in hell" Ryan added.

"Detective" said Wood, his tone a bit more diplomatic, "as I said, I understand your fervor. But Markaway has already tried to kill you twice. He's not likely to sit around calmly answering your questions. He'd kill you without a moment's hesitation. And I'm afraid your death helps neither our investigation nor your desire for justice. It certainly won't satisfy your friends, who have been working so diligently on this."

Kate sighed in frustration. "Well, what do you suggest?" she asked sharply. "Bug his office and wait for him to just announce everything? _Somebody_ has to talk to him."

"I'll do it" said a voice from the doorway, a voice Kate would've recognized anywhere.

Kate hadn't heard him come in, but there Castle was, leaning against the wall of the conference room. He was wearing a leather jacket, one Kate had only seen him don once. _It looks damn good on him_, she thought, and then kicked herself for it. Castle stood up straighter once all eyes were on him, making his way to the front of the room. He had some nerve, showing up here, but Kate should've known he would. When had he ever left her alone? Not once in the three and a half years she had known him.

"Like hell" she snapped, but Castle trained his eyes on her calmly.

"I don't think you have much choice, here, Detective" said Castle, locking eyes with her for a long moment, his expression unreadable. He turned his attention to the rest of the group. "As I'm sure you're all aware, Judge Markaway and I are friends, at least I thought we were. We've played poker together almost every week for the past four years, and we were golfing buddies before that. Of course I didn't know who he really was until recently, and he's under the impression that I still don't."

"How do you know that?" asked Ryan.

"I played cards with him last week" said Castle. "One thing about playing poker with someone is that you learn their tells. Trust me when I say he has no idea I'm onto him." Castle paused, looking around the room before he continued. "So here's how I'm thinking we should play this. Tomorrow's poker night, so he'll be at my loft anyway. The mayor already knows about the case, and he'll be there. Roy was our only other regular, so Markaway won't think anything of it just being the three of us. You guys'll already have my apartment wired from top to bottom, and you'll be set up outside or downstairs."

"What about Alexis and Ms R?" asked Esposito. Kate felt mildly ashamed. In her anger, she had nearly forgotten about Martha and Alexis and how much danger they might be in. And, angry as she was, she knew it must have been hard for Castle to keep what he had learned about the case from them. Especially since they must have been as worried about him as she had been.

"They left for the Hampton's this morning." said Castle, and then proceeded to lay out the details of his plan. It was a good plan, Kate had to admit, complete with a plan B just in case. But Castle was taking a big risk and, in spite of herself, she didn't like it. Kate wished she didn't feel that tug, wished she didn't care that he was putting himself in harm's way. But she did, and that fact only made her angrier.

It was Esposito who pointed out the danger of Castle's plan. "You're putting your neck on the line, bro" he said. "You're not a cop. This isn't your job."

Castle shrugged. "Maybe not, but I'm the one who got the ball rolling on this. And not just now, but back in '09 too." Castle looked directly at Kate. ''I'm the one who started all of this, and ultimately it's my responsibility. I can do this." He half smiled and looked back at Esposito. "Besides, if anything happens to me I know you'll get rid of my porn collection so Alexis won't find it, so what have I got to worry about?"

The FBI agents chuckled, but Ryan, Esposito and Kate were still deadly serious. Kate watched the boys, who were having some kind of silent conversation. She could guess that Ryan and Esposito thought that they should be on the front lines, but knew that because of Castle's relationship with the judge, he was the only one who might get Markaway to admit to anything. Castle was right, in the end. They really didn't have another choice.

"Alright gentlemen, and lady" said Wood. "We have ourselves a game plan. We'll have a team at your loft at ten a.m., Mr. Castle, they'll tell the doorman they're delivering a refrigerator. That way they can bug your apartment without anyone knowing that the FBI is bugging your apartment." Castle nodded, and Wood turned his attention to Kate. "You've been awfully quiet, Detective Beckett. Are you okay with this?"

Kate looked from Wood to Castle to the boys, then back to Castle, and nodded. "As long as I'm the one who gets to slap the cuffs on him, it's fine."

"Absolutely fine with me, Detective" said Wood earnestly.

The agents gathered their things and prepared to leave, but Ryan and Esposito hung back to wait for Kate who hadn't moved. Her eyes were locked on Castle's. Though neither spoke a word, they were still communicating volumes. Kate's eyes told Castle how angry she was, how betrayed she felt. Castle's were saying that he was sorry she was hurting, but were standing firm all the same. He was begging her, again, not to do anything stupid. He was saying that he loved her.

One of the agents stood, blocking Castle from Kate's view. Still she didn't move. It was as though she was frozen to her chair by the reality of the situation. They were about to catch her mother's killer, and Castle wasn't by her side. He was putting himself into a position where he might very well die for her, just as he had in her dream. The thought shook Kate to her very core, and for an instant she wanted to tell Castle that she forgave him, that he didn't have to do this. But when the agent moved aside, Castle was gone.


	14. DEALING WITH IT

_I know I'm updating a lot in the last few days, but I'm super excited about the upcoming chapters. It's good stuff, in my humble opinion. And for those of you who are worried that Kate might not forgive Castle? Puh-lease. What kind of fan would I be if I didn't resolve this? Never fear...just give it time. When is anything easy with these two, anyway?_

_Please review!_

_The characters aren't mine, but the ideas are. So no stealing! _

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><p><strong>DEALING WITH IT<strong>

Castle entered the warehouse building on 42nd twenty minutes later feeling resigned. In just over twenty-four hours, if all went according to plan, this would be over. The resolution might not be positive, he was well aware of that fact. Markaway might kill him, but if he did they would catch it on tape and he wouldn't be able to weasel his way out of that one. He might not talk, or he might escape, but Castle didn't think that was likely. He might put a hit out on Castle, but if he did they would know. They had tapped all of his phones more than a week ago, even the burner cell he used to contact his mafia pals, the one he thought no one knew about. There were any number of possibilities, but Castle couldn't imagine one scenario that would include Kate Beckett letting this go.

"Back again, Mr. Castle?" a man in his early thirties asked from the desk, drawing Castle out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, Jimmy" said Castle, signing in. "Been one of those weeks, you know?"

"Must be, this is the third time in two days" said Jimmy with a smile. "Have fun in there."

"Sure" Castle scoffed harshly, then realized Jimmy had no idea what was going on and didn't deserve to be snapped at. "Thanks" he said more gently, giving the man a small apologetic smile and then heading down the hall.

Castle opened his locker and surveyed his choices. The Luger was his favorite, a 1938 model he had found in a pawn shop where some World War II veteran's family had sold it after his death. People just didn't appreciate history these days. The old man had probably taken the pistol off of a dead Nazi himself, and all his kids had wanted was whatever money they could get from selling it. But tonight wasn't a Luger kind of night, so Castle retrieved the .38 Smith and Wesson and a few clips and made his way onto the range.

Castle had been coming to the shooting range for years. He liked guns. He liked the way they felt in his hands, the firm smoothness of the metal, the insubstantial weight that held such deadly power. But up until the Scott Dunn case, shooting had always just been for fun. The hobby had come in handy when he hustled Beckett at the precinct range, a carefree time that seemed decades ago. Then the Dunn case happened, and he realized that he might just _need_ the skills he had developed for laughs. Though he had told Beckett "I was aiming for his head" when he had shot the gun out of the stalking killer's hand, he hadn't been. Just another way to try and break the tension. After that night his trips to the range had taken a more serious note, and his efforts had only doubled after Kate was shot. He had gone so far as to get his concealed weapons permit three months ago, though he didn't often actually carry. It didn't seem wise, as a civilian, to take a loaded gun into a police station or, as the case had been tonight, an FBI office.

Castle emptied his clips methodically. Most of his shots landed in the ten ring, or just around it. Others clustered in the head of the silhouette, or the shoulder, each landing precisely where he had intended it to. Castle felt more confident, more relaxed, with the knowledge that if it came right down to it he could make a shot count.

Twenty minutes later Castle was back at his locker, quickly cleaning his .38 before putting it away. He hesitated, considering, before slipping a clip into his nine millimeter Colt, double-checking the safety, and slipping the handgun into the back waistband of his designer jeans and shrugging into his leather jacket.

Back outside in the cold breeze that always accompanied November nights in New York, Castle pulled out his cell phone and dialed.

"Hello Richard" said his mother brightly on the other end of the line. "Alexis!" Castle heard her call "Your father's on the phone, dear."

"Is she still awake?" Castle asked.

"Darling of course she is, it's only nine thirty" said Martha. "Boy you must've had a rough day, kiddo."

"You could certainly say that."

"I assume by the rather dejected tone I'm hearing that Beckett's attitude has not softened since last night" said Martha.

"Not at all" Castle replied. "She doesn't seem to be too mad at Esposito and Ryan, which is good. She's focused on the case and hating my guts, mostly."

Castle had sat down with his mother and daughter the previous evening after he had returned from talking to Beckett. He had explained, glossing over the gory details, the file that Montgomery had sent and the independent investigating he had been doing. He had left out Montgomery's involvement in the original case, that was information he would take to his grave. He had explained why he hadn't told them, then asked that they go to the Hampton's for a few days. They had not been thrilled.

"Do you have any idea how worried we have been about you?" his mother had snapped. "All these months thinking you were sick or depressed or suicidal or that something awful was going on…" she had continued the tirade for several minutes, ignoring Castle's insistence that the less they knew, the better. She had then preceded to lecture him on his decision to keep Kate out of this, again. "Have you forgotten what happened last time you did this? Did you learn _nothing_ from that experience?"

Alexis had been mostly quiet, only expressing her concern that her father was in danger and asking him to come to the Hampton's with them. "I've gotta see this through, sweetie, I'm sorry. But I promise I'll be up there as soon as this is over." In the end, the two women had forgiven him and agreed to leave for the Hampton's the following morning.

Back in the present, Martha sighed. "Well, Richard, you knew that was going to be the case. You knew Kate would be angry with you, darling, just like she was the first time you poked into this without her. And you did ask her not to blame Kevin and Javier, if I recall."

"I know, Mother."

"How was your meeting with the FBI?"

"Fine, it was fine" said Castle, knowing better than to share the details of his potentially suicidal plan of action. "We should be through this in the next day or so."

"And then what?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what are you going to do when it's over?" Castle's mother asked firmly. "About Kate Beckett?"

"Mother" said Castle, irritated. "I'm not looking to talk on that right now. I know she's angry, I know she has every right to be. But if I had this to do over I wouldn't change a thing. She's getting the justice she needs and she has yet to get herself killed in the process, and if I have anything to say about it, she won't." Castle took a deep breath, steadying himself. "I'll try to talk to her, but what happens next is really up to her."

"When did you grow up on me?" asked Martha, a slight teasing tone in her voice.

"When I had to, I guess" said Castle, still serious. He heard his mother sigh sadly, saying nothing. "Can I talk to Alexis?"

"Of course" said Martha. Castle heard her murmur something to his daughter. "Richard?" she said almost timidly. "I love you."

Castle swallowed hard, biting back tears. "Love you too, Mother."

* * *

><p>Kate knocked softly on Lanie's door. She had wandered the streets for over an hour and had eventually ended up at the Old Haunt. Castle wasn't there, Brian had promised her, so she had a drink-free, as always- and then headed back into the dark streets. She had realized that she probably needed to talk to someone, or maybe just drink with someone. Her usual go-to person was out of the question. She couldn't call her father; she shuddered to think of the pain and worry this would cause him. She also didn't particularly want to talk to the boys at the moment. That had left only one person, so there she stood.<p>

Lanie answered the door a moment later, dressed in black yoga pants and a gray t-shirt. She took one look at Kate and yelled over her shoulder. "Out!"

Esposito poked his head around the corner of where he had been standing in the kitchen. "What?" he asked, confused.

"Javier Esposito get your fine lookin' butt outta my apartment" Lanie said sternly, but with a playful edge to her voice. "My girl needs a drink and a good cry and she does not need you around to witness it."

Esposito made a face at Lanie, then looked at Kate and seemed to decide that he really _didn't_ want to be around for this. "Uh, okay" he said, and grabbed his coat. "See ya later, Beckett" he murmured as he passed her in the doorway.

Esposito was no more than five feet down the hall when Lanie yanked Kate by the arm into her apartment, closed the door behind them, and pulled her to the sofa. Lanie gave Kate a shove, forcing her down onto the soft brown cushions, then headed back to the kitchen. She emerged moments later with a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses, sitting them on the coffee table before plopping down on the couch. "Start talkin'" she said as she poured two shots and handed one to Kate.

"How much do you know?"

"Javier told me last night what those boys had been up to. Sneakin' around with the FBI…" Lanie shook her head, her lips pursed.

Kate threw back her shot. "I don't really blame Esposito and Ryan…much."

"And Castle?"

''He knew how important this was to me, Lanie. He was the only person besides you who knew about the murder board in my apartment. The only person who understood how much I needed to solve this case. At least I thought he understood."

"I think he does" Lanie said softly, pouring two more shots. "I think the reason he re-opened the case in the first place was to give you some closure."

Kate stared. "This from the woman who called him, and I quote, 'the nosiest bastard on the planet' and said he was just like every writer who smells a story and has to chase it no matter what." Kate tossed back her second shot.

"Girl, I know what I said" Lanie countered. "But I changed my mind."

"Changed your mind?"

"Yes, honey, I'm allowed to do that." Lanie took Kate's hand. "Back then, all we knew about Castle was that he was a wiseass playboy writer. He was never serious. We knew the playboy from Page Six. But you and I both know that's not the real Rick Castle."

"Lanie…"

"Hush" said the M.E., squeezing Kate's hand slightly. "When he re-opened the case, I thought he was just being nosy and butting in where he didn't belong. But we got to know him, and I started to realize that underneath all that innuendo and immaturity is a good man, a man that actually does care about you. I think that's why he really started looking into the case. And that's why he did what he did this time around too."

"Are you saying you think he was right?"

"No. I think he should have had enough faith in you to come to you when he got that file and to trust that you wouldn't do anything stupid. But Kate you _do_ have a tendency to jump into things without thinking them through where your mom's case is concerned. He was scared. Because he loves you."

"I swear if I have to hear that justification one more time-"

"Kate I know you're pissed at the man, but that does not make what I just said any less true. Writer Boy loves you, girl, and you love him."

"I-what…I do _not…_You're-"

"Right?" said Lanie, eyebrows raised in her best "you-know-I'm-right-so-just-admit-it" expression.

Kate sighed in defeat. She knew it was true, however much she wished it wasn't at that moment. "What am I supposed to do now, Lanie?"

"Right now" said Lanie, pouring Kate another shot. "You're gonna drink this" she handed the shot glass to Kate, who drained it. "Then you're gonna take those crazy ass heels off and lay down on my very comfortable couch and get some sleep. Tomorrow morning you're gonna get up and go meet your FBI people and Javier and Ryan and Castle, and you're gonna nail that son of a bitch who killed your mom." Lanie edged closer to Kate and used her thumb to wipe away the tears that had started to fall down her friend's cheeks. "You're gonna get closure, girl, and you're gonna cry and feel a little lost for a few days. But you're gonna deal with it, you're gonna get up and go back to work and kick ass just like always.

"Your mom's case is what made you become a cop" Lanie continued, "and it's what makes you such a great one. Bringing this bastard down is not gonna change who you are, you hear me?" Kate nodded and smiled weakly, tears still streaming unhindered down her cheeks. "As far as Castle goes…"Lanie chuckled and shook her head. "If I know you as well as I think I do, you'll be pissed at him, you'll kick him out of the precinct, again. He'll come back, again, and you'll pretend to be mad that he's there but you'll really by happy to see him. And after a while you two will work it out, _again_. And hopefully when you do you'll be naked this time."

"Lanie!" Kate scolded, but was unable to suppress a smile.

"I'm sorry, girl, but I don't know how you haven't jumped that man already. Especially now that he's all in shape, lookin' fine as hell…" Lanie gave Kate a disappointed look. "I lost a lot of money on you two."

Kate shook her head, knowing that her friend was right, about all of it. She was still mad at Castle, but she knew she would eventually get over it. No matter what Castle did, it seemed Kate couldn't stay mad at him for long. Because she knew deep down that everything he did he did out of love, however misguided his actions might be. And Kate did love him, even though she kind of hated him at the moment. She couldn't help it. _Dammit_.


	15. WAITING GAME

_It's finished, and I'm super excited about the last three chapters...so here they are! I know this one's short, but it's emotion and dialogue-heavy so I think it's plenty long enough. _

_Please continue with your awesome reviews! _

_Castle's not mine, but Nathan could be...if he wanted... :)_

* * *

><p><strong>WAITING GAME<strong>

It was five o'clock in the afternoon when Castle heard the sharp knock at his door. He had been sitting in his study staring into space for the past two hours, thinking that the clock must have slowed to half speed. The FBI team had arrived at his apartment at ten that morning, wheeling in a refrigerator box on a dolly. The box had been filled with surveillance equipment, and by eleven Castle's apartment had been wired like a telephone company. The guys were good; even Castle couldn't see the bugs they had hidden and he had been there when they placed them.

After the agents left, Castle had called his mother and Alexis then spent some time cleaning his already spotless apartment. Still restless, Castle had jogged over to his gym and spent two hours there before jogging back. Even after his shower it was still barely three, and now he was sore in addition to restless. Castle knew he could use a nap, but he also knew it was useless to try. So he planted himself in his leather chair and there he sat until he heard the knock.

Esposito, Ryan, Wood and Beckett stood in his hallway looking every bit as uneasy as Castle felt. He was surprised to see Kate there. Then again she _was_ hiding behind the three men and looking surly, so he could guess that she didn't want to be. "Come on in, guys" said Castle, beckoning them into his apartment.

"My guys are setting us up in the storage room on the third floor" Wood informed him. "They should be out of here in the next half hour, then we'll set up the teams on the street."

Castle nodded. "Bob and Markaway are coming over at seven thirty." Castle paused, an awkward silence filling the room. Wood was looking around at the loft in awe and appreciation. Kate was glaring at the couch with undisguised fury. Ryan and Esposito just looked sheepish, antsy and nervous. "Can I get you guys a drink?" Castle offered.

"Please, God" said Ryan softly, giving Castle a pleading look which Esposito echoed.

Castle smiled and headed into the kitchen, where he retrieved five tumblers and half-filled each with scotch. The others followed, each taking a glass from the countertop. "I'm on duty" said Wood, sipping his drink and then raising the glass a bit. "So this never happened.''

"Understood" said Castle, smiling slightly.

The men sipped their drinks, but Kate drained hers in one gulp, slamming her glass down on the counter with more force than was strictly necessary. "You okay, Beckett?" asked Esposito, almost timidly.

"Just ready to get this over with" Kate spat.

"The waiting game's always the hardest" said Wood, trying and failing to cut the tension. "Only two hours to go now."

They stood in tense silence for several more moments, the men sipping their drinks and Kate tapping on the marble countertop incessantly. The tapping was starting to wear on Castle's nerves, and based on Ryan, Esposito, and Wood's repeated glances in her direction he guessed they were having similar thoughts. Castle tried to ignore it for a few minutes, though the traitorous clock said it had only been one, before he reached over and laid a hand on top of hers, stilling her wayward fingers.

Kate jerked back from his touch as if she had been burned, glaring at him. Castle noticed that her eyes were slightly puffy, and her makeup hadn't quite managed to hide the dark circles beneath her hazel orbs. "Sorry" he said quietly "but the tapping was getting a little old."

''Yeah?" Kate snapped "Well being lied to gets old, too."

"I didn't _lie_, Beckett" Castle shot back.

Kate didn't give him time to say anything further. She shot another furious glare at Castle before storming off into his office. Castle started to apologize to his other guests, but Ryan and Esposito each gave him an urging look and waved him after her. Castle caught sight of Wood's bewildered expression before he turned and followed his partner. "Never a dull moment with you guys, is there?" Castle heard Wood mutter before he shut the office door and turned to look at Kate.

She was pacing in front of his desk, hands clenched into fists at her sides. "Will you just leave me alone, Castle?" Kate growled.

"Nope" he said, leaning against one of the bookshelves and crossing his arms. "If you've got something you want to get off of your chest, let's hear it."

"You wanna do this now?"

Castle looked around and waved his hands, indicating that they had nothing better to do. "Might as well."

"I'm curious to know how it is that you _didn't_ lie to me" Kate snarled.

"I didn't. I told you I was working, but I never said I was writing. I told you I feel responsible for the shooting, for Roy's death, and I _do_. I _told_ you I couldn't give you the answers you wanted. I might have withheld, but I never lied."

"Oh, now you're splitting hairs, Castle? You knew how much my mother's case meant to me and you still kept this from me."

"I also know what this case does to you" Castle spat, matching her anger now. "I know how you bury yourself in it, how you're willing to lay down your life for it and I'm sorry if I wasn't willing to let you do that."

"It's not your life, Castle! It wasn't your decision to make!"

"Who did Roy send the file to?" Castle asked. Kate didn't answer but seethed with rage, her jaw tight and her eyes narrowed. Castle strode to his desk, wrenching open the drawer and pulling out the file. He slammed it on the desktop, pressing a finger firmly into his name written in Roy's familiar scrawl. "He sent it to _me_, Beckett. He told _me_ to be the judge of what and when to tell you. He asked _me_ to protect you from yourself because he knew what you'd do if you knew. You'd get yourself killed, and he asked _me_ not to let that happen. And after your father showed up at my door and begged me not to let you throw your life away? That makes it very much my decision."

Kate didn't have a response, it seemed, so she started pacing again. Only Castle wasn't finished. "What if I had told you?" he asked. "Would you have been able to walk up to him, put a smile on your face and make small talk every time you were in the courthouse _knowing _what he had done to you and your family? I don't think so. And the second he realized that you knew, you would have been dead. I've held you three different times thinking you were going to die, Kate, and I won't do it again. If there's any chance I can keep you from that I'm gonna do it and I don't give a good god damn how mad you get at me."

Kate stopped pacing and met his eyes again. "I love the fact that you have so little faith in me, Castle. Thanks for that."

"That's bullshit. I have more faith in you than I have in any other person on this planet. You think I didn't want to tell you? I held onto this for _months_, Kate. I didn't tell you, I didn't tell my family, I didn't tell a living soul. I stayed up every single night going through this file till my eyes were crossed trying to put the pieces together so that I could tell you. So that I could get this guy the hell off of our streets and keep the people I love safe. I went to that courthouse with you. I played cards with that jack hole. I looked him in the eye and played nice and held onto what I knew _for you_. You think it was easy? You think I just made this decision for the hell of it? I knew how close these guys were and exactly how dangerous. I had to watch you shake his hand, watch him pat you on the back, and believe me when I tell you that it took every ounce of self-restraint in my body not to beat his face in every time he touched you. But until I had something solid against him I knew it wouldn't do any good. So I waited."

Kate's face softened somewhat as she listened to Castle, taking in his words. Castle lowered his voice, adopting a gentler tone. "Maybe I should have told you sooner. I'm not exactly known for having the best judgement in the world. And I'm sorry that I hurt you. But I did what I thought was right and dammit Kate…I'd do it again."

Castle held Kate's gaze for a long moment, seeing the tears threatening to fall. He desperately wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her, but he knew he couldn't. He knew Kate needed time, and he would give her all the time she needed. So he turned, exiting the office and shutting the door behind him.

* * *

><p>Kate leaned back against Rick's desk in stunned silence. She had been so caught up in feeling betrayed that she hadn't considered the magnitude of what Castle had gone through. The way he had explained it, the depth of hurt and passion in his voice and in his eyes when he spoke had told her that his silence had been nearly as painful for Castle as it had been for her. And could she really fault him for going through what he had to protect her? This certainly shed new light on the vigilance she had seen in him since she was shot, how he had trained himself to a nearly ridiculous degree so that he would be more capable of protecting her if she needed him to.<p>

It wasn't that Kate couldn't protect herself. She was a highly trained detective, and more than capable of taking down suspects on her own. He knew that, and she knew he knew that. But she had also been in the line of fire more than once before, and Castle had been the one to save her. How many times? She had lost count long ago. Could she blame him for wanting to be more able to help her in those sticky situations?

When Castle had come to her at her apartment two nights ago and told her the story, Kate had been ready to cut him out of her life forever. After talking to Lanie, she had realized she didn't want to do that. Now she was sure that not only did she not _want_ to cut Rick out of her life, she _couldn't._ She needed him.

Kate pulled herself together and stepped out of Rick's office. Rick stood in the kitchen and Wood and the boys were seated around the counter talking softly, going over the plan again, it seemed. Ryan and Esposito looked up at her nervously, as if wondering whether she was going to snap. She gave them a small smile which they both returned, clearly relieved.

"We're all set up downstairs, Detective'' said Wood when Kate sat on the stool next to Ryan. "We'll head over around seven. Our teams are moving into place outside, and we also have teams on our other suspects."

Kate nodded. "So now we wait" she said, glancing at the clock. It was only six.

Rick sighed, propping his elbows on the counter and resting his chin on his hands. "Now we wait."


	16. TAKEDOWN

_Without further ado..._

* * *

><p><strong>TAKEDOWN<strong>

Had she been there to witness the performance, Martha Rodgers would have been proud. The actress's son played his part flawlessly. There was not the slightest inflection, the most minuscule tension in his voice to give away the gravity of the situation nor the pressure he was under. He laughed, he joked, he gloated shamelessly in classic Castle fashion every time he won a hand, which was often. The mayor also played his part well, blaming his stress on the upcoming election when Markaway asked why he was so tense. But Castle was perfect.

Beckett wasn't. He was in the building, just five floors away. The man who had ordered the hit on mother, who had destroyed her life and countless others. He was just upstairs, having a quiet drink and enjoying a game of poker. Kate wanted to kill him. She wanted to run up the stairs, burst through Castle's door and strangle the bastard with her bare hands. But all she could do was listen, wait as the seconds ticked by at an agonizingly slow pace. At 8:30 Wood would call the Mayor out of there. Another twenty minutes.

Kate focused on the voices in the room instead of the stubborn clock. Not for the first time, she was in awe of Rick. She knew the situation must have been affecting him, at least to some degree, but he remained calm, cool and relaxed, not letting the fear and stress shake him in the slightest.

* * *

><p>Castle wanted to kill him. With every moment that passed, the anger built within him until it was almost unbearable. The cold steel of his Colt pressed against the muscles of his back where he had tucked it into his waistband and pulled his sweater down to cover it. It was a risk, he knew, having it on him. It would be all too easy to spot if Markaway looked closely enough. Nevertheless, he needed it there just in case. But every time Castle moved and felt the gun against his skin it was all he could do not to pull it out and put one through the judge's forehead.<p>

But he smiled, he laughed, he grinned arrogantly each time he won a hand. Castle had always had a good poker face. With a mother like his, an actress with a fondness for gambling, it was hard not to develop one. The mask had often served him well, especially in recent months, but this was the first life-and-death situation he had worn it in. He was relieved that it didn't falter.

Just before 8:30 Bob's phone buzzed. He excused himself to take the call, stepping into the kitchen. He had expressed a desire to stay while Castle confronted Markaway, but as Agent Wood had put it: "you're the fucking mayor of New York. No way in hell."

Markaway looked around. "Where are Martha and Alexis?" he asked.

Castle felt himself tense as the man spoke his daughter's name. It was his first falter, and he hoped he played it off convincingly. "Alexis is having some trouble with her boyfriend" he lied, with an angry look for the innocent Ashley, "and on top of that she's sick. Bad cold. Mother took her upstate to some fancy spa hotel for a couple of days."

"Ah, young love" said Markaway with a smile. Castle wanted to wipe it off the judge's face with his fist, but instead he gave a throaty chuckle.

Bob returned from the kitchen wearing a dark, nervous look. While the judge was focused on his chips Castle smiled significantly, and the mayor quickly rearranged his face. "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut out on you, boys" he said.

"Everything okay?" Castle asked.

"You know" said Bob with a forced smile, "always one political crisis or another brewing in this town. We'll see ya soon" he headed toward the door.

"See ya next week" Markaway called. Bob's face twisted into a grimace as he waved and quickly exited. The judge's face darkened suspiciously for a moment before he chuckled, turning back to Castle. "Whatever it is, must be a doozie. That guy was wound up all night."

"Yeah." Castle quieted, letting his face fall in sadness as he twirled the contents of the beer bottle in his hand.

"You okay, Ricky?"

"Just thinking about Roy, I guess" he said in a mournful tone. "The table just seems kind of empty without him, you know? And we still don't even know why he died."

"He was shot by a bunch of thugs, Ricky. Sad as it is, that happens to cops sometimes."

Castle leaned forward on the table slightly. "If I tell you something, will you keep it between us?"

"Of course, Rick."

"I mean it, not a word." Markaway nodded, so Castle continued. "They weren't just thugs. The guy who escaped from prison, Hal Lockwood?"

"One of the guys Roy killed?" asked the Judge. Castle had to admit, he was good. He seemed genuinely curious and concerned. But because Castle was looking for it, he saw the flicker of anger, of bitterness, of…_evil_ in the man's eyes.

Castle nodded. "He was a hired hitman. We don't know who hired him yet, but we know why. You know about Kate's mother's murder, right? Well that was part of some big conspiracy. The two ex-cops Lockwood killed, Raglan and McAllister, they orchestrated a string of kidnappings twenty years ago. They were snatching mob guys for ransom. Somebody got wind of it, took the money, and when Kate's mom started looking into it he had her and three others killed. This whole thing is a coverup."

"That sounds like something out of one of your books" Markaway said, the darkness in his brown eyes more than evident now. "What does Roy have to do with all of this?"

Castle fed him the same story that he, Kate, Ryan and Esposito had told everyone else. "We were at the hanger investigating, Roy, Kate and I. We were frustrated, we thought we must have missed something, so we went back to look at the chopper Lockwood used to escape. Kate and I went around back to look around. They must have followed us there." Castle swallowed, selling his performance with a deep, mournful sigh. "Roy saw them coming, he hid and called me, told me to keep Kate out of there no matter what. See, we knew it was her they were after. I called Ryan and Esposito for backup, but they got there too late. We heard shouting, then gunshots. Kate wanted to go in, but I held her back like Roy asked me too. He died protecting her from them."

"I assume the same man was responsible for shooting Detective Beckett?" asked Markaway, and Castle nodded. "You said you don't know who hired him _yet_?"

"We've been looking into the case, quietly, of course. There are more dead ends than leads, but we're making progress."

Markaway stood, heading to the kitchen to re-fill his glass of scotch. "Do you think it's worth it?" he asked. "This guy's killed a lot of people; Beckett's mother, the three kidnappers, he tried to kill Beckett."

_Gotcha you son of a bitch_, Castle thought. He stood slowly, making his way toward the kitchen. "I never said there were three kidnappers" he said, placing his empty beer bottle on the counter.

"Did I say three?" Markaway smiled, but it was stiff and forced. He gripped the glass in his hand tightly. "I misspoke."

Castle smiled innocently. "We're not gonna give up. Kate needs justice. We all do."

"Who is 'we'?"

"Kate, Ryan, Esposito, myself. Why?"

"Just curious."

"Any ideas on who might be behind this?" Markaway shook his head, but Castle continued, tracing the grout on the countertop with his finger. "We know it's someone important, probably someone in government. It takes a lot of power to carry this out. He probably has mob ties, too, which is what we're looking into now."

"What makes you think you can touch him? That you'll ever be able to prove anything?" Markaway challenged.

"That's a pretty bleak attitude. You sound almost like you don't want us to catch him." Castle met Markaway's eyes, feigning a look of realization. "Which you wouldn't, if you're the one behind all this."

Markaway's mouth split into a cruel smile. "You know, you're too curious for your own good, Ricky. I really didn't want to kill you. Didn't want to kill that sexy detective of yours, either, it seemed like such a waste. But you haven't given me any choice, have you?"

"It was you?" Castle kept the look of shock plastered firmly on his face, but he felt triumphant. _Keep talkin, you bastard_, he thought. _Just keep talking_.

"Why so surprised, Ricky? You should know by now that no one is who they claim to be. You think I could afford that brownstone on a judge's salary?" Markaway scoffed.

"You ordered the hits? You tried to kill Kate?"

"I didn't take the shot. Too risky. I like to subcontract jobs like that. You know I was almost relieved when she didn't die?" Markaway stepped toward Castle, smiling. "I thought: maybe she's learned. Maybe it scared her enough that she'll back off. The funny thing is, I thought it worked. I've been watching. You must have been doing her legwork."

"Not watching me, Markaway?"

Markaway gave a harsh laugh. "You rarely go anywhere without, her, Ricky. Besides, you're not nearly as much fun to look at. No offense."

"None taken" said Castle with a wave of his hand. "It's not like I don't know it."

"You know your hero Roy wasn't all you think he was, right?"

"I know what he did" said Castle. "But he more than made up for his mistakes. He died saving her life, and that's all that matters to me."

"You're kind of pathetic, you know that? You're crazy about this woman, have been for years, and you're too much of a pussy to just man up and take her. Probably because you know she'd never have you."

"You gonna insult me to death, Markaway? Is that the plan?"

Markaway lunged. He was faster than he looked, and Castle had underestimated him. He grabbed a knife from the caddy swiftly and silently, and thrust it at Castle's abdomen. Castle dodged, and the blade glanced off the side of his ribcage. Sucking in a pained breath, Castle grabbed the older man's wrist, trying to wrestle the knife from his grasp. "Now would be a really good time to get in here, Agent Wood." Castle shouted.

Panic flashed across Markaway's face. "Son of a-…You knew."

"Why so surprised, judge? You should know no one's who you think." Castle released a hand and started to reach for the Colt.

In Castle's brief moment of distraction, Markaway twisted. His knife thrust into Castle's left shoulder, and he could feel the muscle tear as it was inserted and removed. With the pain, Castle's eyes slammed shut of their own accord, and something solid slammed against the side of his head and shattered. Castle slumped to the floor and heard Markaway's footfalls moving toward the door as the world went black.

* * *

><p>They heard a scuffle, and were already moving when Castle called for them to get upstairs. Fueled by adrenaline they flew up the staircase, knowing that the elevator would be too slow. Kate's heart was pounding as she opened the door to Castle's floor and saw Judge Markaway running into the hall wielding a bloody knife. She shuddered to think what Rick's condition might be, but she didn't have time to consider. Markaway was on her with surprising speed, grabbing her arm, turning her back to him violently and holding the knife to her throat. He began backing toward the elevator as Ryan, Esposito and Wood emerged into the hallway. Kate's service pistol was still in her hand, but she couldn't turn it to get a shot off without the judge slitting her throat.<p>

There was a time when she would have done it anyway. When the desire to avenge her mother's death would have made her take the shot regardless of what might happen to her in the process. But at that moment she didn't want to die. Rick was hurt, or worse, and she needed to help him. She couldn't die now. Her father needed her to live. Rick had orchestrated this so that she wouldn't throw her life away. And she didn't want them to end like this. She needed time with him, they needed to work this out. And that was more important than killing this bastard.

Ryan and Esposito, with weapons drawn, were shouting for Markaway to drop the knife. Markaway was refusing. "Stay where you are or I'll slit her throat. Don't. Move." He backed the two of them toward the elevator slowly, knife firmly against Kate's jugular.

Something moved behind them. Markaway's grip slackened for a moment as he glaced back, and Kate seized the opportunity. She twisted in the judge's grasp, breaking free and taking her shot as he lunged for her throat. Markaway's face slackened and he slumped to the floor, blood staining the back of his shirt between his shoulder blades. But Kate was sure she had shot him in the stomach…

Ryan and Esposito moved in as Wood called for backup and an ambulance. They rolled Markaway onto his back and, sure enough, there was another entry wound in his abdomen, just below his liver. Kate raised her eyes slowly from the judge's motionless form.

Richard Castle stood in the hallway just outside his door, lowering a nine millimeter handgun slowly to his side. He was bleeding. The left sleeve of his blue sweater was stained a gruesome purple, a hole in the shoulder revealing crimson-coated flesh. There was another, smaller stain over the ribcage on his right side, and blood matted his hair and trickled down is right ear. He was staring down at Markaway with a rage Kate had never seen in his eyes, finger still on the trigger as if ready to shoot the man again if he moved.

Kate let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. He was alive.

"Yo Castle, you alright bro?" Esposito asked, still hovering over Markaway and applying pressure to his wound.

Rick's face softened. "Yeah" he said, a small smile gracing his lips. "I'm good." He glanced at his shoulder, then grinned. "Maybe no pull-ups for a while, but otherwise…"

Wood approached, and four sets of eyes looked to Ryan, who had his fingers pressed against the judge's carotid. Ryan shook his head. "He's gone."

Kate couldn't breathe. Her mind was oddly blank, her hands and knees shaking. He was dead. Gone. She looked to Rick. He met her eyes at last, his deep, penetrating gaze full of concern. Kate's knees crumpled.

Rick was there before she hit the floor, and she collapsed into his lap. Kate gripped his bloody sleeve as he held her tight, pressing his lips to the back of her skull. "It's gonna be okay, Kate" he whispered. "It's over. It's over."

Kate knew he was in pain, she could feel the blood seeping through his sweater and his arm hung slightly limp. His wounds looked fairly severe and must have been excruciating, but Rick didn't seem to care. With his uninjured arm he held her against him, pressing kisses into her hair and whispering soothing words against her scalp. Ryan, Esposito and Wood disappeared, leaving Kate and Rick alone in he hallway with the body of her mother's killer.

Tears finally escaped from Kate's eyes and sobs wracked her exhausted body. She cried for her mother, who had waited far too long for justice. She cried for Roy, who had made this possible but would never be around to see it, who would never understand how much his sacrifice meant to her. Kate cried for the father she had almost lost to his grief, who had spent twenty years without closure. And Kate cried for herself.

After all the years that had passed, all the energy and time Kate had devoted to bringing her mother's killer to justice, it was over in an instant. Justice had been served with two bullets, one from the woman who's life Markaway had both destroyed and defined, the other from the man who had stood by her constantly. The case that had made Kate who she was, that had defined her career, was over. And what did that mean for her?


	17. WHAT COMES AFTER

**WHAT COMES AFTER**

One step forward, two steps back. That was how their relationship had gone from day one. Oh they had made progress, a few sputtering, stumbling leaps toward each other before one or both of them stepped back again. This time was no different.

They fell back into a comfortable but unsatisfying pattern, the one they had been in for years. Rick brought Kate coffee every morning. They solved cases together, they joked and teased and flirted. Side by side they got into trouble and then fought their way out of it again. They went to dinner and drinks with Lanie and the boys, or sometimes just with each other. People assumed they were together, and they insisted that the weren't. At the end of the day, she said "night" and he said "until tomorrow" and they went their separate ways.

To the untrained eye, everything was back to normal. Their immediate family, as Kate had once called it, knew that everything had changed.

Two months had passed since Markaway's death. The other players in Markaway's circle had cut deals, knowing that if the case went to trial it would not end well for them. Yanavich was spending the next three months in Sing Sing, former Chief Johnson was there for two years, and Anthony Abramov was due to spend a decade behind bars.

Stories about the scandal still graced the nightly news and the papers almost daily. The public was outraged, as they had right to be, that a crook and murderer had been sitting cozily in the marble halls of justice. Each of his cases was being reviewed, a process which could take decades. It was a nightmare for the legal system. And the poll numbers indicated that the mayor, who had appointed both the judge and the chief, might not be re-elected.

Castle's injuries had been more severe than he had let on, adrenaline being such a powerful drug. A nerve had been severed in his deltoid, and a tendon had been cut. The surgery was successful, and with physical therapy he was regaining full range of motion. The cut on Castle's side, though not very deep, had required twelve stitches, and he now boasted of his ''totally butch knife fight scar." Markaway had struck him in the head with his empty beer bottle, it turned out, and after sixteen stitches in his scalp and spending an hour in terrible pain as a resident extracted glass from the wound, Castle vowed that he would buy cans from now on.

Internal Affairs had raised hell over the shooting, though they seemed to agree that Markaway had gotten what he richly deserved. Esposito, Ryan and Beckett would have said that one of the boys shot Markaway, but Wood ratted Castle out. "God forbid a feeble break a rule" Ryan had griped. But since Castle was licensed to carry the weapon and he and Beckett had been assaulted, IA eventually let it go. It did, however, give Maddox yet another reason to hate Castle. But Beckett had made it clear that she wouldn't work without him, and so he stayed.

Kate was still reeling, though she seemed to have improved somewhat. She hid it well, and she never spoke of it, but Castle, Lanie and the boys knew her well enough to know that the case had deeply affected her. It was as if she didn't know who she was without the unsolved murder of her mother following her wherever she went. And though Castle understood that he was forgiven, she had yet to display the level of trust they had shared before. One step forward, two steps back.

* * *

><p>It was a dreary Friday evening just after New Years when a familiar face walked back into the twelfth precinct. Kate was wrapping up the paperwork on their latest case while Castle played Angry Birds in the chair next to her. She felt good, confident. The case had been challenging, to say the least, but she and Castle had solved it. Kate was starting to feel like she was back in her groove, <em>finally<em>.

The unmistakable sounds of a scuffle by the elevators reached the desk. A woman shouted. Kate rose, grabbing her gun from her desk drawer, and went to see what all the fuss was about. Castle was right behind her as always, looking excited at the possibility of a cat fight.

"What the 'ell, man!" a woman with a cockney accent shouted from where she was pinned against the wall by two uniforms. "You're cute an' all, but no need for 'ands on. I didn' do a bloody thing!"

Castle chuckled. "Making friends, Lauren?" he asked.

"You think this is funny?" Lauren Harrow shouted, her voice slightly muffled. "See if I do ye another bloody favor, Rick."

Kate was confused. Apparently _Rick _and _Lauren_ had stayed in contact, a fact Kate was neither aware nor fond of.

Castle laughed again. "Mike, Ray she's good" he said, and the uniforms released her. The small crowd that had gathered dispersed with muttered amusement, and Harrow stepped away from the wall straightening her leather jacket and wearing an irritated expression. "You could've called" Castle told her.

"Lost me phone" said Harrow, annoyed. "Dropped 'er in the…" Harrow hesitated, looking at Kate "not important. Anyway I was in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop by an' see the 'eroes of New York." Harrow gave a little bow to Kate and Rick. "Desk officer was on the phone with 'is wife so I figure, why bother 'im? I'll just slip on up. O'ny he saw me get on the lift, see. Had to go makin' a fuss."

Castle chuckled again, and Kate could feel her face growing hot. She technically had no claim on Rick, she knew, and that was her own fault. But she still hated the idea of him spending time with another woman, especially one as interesting and attractive as Harrow. Kate crossed her arms.

Harrow pulled an envelope from her jacket pocket, but when Castle reached for it she jerked it back. "I've a couple 'a ground rules first, dahling" she said. "Number one, don't go showin' this to Detective Beckett-sorry love, it's nothin' personal-or any other copper. Wouldn't want to give 'em the wrong impression of me involvement, or lack thereof, in assorted activities that may or may not be legal. Two, if ye put me name in any book I'll take out you'rother shoulder." She poked a long finger into the joint to illustrate her point, and Castle winced. "Three" Harrow grinned. "I want royalties, love. Big bloody check for me time and trouble."

"I'll see what I can do" said Castle, feigning seriousness.

"Kate, love" said Harrow, laying a hand on Kate's shoulder. "Do ye remember our previous conversation?"

Castle looked at Kate curiously. "Yes" Kate answered, studiously avoiding Castle's eyes.

"And yet 'ere we are" said Harrow. "I'm havin' a bit o' trouble understanding _why_. Listen, love: 'e's yours, you're 'is. Get it together an' get naked, already!"

Kate was speechless, and Castle was staring at her with an eyebrow quirked suggestively. "I can't wait to hear the explanation for this" he said.

"Rick" said Harrow, shaking his hand. "I'd say call me, but I 'aven't a phone. Ye know where to find me if ye need to pick me brain any further. Detective" Kate shook her extended hand, still refusing to look at Castle. "It's been a pleasure as always, but get you're 'ead out of your ass."

With that, Lauren Harrow turned and stepped into the elevator, leaving Kate staring after her in stunned silence. After a moment she turned and headed back to her desk, not once looking at Rick. He was going to ask, she knew it. It was just a matter of when.

The more Kate thought about Harrow's words, the wiser they sounded. It really was that simple, wasn't it? Rick loved her, she loved Rick. They had been through hell and back together countless times, and even though things had changed they were still _them_. Her mother's case was solved, and she was still Detective Kate Beckett. She was still dedicated, still good at her job, still smart and sarcastic, still haunted by her mother's death and all that had come after.

He was more mature now, with everything that had happened, more fit, more wary, and more of a hard ass, but he was still Rick Castle. He still made her laugh and shamelessly flirted, he still spun wild theories and got overly excited on occasion. And she was better, happier, felt safer with him around. She had his heart and he had hers. The only thing holding them back was her. So really it was just a matter of them…getting it together. And whatever came after that, they would get through it. They always did.

"Stop thinking so hard" Rick said from his chair next to Kate. "It really can't be safe for a person to have all that going on up there." He tapped a finger against his temple.

"It's kind of a long story."

"I didn't ask"

"Very loudly" said Kate, echoing words they had exchanged numerous times before. Kate looked at the half-completed paperwork on her desk and sighed. It was 5:15, and this could wait until Monday. "I'm done with this for today" she announced, shutting down her computer.

Castle put a hand to her forehead. "No fever…and I believe _I_ suffered the last blow to the head…but I know Kate Beckett isn't leaving work at a reasonable hour just because she feels like it." He narrowed his eyes at her in mock suspicion, earning a laugh.

"Remi's?" Kate offered as she gathered her things.

"Not tonight" said Rick, standing. "I've persuaded my darling daughter to take pity on me and hang out since she's leaving for California in a few days." His expression suddenly grew sad.

"I'm sorry, Rick"

"I've known it was coming for a while, I guess, but it's still hard as hell. I don't know what I'm gonna do without her."

"Well you guys just have fun tonight and you can worry about that later."

"Why don't you come too?"

Kate was surprised, but sorely tempted. "No, you guys need some time together, I-"

"My daughter loves you, in case you've missed that over the last few years. She'd much rather hang out with you than me." Kate hesitated, and Castle tugged at the sleeves of her jacket like a little kid begging for an ice cream. "Come on, Kate" he pleaded, giving her his best puppy-dog eyes. "It'll be fun!"

Kate laughed even as she rolled her eyes. "_Okay_, you big baby" she said, and she didn't resist as he took her hand and tugged her toward the elevator.

* * *

><p>Castle left Kate and Alexis asleep on the couch while he went into his room to change shirts. They had conked out three fourths of the way through the movie <em>Waitress<em>, the second film of the night, after insisting that Castle did _not _look like the doctor. Which he totally did.

Castle had been drifting off himself when the beer he had been drinking -out of a can- slipped out of his hand and onto his chest. Hence the need for a shirt change.

Making his way to his bathroom, he peeled off the wet shirt and rinsed it briefly in the sink. As he glanced up he took note of the scars, as he always did. They were a permanent, physical reminder of the case that had so nearly cost the woman sleeping peacefully on his couch her life, and of how lucky they both were to have come out of it in one piece.

The surgical scars on his left shoulder were already beginning to fade, but the thicker scar where the kitchen utensil had impaled his deltoid probably never would. The longer, thinner scar that ran across his ribcage wasn't as dark, but it would always be there as well.

"You should see mine" said a voice from the doorway. Castle turned to see Kate leaning against the frame, gazing at him appreciatively. Not for the first time, her beauty took his breath away.

"What?" Castle asked, surprised by her presence. She had been unusually affectionate all night. Not that it bothered him. Far from it. It was just…different. It was almost as if some switch had been flipped in Kate's mind.

"My scar" said Kate, taking a step closer and pointing to her chest. "It's ugly. Yours give you character."

''Frankly I'm glad you have it" Castle told her honestly, leaning against the counter behind him. "It means you're alive."

"A few months ago we were talking about The Argument" Kate said, and didn't need to elaborate. He knew exactly what argument she meant: the one that had resulted in him hurling a perfectly good glass across the room. Kate continued. "You told me you thought we should talk about it."

"Yeah"

"What about it did you want to discuss?"

Castle sighed. "I don't know, Kate. After everything that's happened it doesn't really seem important anymore."

"You said that I was afraid to find out who I was without my mother's case, and that I was 'hiding in relationships with men I don't love.'"

"I'm sorry, I-"

"You were right"

"I was?"

Kate laughed. "You know you were. You never say anything you don't mean. But the case is over. And I'm done hiding." Kate took a step closer and ran her finger over the scar on Castle's shoulder. His skin burned pleasantly at her touch, and he wrapped his arms around her waist almost without thinking. "Did you mean what you said when I was shot?"

"Yes"

"Do you still?"

"Yes"

Kate swallowed, looking down at his bare chest. "I should've said this a long time ago, but I love you, too."

Castle couldn't resist. He kept his face as straight as possible and said casually. "That's nice. Can I get a shirt now?" Kate poked him in his injured shoulder, hard. "Ow!" he said, laughing.

Kate silenced him with a fiery, passionate kiss. Castle answered enthusiastically, pulling her closer and relishing in the feel of her in his arms and her lips on his. Several minutes, or maybe hours, or perhaps days later he finally pulled back in need of air.

"Can I ask what brought about this change in attitude, Detective?" Castle asked when he could speak again. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Harrow suggested that I 'get my head out of my ass' and it got me thinking. She gives some pretty good advice, for a semi-psychic criminal."

"This is because of what Lauren said?" asked Castle.

Kate nodded. "In part. She gave me the proper encouragement, or maybe it was just hearing the same advice for the hundredth time."

"To hell with royalties, I'm buying that woman diamonds."

"She probably already has some of those" said Kate, "or can get them for herself." She leaned up and brushed Castle's lips with hers briefly. One hand was still in the hair at the nape of his neck, the other tracing across his chest and shoulder.

"True" said Castle. "Sports car?"

Another kiss. "According to the DMV she has a Corvette."

"Hmm…new apartment?"

"Hers is pretty nice" Another.

"A yacht, maybe?"

"Will you please stop talking about Lauren?" Kate breathed against his mouth.

"Yes m'am"

Their lips joined together again, and they lost themselves in each other for the next several hours. Both realized that this moment had been inevitable, and both wondered why they had fought it for so long. But maybe they had needed to go through all that they had before getting to this point so that they both realized just how lucky they were to finally have each other.

Eventually they started to drift off to sleep, curled contentedly in each other's arms, skin on skin. Castle lifted his head off of the pillow slightly and whispered "I love you, Kate."

And this time, she answered. "I love you, too."

* * *

><p><em>Well, that's all folks. Thanks for sticking with me! I hope that the ending lived up to your expectations. Please let me know what you think! I welcome your thoughts and criticism. <em>

_Happy 4th of July..._

_C_


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